I told the OW and now I am getting screamed at!

The chances are strong that she does not feed into his bullshit like you do, like you said yourself she did not even mind that you were the OW. She was kind of sad, she probably did not give him rations of shit, who knows she may not even be into him to the extent that you are. Which makes it easier for him to play her without a big hassle. Some woman are more pliable. Also he knows exactly how to push your buttons, you are more aware of his crap and call him on it, which is fine, he needs to be called on it, and he knows that it makes you nuts to be put down, talked about, called names, told you are crazy and this is how he controls you. He knows that you are a quality girl or he would not keep coming back. It's like the kids at school who keep getting picked on by others because they can get a rise out of them, it bothers them and the bullies see a weakness in them and they get off on trying to make them feel bad. They go for our weaknesses, they find our vulnerabilities and they run with it. This is all about control and manipulation. If he thought that he could not get to you with this, he would not waste his time, but every time he does it, you react. Look at where he has you now, you are a mess over this. Narcs look for quality and they also look for the chink and when they find it they will play it over and over again. Example: when I was a child my father favored my sister. I was the straigh A student the good one the smart one and I was the one who called him on his bullshit. My sister got in trouble, did poorly in school, and was self centered, yet she was a suck up who learned young how to get what she wanted. She could do no wrong and he always seemed to have attitude towards me and never praised me for anything. I could not understand this at the time. I tryed hard to do things special and got no credit and my sister did not do much of anything and was treated like a queen. This created a weakness in me where when I was with a man and he said his x's were great and then started criticizing me it would set up this horrible feeling in me and I would feel intense jealousy like she was better than me in his eyes and he did not love me. Because I had a weakness in me already and the Narc could see it then he began to play up the OW even more to hurt me and I would go nuts because I have doubts in this area. I have no weakness about my ability to do a good job at what I set my mind to do and that I am intelligent so if the Narc where to say: you're dumb or you are not doing a good job at work, I would simply say, ya right, because there is no weakness there. He does this because it bothers something in you which causes you to react strongly and he knows this. There are probably thing about you that you are secure with and he could say something about those and you would not even react. This is about us Rainbow, not them, something inside of you does not think you are worthy of a healthy boyfriend and relationship and he can see this so he tortures you with this, once you get your self esteem up and realize how special you are, first of all you probably won't want this crazy relationship anymore and you won't care as much what he says or thinks because the people who know you and love you, I'm sure do not think this about you. You need to find a way to believe that this is all so far beneath you and that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and stop looking for it in a man who does not have it to give. The way this man has treated you and others over these months is completely unacceptable. He treats you like crap because that is who HE IS, NOT WHO YOU ARE. Once you get stronger and no longer believe his lies on any level, he will not be able to push your buttons anymore. Somewhere in your life you have received the message to question yourself and I am here to tell you that you do not need to question yourself about this bullshit because that is what it is pure crap. How dare he talk to you like that and how dare he treat you like this. I am Rainbow and I am a beautiful, loving, caring, smart, talented girl, who is not the slightest bit crazy and I deserve to be with a man who loves me, honors me respects me, does not cheat me or lie to me, and loves to be with me every chance he gets and treats me like gold. Say that 10 times a day and see how your attitude begins to change. I have been following your story for months now and I pray for the day that you can tell this creep to piss off once and for all. God bless, Goldie

Ah Rainbow..."why is she so special"? Now the real reason for you wanting to spend the evening with this woman has come out. You wanted to compare and despair...to beat yourself up some more and examine her closely to see what you are NOT. We all talk about exactly this issue on these boards alot...wondering why he treats the OW better than us or what we think is better treatment. And how do you know what he says about her to the TEN other women he is sleeping with???!! Rainbow, every woman on this board will confirm what I am about to say: HE WILL DEVALUE AND DISCARD HER JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER WOMAN. Read that carefully and take it in. He has ALREADY done this to her by trying to come back to YOU! Please re-read your post, see how he plays everyone against everyone else. Honey...you have to get distance, go N.C. with both him and her, and any other woman who has ever been with him, you have to stop obsessing over what he does, what he says, etc. You are worthy and you just don't feel that right now but in time you will. It will take awhile - I am on the same road as you. Trust all of us here and WALK AWAY.

Yes. Do not speak to either of them anymore. Read up on triangulation. Ceasevand desist. He will spread lies about you anyway but if you stay nc and don't react he will stop. If you continue in this triangle I promise you it won't turn out good One of the times when the psycho got really physical with me was when this very thing happened. I exposed him to the other woman and he went off on me and got physical. I saw anger and rage in him that I had never seen before. Be very very careful here rainbow. These people are so volatile no one knows for sure what they are capable of. Look at Scott Peterson that guy had no criminal history and most people thought he was a pretty nice guy. He murder his own wife and baby on Christmas Eve.