I need help, it is getting violent. Advise please

52 posts / 0 new
Last post
Sep 26 - 3PM (Reply to #22)
iAmMINE's picture


*like a lot!!* ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Sep 22 - 7PM (Reply to #19)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

And I Am Going to second tuff love and take it a step further

I don't know about your state. In my state, kids can be removed for domestic violence. Take your pick. Get out ASAP There are programs for domestic violence and take pictures of your bruises immediately.
Sep 23 - 8AM (Reply to #21)
blueeyes's picture

Tuff love-

I know what my state does, I am working with them. Please trust me. I just wanted advise on how to not let my feelings of plans OUT to him. I am safe and my children are proteted. I have been in touch with all the law enforcemnt. I am ok and I understand all of your tuff love and I appreciate it. This is very tough to do with filing bankrupcy, working, teenagers, and a newborn baby? It's has to have thought and planning.
Sep 23 - 8AM (Reply to #20)
blueeyes's picture

Tuff love-

I know what my state does, I am working with them. Please trust me. I just wanted advise on how to not let my feelings of plans OUT to him. I am safe and my children are proteted. I have been in touch with all the law enforcemnt. I am ok and I understand all of your tuff love and I appreciate it. This is very tough to do with filing bankrupcy, working, teenagers, and a newborn baby? It's has to have thought and planning.
Sep 22 - 3PM
betty2020's picture

Can you go to a family

Can you go to a family members house until this is over? You need to escape this man now!! Yes this is going to get worse and could end up a tragedy if you dont quietly make an exit. This is not safe for you or your children. Please listen to everyone. Leave tonight. Just leave everything behind if you have to. Start over. It can be done and many have done it here. Please leave tonight!!!!! nly one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Sep 22 - 3PM
NinjaGirl's picture

Get the HELL OUT

What my mom did when she was leaving my father was take me to daycare, go to work, and then my grandma went and got a bag of essential items, and then she picked my mom and then me up and took us back to her place. Get out NOW. Don't go along and be subservient. As quietly and efficiently as you can, hopefully while he's out of the house, get your kids, things you need for a couple of days, and LEAVE. And then freaking call the police. I am dead serious.
Sep 22 - 2PM
Briseis's picture

His texts are the ravings of

His texts are the ravings of a madman. True love DOES end, and the bad times DO override the good. You have one decent choice when your partner gets violent. Staying cool and not provoking him is good to do, but it is not a solution. You have to get out. Period, end of story. You have to go to the police with your bruises and report him for domestic violence. You have to tell them that you are in the process of a divorce and REMIND them that this is the time when most women are killed by their husbands. They should already know this. And bite the bullet and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. If you need to go to a shelter because you are afraid he'll get worse, then do it. A guy in Houston just shot his three children dead in their beds because his wife divorced him and refused to get back together. The news is full of these stories. Women die or are put in the hospital every day in your exact situation. That said, it's pretty obvious what you need to do (((hugs))))
Sep 22 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Blue Eyes

Listen to Briesis This is not good I don't think you can wait. If you have to, get really subservient, bit the bullet and become a stepford wife...don't fight or provoke the anger...go numb and go along until the 27th.
Sep 22 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
blueeyes's picture


Briseis, I know he is a mad man. I know what he is trying to do here...He wants me to get mushy and go back to ENABLING his every desire. I stopped in August. Last night he knew and said "I feel you gone, I am not stupid, I have nothing." I have a safe plan.
Sep 23 - 3PM (Reply to #14)
better off
better off's picture

The very words "I have

The very words "I have nothing" are the words that should scare the shit out of you. In other words, "I have nothing to lose." You do have a possibility of him trying to KILL you and KILL YOUR CHILDREN. It happens every week!!!!!! Not slam your arm in a door... KILL YOU. You say you have a safe plan... and you say you are working with the state. But I hope your "safe plan" is a true DV one, with emergency escape plans as well, not just long term ones. Do you always have cash? Always have your car keys ON YOU? Always have gas in the car? Always have a cellphone and charger? He's already overtly aggressive. They DO know whether they know the details or not. You think you can outfake a fake? You're going to outplay a psychopath? He's capable of things you can't even dream of... good luck. You claim to be "safe" and you are never alone with him, then explain how he could grab you by the throat and throw you out the door, and slam the door on your arm. And lock you out from your BABIES. How did that happen? How was that safe? Also, I bet he knows all about this plan anyway. You already told us he and his mommy have been being "nosy" and spying on you, and spying on the board and you think that changing your name to blueeyes will take care of it? If they know about the board, then they are probably reading all of this. You even TITLED a thread, "timmyboy changed to blueeyes." (I have a friend who would say, Remind me never to commit a crime with you!) He probably knows about October 27. How do you know he doesn't have spyware on your computer or phone? How do you know he doesn't have a GPS enabled cell phone hidden somewhere in your car? It's not rocket science to follow you. He decided to "surprise" you at your therapy session to which he was not invited. These are gigantic red flags. You don't know how he'll "surprise" you next. Look, they don't have to PLAN to do damage to you, the way we have to PLAN for them not to. If he does it, it will be some crazy ass impulse he gets when he feels threatened. It's why you CAN'T predict it. He can't even predict it. But the pattern IS predictable, and you are in it. I HATE how they always say in the news that there were no signs he would do blah blah blah. There are ALWAYS signs. Apparently the media thinks a sign would have to be in neon flashing lights and dripping in blood for anyone to see it. There is a subset of women on this board that I do think are in danger of violence and even death, and you are one of them. I recommend you look into more info about safely leaving a disordered person. It's very very important. You say you have a plan and yet you do still seem to be in some denial about what's happening. Please rethink your plan. And remember, HE COULD BE READING THIS!
Sep 22 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
ShaynasMommy's picture

