Ick, sort of sad . . . and stirring some old angry beasties

Got a big long message from my kids' dad on Facebook last night.

I have not spoken to, or heard from him, for thirteen years. At least! I invited him back into our kids life when they were almost fourteen and eleven. He made all these promises and then never showed up. My son called him several times a day for about two weeks, and I just paid the long distance phone bill. He never returned my son's calls.

Here's the message.

Um, this is very hard. So many years have passed and so many things have happend. I will fill you in on all the details if you want to know-I have finally come back to life, Iam so afraid to be doing this. I know what a terrible human I have been. My life has been , well, I cant even find the words. Iam now (for the last 6 years) off my meth addiction and I try to deal with the hate and sorrow I feel about the person I have been and the life I have lead. Before I go into the long story( that you may or may not want to here) I would like to ask your permission to contact our kids. Im sure they think the worst of me and I know I have given them every right to those feelings. I do not want to complicate there lifes,but, I would love to get to know them, I do love them(I know I didnt show that to them) and want to be a part of there lifes. Kim please know that I will do what YOU think is right. Iam asking for your guidence. I will stop here, I dont want to give you a sob-story and I know you didnt exspect this and I dont want to mess up you Christmas so, If yopu do not reply I will understand and not contact the kids at this time. Again Im sorry for laying this on you, Please forgive me. Thank You. I hope to hear from you soon. p.s. Im only online a couple times a week. I wish you all the good that life has to give. Thank You-- Richard

First off . . . "my kids" are 27 and 24 years old. He doesn't need my permission. Does he?

That SONOFABITCH. Come crawling back like this. I also feel extremely touched by his message. I also feel like hacking into my kids' Facebooks and blocking his ass. I don't want them to have to go through this with him. Yet they are his kids, and it is their "karma" so to speak. My kids are at peace, as far as I know. But I know how people are. Especially my son, who has had at least TWO very disappointing male figures in his life NOT including his father.

See, I am a person who strongly believes that people can make terrible mistakes and then right them. I certainly have!!

Richard and I married when I was 17 years old, and my daughter and son were born when I was 18 and 21 years old. I left him in California four months before my son was born. I raised them entirely on my own, with no child support. I invited him back into their lives TWICE. Once when the kids were five and two years old, next about nine years later. He royally fucked up both times.

Now they are adults. And Mama Bear's job is done. But Mama Bear still has her teeth and claws and they are out . . . and not sure they want to be, should be. Ugh.

But I don't want ANY part in this.

He needs to have the cajones to contact them himself.

He is so obviously a Narc. I hardly KNEW him, we were so young, but I'd be giving him huge benefit of the doubt to even consider he just MIGHT be NORMAL (albeit a drug addict).

I think of Sick of it and others who've had their exNarc sail back in after many years . . . and my red flags are waving. I want to forgive him, instantly. I looked at his pictures of himself (all Narc self portraits of course, sheesh), and my heart dropped into instant confusion. Red flag!! If he wasn't a full blown Narc when we were kids together, he's surely become one.

Ignore his request and block him? I am not sure.

And this "not sure"? That tells me more than anything that he is a Narc and I'd better go do it right now.

Not say anything to the kids?