I wish he would just get out of my head!!!!

17 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 18 - 1PM

alicat

I wish he would just get out of my head!!!!

I know that recovery takes a long time with a break up with a disordered exN, but I wish my head would just stop spinning!!! As some of you know I did not go to my son's soccer games this weekend for fear he would be there with his new OW. Sure enough he was!!!! Making sure he told my mother and my ex husband and my kids hello! What an ass!!!! I can't stand him!!!! He treated my like utter shit and then left!!!! Of course the blame is on me because I am the crazy one!!! He has moved on like nothing has ever happened! I'm trying to stay away from this crazy sick man, and I am missing out on life because of his abuse!!!

I went out with friends on Saturday and Sunday had the whole day to myself. I usually like being alone, but I am starting to get lonely. I am enjoying the peace and quiet, but I miss companionship. My friend gave me a really good book to read and it has helped me spiritually. I just want this monster out of my head!!!! I'm tired of going through the motions and the pain. It is just hard for me to understand how someone can do this to anyone!!!

I know I am a great person, and I want to get in touch with God more now that I have been through this. I am just ready to move on and not let him get to me anymore! Thanks for listening.

#2 Oct 18 - 5PM

Crazy Train

OMGosh, if my xN doesn't

OMGosh, if my xN doesn't "move out" of MY head, I'm going to send him a rent bill. It's never been worse. I can't seem to get to "out of sight, out of mind". Not to make an excuse for my own weakness & stupidity, but it did contribute to my breaking NC, by responding to his text :(

#3 Oct 18 - 5PM

Tigerlily

Hi Ali!

Try psychic cord-cutting, too - that helped me a lot. And I had a burial ceremony, where I buried or burned everything that reminded me of him. But psychic cord-cutting is very good and I can really recommend it. Otherwise, Sparrow is right - he`ll go when it`s time. Keep going strong. Tigerlily

#4 Oct 18 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

alicat

TigerLily, How do I go about

TigerLily, How do I go about doing the psychic cord cutting? He also still has his bbq grill here on my back porch. Everything else is pretty much gone.

#5 Oct 18 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

Tigerlily

Kaleah laRoche I think describes it really well

Basically, you imagine cords coming from your solar plexus which attach you to your narc. And then you imagine cutting them with a golden sword or a golden pair of scissors, and immediately hooking the cut end connected to you up to the sun or down into the earth (positive energies that stop the cord ends from "reconnecting". I had to do it quite often. It`s recommended to take a bath with sea-salt afterwards (cleanses any remaining negativity). I did the cords and not the bath, worked really well. It`s a good idea to make a real ritual of it, lying down, with incense and candles. But I did it driving down the freeway, too. I did it every time I caught myself thinking of him. And it worked great. If you know where he lives, dump his BBQ grill in front of his house (or even better, in front of his car). He`ll get the message. Don`t allow any hooks, alicat. Love Tigerlily

#6 Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #13)

alicat

Thank you tigerlily! I will

Thank you tigerlily! I will def try the psychic cord cutting! I appreciate the advice! Good idea about the gri too! I can just see the look on his face now! As well as him calling me a f...ing cunt! Nice isn't it! I was told that often! Love, Ali

#7 Oct 18 - 7PM (Reply to #14)

Tigerlily

They call you what bugs them most

that they`re hooked on it, Sweetie! If he called you "fucking cunt" it`s probably because you were the best lay he ever had and it irritated the shit out of him. Normally I use asterisks when using swear words, but I just don`t feel like it right now, because they´re not swear words in this context. From a narc. "fucking cunt" is a compliment to your sexuality, Ali. You quite obiously blew what little mind he had. Love Tigerlily

#8 Oct 18 - 8PM (Reply to #15)

alicat

You are soooo right! He told

You are soooo right! He told me right after we broke up that I wasa indeed the best lay he ever had! He said no one would compare especially with oral sex! Too funny! Thanks for putting it into perspective!

#9 Oct 18 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

Syren66 (not verified)

Got any pictures of him? Put

Got any pictures of him? Put them on the grill and make s'mores.

