"I Want a Strong Woman"

Have any of you heard that before? This is what N told me a number of times when I cried and showed emotions because of one of his hurtful behaviors and neglect. He said, "You can't have these meltdowns" and be with me because that's what his last wife did and it interfered with his high powered job. Basically, he called me weak!

For the longest, I thought there was something wrong with me because I was not able to stop feeling or reacting. I tried so hard to tolerate the abuse and neglect but, I couldn't. There was still part of me that wouldn't allow him to totally do me in w/o a fight.

I would get mad, cry, call him on his crap, end it, explain, preach, inquire, ask; nothing changed. Now that I understand NPD so much better, I realize that pretty much everything I said and did was narc food. The only way it may have worked is if I had become an inverted N or a full blown N; or if I would have died.

He wanted a robot, just like himself; a yes person that was willing to bend over whenever he gave the nod. In return, for being "good" and not melting, I would get a free dinner, a promise and/or and a night in his little castle. He actually had the nerve to tell me to be "good."

Pitiful, pitiful PITIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!