I'm thinking REVENGE..has anyone done this to an ex N?

Yup, I know a number of us are struggling with these two phases. It's to be expected I think. Did I want revenge, oh yea! I don't think the anger really started to resolve itself until I did something about it. Almost anything would do because I didn't think he should get off scot-free without some kind of retribution or payback. The answer for me was to put my narc on a Cheater website and a Player website. At the very least, should any woman seek some background information on my ex-narc, perhaps even his current OW, I would make sure the background information was out there to warn any other potential victims of his. It felt it right and good. The search engines seem to have nailed him as his profile has received over two million hits or views if you will. That makes me feel good and alleviates much of the pain and suffering . Also serves notice to the narc that his crap has been publicly recorded, exposes his grandiose "good guy" image for the farce that it is. How long does this phase last? It takes as long as it takes. Maybe a few weeks, maybe several months, however long you need it to. The good thing about anger is energizes you, makes you feel alive, forces you to come to terms with the ending of the toxic relationship. For me, anger last several months. Now at six months, that anger is gone and so is the hurt and pain! As for forgiveness, I don't know that I have forgiven my narc. Does matter if you do forgive? No, not necessarily I think. I just don't want to live out my life filled with hate and bitterness, while hanging on those emotions. So, if I can't forget or forgive, I just simply choose to let it go. While you are feeling anger, recognize that it is a healthy emotion. Your emotions and vulnerabilities were toyed and played with, a big chunk of your self-esteem, life-force, and identity as strong independent person were sucked out of you. OF COURSE YOU ARE ANGRY AND HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY! OWN IT LADIES! Good for you! You should be angry! I would even say "wallow" in it. As for getting past the anger, i did find prayer helped a lot! I prayed often and frequently for help getting past it often while doing proactive things like swimming. Time is your friend. It just takes too much energy out of you to maintain the anger indefinitely. I found after a while, I was BORED with it all. My memories began to fade and with them so did the anger! When I was first going through anger, I too wanted revenge and prayed for my narc's downfall. I also started becoming more interested leading a normal life, following my hobbies and interests like gardening and reading - being a "civilian" again. I finally reached acceptance almost without realizing it! So, now the narc is living with his newest victim, seemingly off living a normal happy life. You know it's all a facade Eventually you say, OK, big deal, he has OW now while I have nobody. The good news is you make new friends and acquaintances, then you start to realize it doesn't matter what he's doing. ITS ALL ABOUT YOU NOW! One day you realize nothing that narc does matters anymore - The narc you now know is/was a HIGHLY DISTURBED INDIVIDUAL! He was a DISHONORABLE MAN! Now ask yourself - do you really want a partner like that? If you are like me, you finally can say with all sincerity and conviction "NO!, I want, need and deserve better! You know this is true. You are now glad the OW has him, and she can keep him with your blessings! Ha! Finally, you have reached your goal - indifference. Yea!

Koala100: It hurts until...It can take a few days, weeks, years, and in the truly heart renching cases forever. But you gotta fight. Fight against the bitterness, self-loathing, and ANY emotion that steals YOUR beauty and joy. He/she wins everytime you stoop to their level with revenge, sabotage real love, blame yourself, cry, etc... It hurts until...There was a post here where someone said that you need to embrace the anger. Yes, embrace it just until it starts to turn on you. Then let it go: accept that a psycho hurt you, deceived you. Learn whatever you can from it and open your good heart to love again. DON'T EVER GIVE UP! WORDS AND ACTIONS (OF A NARC) CAN'T BRING US DOWN!

and he would once again have power over you..

"I hope that life is treating YOU kind. I am moving on with my life. I am happy as a result wishing you NOTHING but a great life"-That's what I basically said when I broke NC with the ex-Psych prof in '09!!!! You almost have it verbatim (in terms of the general concepts, tho not in the same words, since I wedged in some excursions to Ukiah&Boston) I DID want to show him that I moved on. NO pining&weeping over here! I omitted all the sad incidents in my life (job loss,those sort of things) and wrote only the HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY ones. But it's because I assumed he was a NORMAL teacher and that he'd be happy about my achievements&moving on. I even wished him a happy family&professional life, as frosting on the cake. Now, when I dealt with the ex-P IN THE FLESH, my happiness drove him nuts. He'd run away from it, avoid me, etc. So, yeah, I guess I was using my happiness as a Weapon of Mass Destruction. I even ended the note with "have a happy --" because I was NEVER allowed to end phone calls with "have a nice day" or "have a wonderful evening." I've LIVED that fantasy. Explains why the ex-P NEVER contacts me.

absolutly spot on...100%....i cant say enough,that NC DOES THEM UP BIGTIME....i did have the pleasure tho of my last words were...YOU DONT CONTROL ME YOU DONT OWN ME...ITS OVER ..MOVE ON..I HAVE...AND I HAVENT SPOKEN OR LOOKED AT HIM SINCE...NC 22 1/2 MNTHS....ITS THE ONLY WAY TO GO... IF EVER I GET COMPLACENT, I READ THESE POSTS..THAT SOON WAKES ME UP..

Seriously, he drove me to do crazy stuff while we were dating. I didn't even recognize myself! I look back and think, "did I really just throw a drink in his face"? Yeah, I did that. He totally deserved it, but it was out of character for me...and it pisses me off to think that I actually got so out of control. He's lucky that's all I threw at him!