i'm about to break NC!! Help me :(

45 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 12 - 11AM

kiwi10

i'm about to break NC!! Help me :(

I'm o pissed after he was able to ruin my whole weekend with that stupid comment... what is wrong with me??
i must be really sick. i had a dream last night that we were back together. his being mean to me triggered this!! that is sick.... i'm going to have a feild day with my psychologist and that one. i'm sure we will be discussing my father all month :(
I didn't enjoy my first football game at school this season. all i thought about was him. I didn't sleep last night. all this because he said 'this is a good example of why i divorced you'. i guess being beaten, cheated on, lied to, rejected and ignored isn't anything compared to not runnign an errand when expected to. while i feel this way, he is already dating some woman and taking his stupid drum to play it for belly dancers!
I want to say something so badm and stick up for myself, but i know it's pointless... HELP :(

#2 Sep 12 - 2PM

kiwi10

i see now

so this just proof of his disorder

#3 Sep 12 - 2PM (Reply to #43)

gettinbetter

yep!

he must not be getting enough supply from the other chic. The only weapon you have is silence! its the only one that works

#4 Sep 12 - 8PM (Reply to #44)

kiwi10

pagan festivals

now there is a new one coming up, where he can play his drum and oogle naked underage girls. it makes me sick. he must be so happy not to have me around telling him i didn't want to go. i don't WANT him to be happy

#5 Sep 12 - 1PM

kiwi10

i just got an appology

a text that said 'i'm sorry for that email, hope u r having a nice day'. wow. what a champ.

#6 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #40)

gettinbetter

see in true Narc fashion

When the nastyness didnt get a response from you he's decided he better try another method. IGNORE HIM see it gets to him. DO NOT acknowledge him in anyway He must really be needing some validation today

#7 Sep 12 - 2PM (Reply to #41)

wholeagain

I second this

The ex did this constantly, trying new angles to see what will work. Just keep up the good work on NC Ms. Fierflie!

#8 Sep 12 - 1PM

Scoop

Oh heck , thoses dreams ,

Oh heck , thoses dreams , the triggers in one sentance its all part of the package . The comment was to push youre buttons and it worked . here was my trigger the last week when he was asking to do work on my boat and wanted to meet up to have an "honest conversation " i accused him of abuse and his reply was "dont blame youre self , chin up , we just wernt right for one another " ... im telling you now i wanted to go stab him with a knief .. its been 6 months nc and then this (although he has hovered at the begining before ow) i broke nc and i sent him the post on here about "whats up with the passive agressive man ".. i had to , i had to say something to him i was so crazy mad .... i cryed alot , i punched my pillow .. i knew he was pushing my buttons and i was telling myself "dont bite , dont bite scoop " but i did bite .. all quite from him though thank god but i know him .. the email is comming , he is just working out what rote to take with me ... I wont bite again ... i knew by replying i gave him a great lump of supply ..Things will calm down again and the obbsessive thought will die down to in a day or two .

#9 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #38)

kiwi10

poor scoop

i'm so sorry he did that to you. i hate these guys!! stay strong girl, you are such a cool lady and your posts always make me smile. your personality comes shining through. FUCK HIM

#10 Sep 12 - 1PM

kiwi10

i think i'm still looking for validation from him

on some level, which is what he wants. i mean even just an 'i'm so sorry i did what i did to you, you didn't deserve it, you were a good girl', would have been enough to make me forgive hime, but NOOOOO he rages at me for saying no to running an errand for him after we are DIVORCED!!! I'm just so confused.

#11 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #35)

Used

fierflie

that was a coincidence, after your post about him if he would just say sorry to you, and then he did, he probley looks on this board, what do you think.

#12 Sep 12 - 2PM (Reply to #36)

kiwi10

used

LMAO.. no he doesn't, he just is full of shit.

#13 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #27)

gettinbetter

just remember

fierflie if you do get validation from him it wont be sincere it will be to get you back in the game. When mine came back I got all kinds of validation. Im sorry's, I was just stupid (which i cant believe came out of his mouth) Its gonna be better this time blah blah all to lure me back in and it worked. So here I am trying to recover from this a second time. Atleast I did have 15 years of freedom from him

#14 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #28)

kiwi10

he came back and lured you

he came back and lured you even though you are married?

#15 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #29)

gettinbetter

yep

and he poured it on thick telling me he had always loved me that he knows Im happy but he's selfish and wants me back for himself. The story is complicated I havent posted it becuase some of it so personal and painful I cant write it Ill just say I had an emotional connection to him. I have actually known him off and on since age 17 Im now 42 It all started of very innocent then he moved in for the kill. Preying on every weakness I had. I just cant speak to him anymore I just cant. He only brings me pain. I am trying to retrain my brain to associate him with pain instead of love

#16 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #30)

kiwi10

oh my gosh

i'm so sorry ! what a piece... how difficult to detatch from someone you literally grew up with. you poor thing. i guess i'm lucky in that mine is not so charming or willing to put it out there. he is much more likely to move on. i'm wondering, i sthat sign of more psychopath types? less charm, less attatchment and more anger? do you know?

