I'm confused..

Listen to your gut. Does this feel pushy with her? You are a little too quick IMO to blame yourself for having the "wrong" reaction. Your gut sensation is ALWAYS right. It just doesn't speak the King's English and give details about WHY lol :D I so totally relate. It used to be when I had a gut feeling, I would think it was something about ME that was wrong. But guts don't do that. They react to outside stimuli. What is she saying that bothers you? When you think Oh god what's happening?? I also believe that our guts may simply warn us when we are just not "ready". I would get the gut warning from the mailman, you know? The gut feeling is purely about self defense. And when you are very vulnerable, your gut KNOWS it and will go into overdrive reacting to anything. It may be that you just need more time. And FORGET the woman already with another man. Gawd! What are you, a charm to put on her bracelet?? Gross.

There is no way you have HER traits! Your scared that this nightmare may happen again. We are forever changed. Its rough.

How nice for you! Unfortunately we are all changed from this experience, hopefully for the better. I think we will all be watching future partners a lot closer for red flags, but we also have to watch that we aren't too quick to judge someone for making a human mistake. We can't just assume if someone does one thing that seems kind of "off" that they are a narc and get rid of them. But you can bet we won't be ignoring any red flags or sweeping them under the rug anymore. I agree with Agnes, that you should just take your time, have fun with it, and let it happen naturally. Don't worry that she could be a narc until she starts showing you that she could be. There's a way higher chance that she's not, and you don't want to miss out on a good thing. I'm confused why you think if you are scared to get close that you may have picked up narc traits. Being scared of intimacy is not a narc trait, per se, it is being cautious and watching out for your heart. A narc isn't scared of intimacy, they just can't feel it. It's not in them. They don't feel anything for anyone. So go have fun and just take your time. You deserve to have someone wonderful in your life, and you may have just found her!

I've gotten over my man phobia...glad to hear you are at least circulating a bit - over here marinating in isolation. As far as the potentially new friendship and your hesitance, I think it's natural to feel the way you do - you've been burned. Perhaps just take it slow, be honest and let nature take its course. When I say be honest, you don't necessarily have to share your horrendous experience with your ex...but maybe make it clear that for now, you really would enjoy her company but right now because of other commitments in your life that you are working on making more manageable for now, you are essentially available for dating but of course if things align properly you are looking forward to settling down. With this however, is the risk as it would be a somewhat open relationship and as such, the lady would also be a free agent. It is possible someone else might sweep her off her feet. I'd be genuine, I'd be myself and not play games, but do not feel pressure that you have to act right away. If she flees than at least you know she's not willing to invest the time it takes to truly get to know someone. That's how I'd approach it - but I could be wrong...I'm still healing. All the best...

Well, being cautious is a good idea. Why not just socialize with this woman you like? Movies, walks, dinners, cafes, visiting free events (if you are in a big city where such events occur). Take it slow -- the old-fashioned way. Get to know her before diving into another committed & instant relationship.