I Was Doing So Well Then I Couldn't Sleep Last Night

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SoaperGirl
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I Was Doing So Well Then I Couldn't Sleep Last Night

I was doing so well yesterday I thought, then did a couple of things I'm not too proud of. I'm turning into a good little liar where my ex narc is concerned.

Apparently, today is moving day for my narc - to ber moved into the OW's house. My number was on an old moving contract which since he'd already paid the deposit decided to use it for his purposes, and then truck driver called me yesterday afternoon - before I knew it, I was telling him that contract had been cancelled. Last I had of it, the driver was going to talk to his boss.

Knowing he's actually moving in with her (he wouldn't move in with me), I couldn't sleep last night. My brain was hyper all night, and I couldn't hardly get to sleep. Maybe late, late I finally fell asleep and have had perhaps two hours of sleep.

I kept trying to get my mind off his situation, to make my mind block out thoughts of him, but no go. Here I am now still dwelling on that narc bastard. When will this roller coaster ever end? It's been a little over 2 1/2 months sincxe the D&D. I'm so tired of this!

Steph
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Two and a half months is a
Two and a half months is a great start, but still early. These moments of "backtracking" abut ( although I don't think it's really backtracking) are bound to happen...especially when something triggers you, like knowing it's his moving day with OW. Your mind was on overdrive last night, then the harder you try NOT to do something (think of him) the more difficult and impossible it becomes! You're ok. I would suggest trying to stay awake all day today, no naps....might help you sleep better tonight and get yourself back into a good sleep pattern. Don't be hard on yourself for not being "over it" yet! That's not realistic and it's not fair to put that much pressure on yourself. Be kind and be patient with yourself, SoaperGirl:) xoxo
findingmeagain
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Hey be glad he didn't move in.
He is gonna give her hell when he moves in. Living with them is when you see them for what they are faster. The mask comes off quicker. And just think of his creepy azz all in her stuff and that could've been you! Because if he is anything like mines he was nosey as hell wanting to know my business. He is gonna go all in her things when she is at work and then use anything bad against her. Its gonna be terrible.
SoaperGirl
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I'd love to be a fly on the wall
This subject fascinates me of what it's like to live with a narc. I'd love to be a fly on thew wall when he does all these things. I know that the poor wretch believes he loves her (didn't we all?), and she has ignored my warnings at her peril. Part of me wants to save her from the heartache, and part of me relishes how this is going to go down. I tried to help her, but it's not my problem. What I'd like to see most is when she starts realizing she was only being used to provide rent free housing, free food, keep him up in the world financially, and provide NS. It would be nice if she had the ovaries to kick him out, but I dont' think that's gonna happen. The thing I'm chuckling at most of all now is how he's got his overpriced home on the market currently, and home values are tanking big time. I want to see him take a financial bath on that house! He deserves it! Don't get me wrong, I do sympatheize with the honest, good-faith people who just wanted a good home to live in and a normal life. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42954513/ If anyone else wants to indicate what he'll do, how he'll behave once enconced in her home, I'd love to hear it. I would be very intested! Thanks!
Susan32
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Life with Narcs
There's a blog post titled "Falling Short of the Glory of God" all about the troubled marriage of Leo&Sofia Tolstoy. Yes, the author of "War and Peace" was a MAJOR Narc. When Sofia was in pain after childbirth, Leo threatened to kill her... or return to the army. She suffered from mastitis, couldn't breast feed, hired a wet nurse... and he emotionally abused her for it (his father in-law, who had also been his childhood friend, took him to the cleaners on that one) There's also "The Last Station" movie starring Christopher Plummer&Helen Mirren. The BIGGEST departure from reality in the movie is that music soothes Leo Tolstoy... as Leo grew older, he grew MORE bigoted against music, esp. in "Kreutzer Sonata." Plummer was obviously reliving his Captain Von Trapp character from "Sound of Music",who goes from being a harsh disciplinarian to a loving father/husband thanks to a musical nanny named Maria. Sofia Tolstoy was young enough to be her husband's daughter (she was 18, he was 34 when they married)... so there's the father figure issue. Alexander Boot's "God and Man in Tolstoy" is an essay about Leo's NPD. Painter Amedeo Modigliani was an alcoholic Narc. He was known to publicly expose himself, hit the brothels, and his Catholic common law wife's parents disapproved of him. They were famous for their public fights... then sitting together in absolute silence. Again, the common law wife was young enough to be Amedeo's daughter. Amedeo&his common law wife had their daughter raised by other people. In the end, after Amedeo died, the pregnant common law wife committed suicide by jumping out of an apartment window. Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Evita" musical is about two Narcs--Juan and Eva Peron.
