Yeah, they're great liars aren't they. Their whole life is a lie. Shut your ears down if you still have contact, he's a diseased, disordered dangerous man. He will ALWAYS do the same again, to his next supply.
OK, but you are holding two conflicting ideas in your head (cognitive dissonance). Men should not beat women, even if they are "incompatible" or "bad" (are you five years old?). And a man should have beaten you. Are you SOOO especially bad that there is a special rule for beating you. Men should not beat women..except Fierflie? What if my husband beat me? Would that be okay? You seem much nicer than me.
Honey... have you really worked on childhood issues with your doc? I have to wonder what things you might even have suppressed. I have never heard anyone think they deserve punishment like you do. It is breaking my heart. If you were a cigar-smoking peg-legged foul-mouthed insolent bitch on wheels, you would not deserve a beating.
You did nothing wrong. Please look in the mirror and repeat "I did nothing wrong" ten times, have some compassion for that beautiful woman reflected back at you and report back!
you need to get out of the house!! Girl, do not let him take up real estate in your head. You handled yourself so well the other night, don't let yourself believe that there was anything wrong with that.
how do i know i handled myself well? you guys aren't just indulging me are you?
i'm still so hurt that he left me... its so hard to be nice to him.. he broke my heart after he did all those things to me... why isn't he sorry?
he acts like i owe him because he's supporting me like it says in the settlement.. but he only was os generous so i wouldn't sue him and expose him. how is it that i want to do that and i feel guilt for not being nice enough? i'm acting and thinking like a maniac
Darlin, you let him off very easy in my opinion. He needs to see that you're gaining strength and not his puppet anymore. He's not sorry because it's not in his programming to be sorry.
Whether you can see it clearly today or not, you're in a very powerful position and he's lucky as hell you didn't press charges right after he beat you. So if the worst he's going to get is a mild comment from you when you're out, well then he's still lucky as hell.
If you stay NC you won't need to hear his snotty attitude about how he's doing you a favor by supporting you. The fact that he doesn't have a felony record is the GIANT favor you've done for him.
Hang in there girl, keep writing it out. I know the insanity you're going through, been there but you will get through it and all the faster if you're NC.
i just did a google search on him and he's all over the internet... mr good looking lawyer.
he just got a new job, too. working with another attorney. if he or she only knew... :(
he gets to keep his image and go on... he gets to play his drum and hang out and have fun like nothing happened... and i still feel guilty and horrible and lonely as hell... damnit.
There's a great site called Getting Past Your Past and sometimes the gal that runs it will say:
Does it hurt when you do that?
Then don't do that.
Don't Google him. How did that help? It made you feel worse. Were there any google entries that said "he likes to joke about raping and torturing teenagers?" Doubtful. And I hope to God we never do google him and find out that's what he did someday.
Go to Redbox and get a movie or something. Think about something else.
what the hell is wrong with me michelle?
i feel better one second then the next day i'm a raging lunatic???
i wouldn't go to parties with him because i was insecure and afraid and now i see him and we are the same party with the same interest and it's so surreal. maybe i am the one with the probloem? maybe i did drive him crazy??
Nothing is wrong with you. You've read our posts...do we seem like irrational, crazy people? Did you not have the "sanity" to get on this board and join our club?
Abuse does this to people. He's had a hold on your mind and he's triggered something fierce within you. You are reacting to not only him, but I think other issues...I just posting something to this effect on another query.
I am realizing that this experience is not necessarily hard because the Mofo is a Narc but that he triggered something deep deep down we've been denying to ourselves. We can create illusions when things are too painful to accept. I ain't a professional not by a longshot, but it's getting clearer.
You just said "I wouldn't go to parties because I was insecure and afraid"
Those feelings came from somewhere and you had them before the NARC whether you were aware of them or not.
I can't get into too much right now, gathering my thoughts myself. I think I'm on to something...but to answer your question/post
Ride the waves, you are not crazy. Take things momement by moment. You will get through this.
i know the insecurity was there already. and that was his point exactly. he alwasy said 'i'm not responsible for your insecurity', but it was os hard to feel safe after he cheated and rejected me sexually and looked at porn and kept posting ads and leaving me and stuff :( but maybe i created it with my insecurity.
Do you know anyone who would feel secure after someone cheated, rejected them sexually, looked at porn, posted ads, and left them?
Can you think of someone who would feel secure after that? Someone... in a coma?
thats true... but it just got worse as i got insecure... it started with one night in a dtrip club and me busting him, then some porn here and there and i got so jealous, then he just kept doing worse stuff and i just clinged tighter
You are so not..
OMG that thinking is so dangerous...
Please dont blame yourself for what has happned to you.
I dont know your story but I know this.
ALL OF US here are wounded and some are more broken that others.
But the very fact that we are here, sharing, being open and being compasssionate to one another is what means we are not the problem.
DO NOT THINK that ever again girl.
Just be strong as you can right now and remember you didn't not casue this and you could do nothing to have averted the disaster this person left in your life.
They trick, lie and cheat.
They build you up on a pedestal only to devalue you and bring you back down with a thud.
Its all calcualted and all out pathological..
Same I was tonight with my ex, you have to hold back and hold tight in your self..
You can have a good man in your life... You can know what it is like to be loved, resepcted and you have to do that for yourself first.
REspect yourself enough to know it was not YOU...
Good luck.
this stuff is hard beyond belief.
Most of my mate sare happily married and a lot of the time ther eis no one there to cry to or to talk too. but you have us and you have to get thru this..
Sorry you feel so unstable right now.
Its not fun place to be...
xx
thank you for taking the time to write to me when i know yu are down today too. i appreciate it more than you know. if you feel so inclined, my story is under the story as 'the story of fierflie' it just got bumped so its close to the top right now.
Yeah, they're great liars
Ending the dance
anotherpath
That's because they get
Ending the dance
OK, but you are holding two
thank you for that. really,
And why would you trust a
Oh no you don't missy!
wholeagain
Then
how do i know i handled
Not indulging you
i just did a google search
There's a great site called
And...
Fierflie
what the hell is wrong with
You are not the one with the problem
i know the insecurity was
Do you know anyone who would
better off
You are so not.. OMG that
Qing Yuan