I think I might vomit - Match.com

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#1 Jun 13 - 3PM
rosedewittbukater
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I think I might vomit - Match.com

I have not posted my story here yet because I am afraid it could somehow be seen by my Ex-N. I was trotting along at 6 weeks NC. I was beginning to feel OK. Not good, but OK...better. A little stronger every day. Then out of the blue at 10 oclock one night she starts with the texting. This is a pattern with her, but since I ended things I mostly have ignored the texts and for that I was proud of myself. After this last round, I am seriously considering paying the $5 month to have her blocked by my cell phone provider. (I can't believe they charge for this!!). Anyway, in our previous conversations when we talked about her lack of commitment, each time she made a point of saying "I'm not out there on Match.com!" It was almost like Brair Rabbit "Don't throw me in the briar patch!" It also reminds me of someone else's recent post where they mentioned any sentence the narc says that begins with "YOU" is them projecting their own faults and insecurities onto you. All you have to do is change that first word with "I" and then you have the truth. Anyway, after this last flurry of texts I discover she is on Match. To top it off, lying about her age...unreal. It makes me question what else did she lie to me about these last few years??? The funny thing is I broke things off months ago, and she sends ME a text saying "IT IS OVER" WTF??? After I didnt jump on the offer of sex. They really just cannot accept that they might not be in control and we may be strong enough not to be their puppets anymore! Apparently she set up her dating profile just a day or so after I didn't jump on her "offer" and she proclaimed the relationship I had already ended was over. I do not want her to be able to rattle my cage like this anymore. Help?! Someone, anyone...

Jun 13 - 9PM
wacaet
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Hunter is so right, delete,

Hunter is so right, delete, delete, delete the only way is total NC, then you don't have constant b.s. thrown up in your face I quit checking mine's a.f.f. profile (to see how often he logged in) and it's very freeing
Jun 13 - 6PM
coffeeaddict66
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They will pull out all the stops

I have been in NC with the narc for 7 weeks now. The only contact I initiated was to have the cell phone company contact him and tell him I was transferring his portion of the bill to him and he had 2 wks to get the billing info straight with them. This is the third time I have cut off contact with him but somehow I always weaken and let the "changed man who has fully come to God now and understands how to be a perfect husband and father" come back. Not this time. He spit in my face and left me telling me how his first wife was a better woman and the ow he was cheating on me with knew how to treat him right. Last week he confessed to having an affair with his cousins wife via text message. This of course, got a response out of me and broke my silence. According to him I was supposed to use this as a gift to rebuild our marriage because God doesnt like divorce and He was using us to teach forgiveness. I immediately went down to the court house and filed for divorce. That was the last contact. Over the weekend he left a letter in my mailbox to let me know he is preaching at his mothers church about sin and how he has been changed by God. Oh, the arrogance. Is anyone elses narc this extremely bizzare???
Jun 13 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
rosedewittbukater
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Bizarre

They are walking talking contradictions. Wow. An affair with the wife of his own family member? I am so sorry for what you have been through. It sounds like you are becoming stronger though. At least with my situation we were never married. They always seem to know just what to say to push our buttons, don't they? I remember the comments about "someone who really loved me wouldn't do this or do that". The OW knew how to "treat him right" - wow. By saying these things they know it will elicit a response from us so that we will become doormats for them.
Jun 13 - 4PM
Hunter
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Don't look. Looking is what

Don't look. Looking is what is rattling your cage. As for text messages, Delete,Delete,Delete Hunter
Jun 13 - 4PM
strongerthanever
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I am so sorry she is still

I am so sorry she is still getting to you. The controlling ones are the hardest to get rid of. Luckily mine had supply waiting in the wings and he ended up marryng her pretty quickly. He still hovers but, no more text, calls, or showing up at the door! I've had it happen with him 2007 when he knew I was with someone else. What I've had to deal with was wrapping my mind around this...He lied to me from day 1. This woman who is out there lying about her age and most likely her profile is a huge "WTF? She didn't do that when we were together! Mountain climbing? She won't climb a ladder!" People who portray themselves as this wonderful person, have such low self esteem. They don't like themselves. They feel like shit, know they are shit and to survive in this world, have to bullshit their way through it. In my mind, too much shit for me. You not jumping at having the glorious experience of having sex with her bruised that already fragile ego of hers. Lashing out is a sign of immaturity and true ego. Who wants to be with a person like that? You don't and you keeping NC is the key. Don't put too much on what she says to the worldwide web about her age, her hobbies, her build type and what she is looking for in a partner. She is looking for a quick and easy ego boost. A quick fix for the addiction of admiration, the thrill of the chase. My exN wrote an online profile and had his sister proof it. This was way before me. She told me that she read it and told him that nothing in it was the true him! His own sister saw it as a fake profile. He and I were matched on eHarmony 2 summers ago and THAT profile was bullshit. "I enjoy snow shoeing". REally? Last time he did that was in 1999! He "loves his crock pot". Really? Cooked 2 meals for me in 3 yrs - frozen lasagna and mothers day pancakes. Yep, he sure knows how to cook with the crock pot! NEVER in the first yr of dating and him being single did he do that. Continue with NC and just keep reminding yourself that she is disordered, not normal, not healthy, and has no soul. If you were on The Dating Game, and the host said, "and bachlorette #2 has no soul, destroys everything good that comes into her life, lies to everyone and especially to herself, and loves chocolate" would you pick her? Um...I hope the hell not! Keep reminding yourself that you got away from a very conflicted, disturbed human being. You are the lucky one.
Jun 13 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
rosedewittbukater
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BTW - whatever happened to Briseis?

Just wondering if anyone here knows what happened to Briseis? I found her insight extremely helpful on the old site. Maybe she just changed her name, not sure.
Jun 13 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
rosedewittbukater
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I know you are right

Strongerthanever, thank you for your words of encouragement. I know you are right. I just wish I could warn the unlucky ones that might buy into this "profile". If they only knew. Then again, maybe someone will "bite" that is just like her and has no soul. Evil begets evil I guess.