Hunter
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Its been 9 months for me, I
Its been 9 months for me, I still have a moment now and then. However the moment is different. It's "what was I thinking" . Trust me he needs something from her, that's why he is moving in with her. Idealize, devalue, discard, Rinse & repeat. Hunter
SoaperGirl
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So true - Idealize, devalue, discard, Rinse & repeat
Thank you for responding Hunter. That helps. So, if I can get my mental-emotional work done in another 6-6 1/2 months, that will make things much easier to move on. I've read others say they are indifferent and/or disgusted over their ex narc...What was I thinking? Good one Hunter! I like that! Shows some rueful humor, and when you can laugh over it, you know you are definitely on the mend. Thanks!
SoaperGirl
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Without a doubt he needs something from her
I do know before he abandoned his website, he had bragged about all the things she could do for him. He bragged she had money, a beautiful expensive home, and a thriving business located on prime property real estate. Can't you just smell the money? Of course, it's all about what she can do for him! He, of course, is going broke paying for his old home. Financially, he stands to gain a lot by moving in with a woman who can pay his way in the world. Being of much more modest means, I couldn't do it. Then too, there's the "bore" factor since we'd been together over a year, and he needed more drama and variety. I was stable and familiar (boring!), She is new supply, a fresh challenge, a new notch on his belt. It gets to me, and I hate it! Damn! I want to get this bastard out of my head once and for all! People say "You need to move on and forget him!" How do I do this? I'm trying, it gets to be a struggle at times when reminders pop up in your face and are hard to ignore. I sense it's largely a matter of time - maybe the memories and wounds are still too fresh. I know they are. Thanks for listening.
Hunter
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Soaper
You get it. Just give it time. You're still on that rollercoaster. Be patient with yourself. No one expects what they do to us. Hunter
SoaperGirl
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I'd like to know how much longer is this going to last!
Thank you everybody and esp Hunter for the kind words This board has been of enormous help to me. Yes, I wish I could get off that roller coaster. I'd like to know how much longer is this emotional upheaval is going to last! If I knew about how much longer, I think I could stand and tolerate it better. Time seems to be moving so slowly for me. I'm beginning to think being retired is giving me too much time on my hands. I was enjoying going swimming every day at the local gym, but I recently had surgery, and I'm under orders to be careful. Still have stitches and everything. Seems like all I can do right now is some gardening, housework, eat, sleep and sit at the computer. I need a life!
Hunter
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Soaper
Why not get a part time job?You said you like to garden! Spring is here, I bet a garden shop would love to have you! As for you it's a great way to meet people! Hunter
SoaperGirl
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I've been submitting applications
I have been looking for a job recently, and putting in applications, so yes, I've thought of it too, and I'm keeping an eye open for any possible interesting volunteer opportunities (actually, I need a paying job.) Truth be told, I'm a lousy gardener, but I try. I did enjoy working on preparing my home grown "greens" for a nice chef salad tomorrow.
onwithmylife
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soaper girl
it is way too early for you, don't be hard on yourself, it took me 2 years plus,not saying it will take you that long but I spent 15 off and on years with the old geezer and that is a lot of toxic waste to get rid of!! you are strong, if need be get therapy and in time the memories do fade....to me it was like crawling ever so slowly out of a hole
SoaperGirl
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In Time the Memories Do Fade
Thank you. I'm holding on to this. One thing I do think of is that after I finally get this bum out of my head, that will open the way for a new love to come into my life. I just imagine... normal, sane, loving and caring - not at all like my greedy and shallow narc bastard. Already the memories are starting to fade. I can hardly remember the honeymoon period. I'm starting to associate memories of him with more pain than pleasure. I just wish the time would move a little faster into the future when this will all come under the heading of old worn out dead memories.