Im 2 years out...dating...struggling..

Its 2 years since I left my narcbf...4 years since Im away from my exHn......

Within this time...I bought a townhouse, changed careers, got a job that I absolutely love, my kids are well adjusted to our new life, they love their school and have made many friends...my exh and I even have some civil moments so that even seems to be simmering down.

Ok so whats next..I feel like Im fully recovered..Ive done all the work...read Lisas book about 3 times...helped many of you...so let's start dating....

I dabbled in it after the first year...no chemistry with anyone...felt dead inside..or Id start to feel and then Id end it because of my fear of going through what I went through...so my thought was that I wasn't ready....

So here I am...it's been 10 months since I dated, 12 months since Ive been intimate with a man. I meet this guy a month ago...finally chemistry!!!!! Im taking things soooo slowly...and he is fine with that...I haven't told him ALL of my history (why should I?) Anyway, Im soo fearful...so scared to the point where sometimes Ill be touchy with things he says or texts. I have a great sense of humor and Im very easy going and I know that even my friends feel free to run their mouths freely cause Im usually "cool" with things and I totally am with them....but when I get touchy and question things this guy will tell/text me, he will then tell me that he didn't mean anything by it etc. (just like a narc would? or just a dumb guy?) I get myself so worked up that I tremble and then have to visit the bathroom (if you know what I mean)....Am I still NOT ready???? After 2 years?????? Im starting to think it's me and Im really sad thinking that I will be alone forever!! And honestly, Im ok with being alone, but Id like a companion and I thought it was time!!!!