#17 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #34)

gettinbetter

yep

fierflie thats the hardest part about this whole thing letting go of the history I have with him but hes sick and there is no cure. Fierflie you may be on to the psychopath thing. I did read that psychopaths are basically narcissists with a super violent side. Read up on it and you will know he fits the bill. I did during (round one) have physical altercations with mine. Nothing to bad just some pushing and shoving. He never really hit me. That beating thing geez Im sorry girl that is down right scary. Go on the net and read up on psychopaths. I guess it doesnt matter how you classify them they are all DANGEROUS volcanoes waiting to explode.

#18 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #33)

gettinbetter

yep

#19 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #31)

gettinbetter

yep

#20 Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #32)

kiwi10

i just can't figure it out

i just can't figure it out because i'm pretty damn sure he isn;t regularly violent, yet this was HUGE. he didnt slep me or even just hit me once, it was pure hate and rage.

#21 Sep 12 - 12PM

kiwi10

so ....

you guys think he sais that in order to get a response and control me? wwhy does he still want to control me if he divorced me? i just dont get it. and how is it that they do it sooooo well? i think it is freaking paranormal that he can do this is to me through a one sentence email and so sadistic and unfair!!

#22 Sep 12 - 12PM (Reply to #21)

gettinbetter

Its not paranormal

Its called brainwasing. Its all about the control. He divorced you becuase the fear abandonment. They divorce you before you divorce them that way they feel they controlled the outcome. When he gets you angry and illicits a response. I says to himself I am special look at how much pain I cause her and she keeps coming back Wow I am special people wouldnt to that for the average person. Im exceptional. Sick as it sounds your pain makes them feel validated and special and extraordinary. Your silence and indifference makes them feel the exact opposite. It makes them feel horrible invalidated and worthless

#23 Sep 12 - 12PM (Reply to #22)

kiwi10

but, sick of it

he has new supply, why is he torturing me!!!??? why can;t he just be nice to me? or even decent? i guess he was doing that in his email and i wsn;t grateful enough to dodge his rage?? WTF???

#24 Sep 14 - 5PM (Reply to #25)

better off

To a narc you will always be

To a narc you will always be their property. So he dumps you and takes up with someone else... you are still his property in his mind. He divorced you...but.. you are still his property. You are a thing, and object, a toy to him. He doesn't want to play with it right now, so he threw it in a corner, but it's still his, and he will take it out and push its buttons when the mood strikes him. Then he gets to be Big Narc playing with Little Toy Girl. He's a freak.

#25 Sep 12 - 12PM (Reply to #23)

gettinbetter

To them there is no such

To them there is no such thing as too much supply. I read that securing new supply is alot of work for them that it is always easier for them to recycle old supply. He just wants to keep you in the game in case he needs you. When you respond your just saying to Im still in the game. He just needs to know that he can illicit a response from you thats like a security blanket for him

#26 Sep 12 - 12PM (Reply to #24)

kiwi10

sickofit

so that is why my unemotional, sane, yet detatched email illicited rage in him?

#27 Sep 12 - 12PM

truthseeker

fierflie

Just last night I was pissed enough to contemplate breaking NC. Have been NC since July after 2 years. I think the reason all of us struggle for so long with NC is because it is incomprehensible to us how they operate. For lack of a better word. We try to wrap our brains around it. Just think the parylizing fear they must all live in. To make someone else feel less than in order for them to feel safe. Our hearts will never be that dark. They parrot humans, they are void of anything genuine except anger. Mine never had an original thought. Quoting something I had written or a movie. Lately when I've been down I try to remember someone suffering in an entirely different way, like those poor Chilean miners and their families. Don't let him have the power. Stay strong.

#28 Sep 12 - 11AM

Alibi_10

Fierflie - step away from the phone!

I know I am a fine one to talk, but I won't if you won't ! xx

#29 Sep 12 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

kiwi10

ok, alibi, i better catch up

ok, alibi, i better catch up on your posts..

#30 Sep 12 - 11AM (Reply to #13)

gettinbetter

YES Alibi & Fierflie

Get a buddy! I have one on here that I speak to off line and honestly I feel accountable to her. I would be ashamed if I had to tell her I broke it. I always say if she can do it so can I especially sincre her story is EXACTLY like mine

#31 Sep 12 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

kiwi10

how do i get a buddy?

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