#10 Oct 18 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

Swan

LOL

Narcgrillin' Narc-B-Q

#11 Oct 18 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

Syren66 (not verified)

Narc-B-Q

The George Foreman Narc Grill

#12 Oct 18 - 2PM

alicat

Thanks!

You girls of course are right!!! I love the insight you all give me! I will have to try the "get out of my head!" scream when I get home. Of course I will do it in my head at work. I am a speech therapist at an elementary school so it would not be a good thing to shout it out! LOL Although my coworkers would not put it past me! ha ha! They know how funny and silly I can be. I will hopefully soon like Sparrow said "Evict him out of my head". I can't wait to bury the dead! That is what he is to me! Dead! He is just a wandering ghost right now to me!

#13 Oct 18 - 2PM

spinning

ali my sweet, I

remember feeling the exact same way. I wanted the sick MFer out of my head so badly I was "spinning." :) Those days were very difficult and I am so glad I got past it. I did something that may sound crazy but the more I did it the better I felt. When I was home alone I would shout "GET OUT OF MY HEAD" and things like "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE YOU SICK MFer" and stuff like that. Sometimes I had to shout it several times. At work I would just think it so people wouldn't think I was crazy shouting for a phantom dark ghost to get out of my head! Anyhow, it kind of helped me. Perhaps it was blowing off steam or something but every time I did it I at least felt like I was in charge, like I was telling HIM what to do and like I was in control of my own thoughts--that I had given so much to him I would not allow him to have my thoughts any more. Eventually he grew smaller and grayer. He's still in my head somewhere, but the corner he lurks in is dusty and most uninteresting. I rarely feel like going there. Hang in, Ali. I know you are trying hard and you are making strides. I'm almost 12 months NC and I am here to tell you the hard work you do now will pay off in peace of mind, happiness, fun and joy! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. THE DARK GHOST HAS NO POWER OVER ME ANY MORE

spinning

#14 Oct 18 - 2PM

Sparrow

It's not time for him to be

It's not time for him to be completely out of your head. There will be a time, trsut me. Mine isn't out of my head completely, but he doesn't "rent as big of a space" as he once did. I kind of like him there actually........keeps things in check for me. When I think of him now, I no longer yearn for him, nor do I dispise him, I am just indifferent. He doesn't carry any clout for me anymore. I remember waking up each morning and him being the first person on my mind and the last person on my mind before I went to bed at night. And on my mind the entire day!!! I remember it all too well. And I want to remember, or should I say, I want to be reminded at times..... Where he once occupied/owned my entire mind, heart, and soul........he is renting and efficiency, with no running water and no heat. He will vacate for good soon enough! When it's time..............

#15 Oct 18 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

darling.girl

Constantly on my mind

For almost two years, my narc was constantly on my mind from the time I woke until the time I went to sleep. Every single solitary minute. Literally. Not exaggerating. If I woke to use the bathroom, he was there. Whether I was: Hating him. Desiring him. Trying not to have contact to him. Writing poems for him. Spacing out while driving thinking about him. Sparrow, you are right. When it's time, he will go. The thoughts of my narc started to drop away when I chose to pursue an interest that I always had, but never got around to doing until now. Through that interest, I have found the most dear, kind-hearted, loving people. I think they have saved my life. They are helping to heal my heart even though none of them know about this aspect of my life. They are just beautiful people with beautiful souls. On the down and wicked side, my narc knew he was living in my head constantly. He taunted me with: "I'm living in your head rent free. I'm not trying to be snarky or mean (yea, right!), but it's not healthy (meaning, you are crazy). My advice is move on." Not only do they harm us, but then they taunt us for being harmed by them. Sick, sick people.

#16 Oct 18 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

alicat

Thank you darling girl. I am

Thank you darling girl. I am glad you have found people to help you heal. I also have great people around me to help. We are lucky. They are very sick. It has taken me alot of reading and posting to realize this! It is just hard to imagine because we are loving people. I hope this new girl gets out sooner.

#17 Oct 18 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

Syren66 (not verified)

Sparrow has begun eviction

Sparrow has begun eviction proceedings :)

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