Jealousy

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Oct 25 - 1AM (Reply to #17)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You got him pegged Amazed

There is no losing in his world for him. He is always in power. Always: I need to read my old diary entries that I wrote while with him that are filled with so much pain. I do need to remember... it is like i have forgetten the feelings of pain, frustration, sadness, severe loneliness, that i had when with him. Family background of some sort??? IDK what you mean. He was never married. As far as his family of origin he was raised with an extremely overly enmeshed mother that treats her 40 yr old son like an infant... and a severely abusive in the closet gay man who eventually left the family. His mother is extremely creepy... always crying and was forever touching me and on the first day I met her (LOL)... she commented that she liked my breast, long hair, and small waist and told N he did a good job. Although I just smiled at the time, I found it highly inappropriate and just plan creepy. One time she even cried and told N I didn't say goodbye to her at the end of a visit (a lie)... N called me up and raged at me. Told me since i didn't grow up with a 'real mother' I didn't know how to treat a mother figure... he ripped me apart until I cried. Then he dumped me (one of several dumps)- LOL Crazy F****R... (insert eyerolling smiley) ... thank you thank you for your words Amazed!! LOL... I like the way you 'talk.' Actually made me laugh a little about the insanity of envying broken people. It's the baby I am wanting SOOOO much!
Oct 25 - 1AM (Reply to #18)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Because it is wholeness,

Yes,,having a child, the joy, the growing, is the real juice in life. You know it. Don't forget it. That is the real Jess. Fulfillment,,and to truly work towards. This guy, Jess, tried to suck you dry of that, your very dreams...got you off track...his rules,,you tried to learn them, to the neglect of what you wanted. Remember the times you compromised your life for him? The negativity, the pain? The odd things??? The things he said to you, that made you go WTF? Your guts, that told you maybe something isn't right with this guy,,but I will give him a chance? His life, behind the curtains,,is more odd things,,,!! Torture for those living with him,,imagine,,,4000 sq feet of eggshells.. FGS the time with his mother,,he wanted you 'under his thumb' the entire time! You did perfect by him,,what about what you want? Could he deliver to you what you want? All those compromises,,excuses,,allowances you made for him,,the arrogance disregarded, the way he tried to control you..you were right on when you had those strong feelings. Get back to that, you will see he is much less than what you want, or deserve. It was him, setting up the ground work for him to pull yet another one over your eyes. You would never know it (the houses, the cars, the rolexs, diamond s ) his relationship is on the rocks. That is how it goes. You strike me as an ambitious woman (perhaps the qualities that first attracted this guy,,to you!) use your strengh now to realize those qualities are you.