Blue eyes

I really hope you are right about the safe plan. But sometimes the plan goes awry and I really am frightened for you and your CHILDREN. You may think you know him and can predict him or whatever, but girl if you have been reading here long enough you should know that the only thing thats predictable about a narc or a psycho is their UNPREDICTABILITY. I agree with Breisis that you should just get out, that's my two cents. It doesnt hurt to have a backup plan such as that. I know you are trying to avoid as much pain and drama as you can by playing nicey-nicey, but you are right....when they know somethings up its because theyv'e been through this many times before and they may be crazy but not STUPID. My Ex N somehow knew how I would react but did things the way he did anyways because lying, cheating, abandemnent and abuse is all they fucking know. Now that I read this I dont think you should wait until October....not another minute in fact. Get out now if you can. I feel scared for your other kids, and the baby, so vunerable. He may even try to kidnap them if he is desperate enough, when they get this desperate, you just never know what can happen. I dont mean to scare you too much but you have to take good care of yourself now and not hope that he can keep it together enough to not do something stupid. Please leave if you can, sweetie, we are all so scared for you, and a few others on this board, too.
Sep 22 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Alive's picture

Get out

Get out NOW. Go, go, go, do what ever it takes....
Sep 22 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
onwithmylife's picture

what are you waiting for?

I do not meant to be crass but if I were in your situation, i would get out NOW with my children to a neighbors, friends, relatives, church, safehouse, why are you waiting to make a grand exit??? Hanging around is probably just goading him on....................
Sep 22 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
blueeyes's picture

I understand the worries...

I understand you all, but my plan has taken MONTHS to paln and EVERYONE we know is involved is playing the part. We never have him alone with me and the children, EVER. I'm not sure if he feels that but I think he isn't smart enough. I am being very careful. He NEVER gets a chance, the other night was a fluke, i think. He didn't ever hit me during our relationship. He would bash walls and break important things but never me or the kids. EVER. This plan IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT than my kids lives! I know that. We are safe, He is wacked from my answers. That's what I am saying should I give him the illusion until October 27th?
Sep 22 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
ShaynasMommy's picture

well blue eyes honney,

"He didn't ever hit me during our relationship. " there's a fucking first time for everything.....
Sep 22 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
hopefuljms's picture


If you have no choice but to stick this out until the 27th, then you need to put on a performance that is oscar worthy. You need to charm him, bat your eyes at him, make him think he is the be all and end all. Agree with everything but don't be condescending. Tell him you would never leave him, that having a complete family is the most important thing to you. Throw him off course thinking you aren't going to leave and then when the 27th comes around it will be like he was hit by a truck. Nice turnaround. Most important of all... be careful!!
Sep 22 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

BUT...an oscar worthy performance

Could bring about a lot of wrath, fury and rage. Bottom line Blue Eyes, you are playing a game to. A game of wit and strategy but you don't realize that this is dangerous and can backfire. You are possibly dealing with a sociopath/psychopath and I note you have "players" included in the game? Hon, this is not a game, you have kids you need to think about. I know this is painful, hurtful, frustrating, scary but for a moment amidst the insanity, you need to pull yourself together put on your big girl pants and get your kids and yourself out of there. Whatever is gonna happen on the 27th can still happen BUT... IMMEDIATE DANGER IS IMMINENT....GET OUT
Sep 22 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
blueeyes's picture


That's exactly the way I planned! Me and my anger and sadness are showing and I've never felt so weird! I'm walking around weird now so I slcked and he picked it up! Time for me to start the act again. I have no choice to wait. I guess I will bat my eyes! Ew! Thanks for understanding that not everyone can get out. I see the excuses, that's not my case. Thanks all of you. Trust, then verify~
Sep 22 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
ShaynasMommy's picture

you can start up the act again,

but keep in mind you will still be on his radar. So if you must stay, then don't fuck up again.
Sep 22 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
blueeyes's picture


I fucked up by showing my strenghth. I have everyone alert and we are not alone w the kids! Not that it matters. The cops have been involved akong w many other people. He is doomed. I hate to be fake so I screamed and got mad and said "get the fuck out"! I wanted him out of my face. I hate to look at him. My family, his family they are all close by.
Sep 23 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
kiwi10's picture

i'm just really confused

i'm just really confused about why you need a plan to leave... when my husband beat me with a belt, i took pictures and saw a lawyer, instead of pressing charges. i had a 'plan' to. i dont know how serious you are about leaving, but i think you're putting it off for some reason other than a plan. if i had kids i would HOPE that i would have left, but i can;t really blame you... mine beat me worse and wasn;t even self effacing or sorry at all.. the thing is, you know nobody on this board, and i would certianly think and hope nobody in your life outside of here would encourage you to do what youre doing. i had so many chances to call the cops on my husband, and i never, ever did. and to be honest with you, and myself, it was never for the reason i told everyone it was for... it wa because i loved him and was bonded to him. Also, just another tid-bit, i told everyone i hate dhim and wanted to get away form him. people stopped helping me eventually, and stopped feeling sorry for me at all. nobody can pick you up and take you out of there. you have to parent yourelf :(