JordyPooh's Story

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#1 Feb 20 - 7PM
JordyPooh
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JordyPooh's Story

BRAINWASHED, My Story

I still question if my ex is really a narcissist or if I drove him to be that way. I mean, I guess that’s narcissism. He convinced me that everything was my fault. I’m even at fault for the way he treated me and for leaving when I was 6 months pregnant.

My story:

We met three years ago in Colorado. We were random roommates through a mutual friend. So I lived with him from the very beginning.

He was different compared to the rest of us in our group of friends. He always presented himself as the cool, mysterious, guy that had his sh*t together. He was calm and collected at all times and very serious. The rest of us were out-going, goofy folks that loved having fun and enjoyed each others company.

He made sure that we knew that he thought we were “imature” because we would drink, dance and have a good time, because of that, he was better than us. We just accepted him for who he was.

I was physically attracted to him, Italian look with an athletic body but his personality turned me off (at first). I’m more into fun out-going guys. Not the serious “mature” guy. So, I wasn’t into him at all. We were polar opposite personalities. Perhaps that’s the exact reason he was attracted to me.

After a few months within moving in, he had me under his spell. I knew I didn’t like his personality but towards me, he was different. He was fun, friendly, lovable and caring.

To me and to me only.

He would fix my car, buy me jewelry, pay my rent, only wanted to be with me and told me how beautiful I was and how he missed me even when I was standing right next to him.

I hated how he treated my friends and his employees but I looked pasted it because he was SO GOOD to me and I thought I could never find anything better so I shouldn’t pass it up.

I lived the romantic dream for about 8 months.

Things slowly started changing but I ignored the signs.

He started viewing me like he did my friends. He told me he didn’t like that I would drink and hang out with my girlfriends, that I was immature and time for me to grow up.

If I didn’t change, he threatened to leave.

Because I loved him and wanted to make him happy. I “changed”.

I stopped drinking. Stopped hanging out with my friends because it was a “temptation” and he didn’t trust me. I left my photographer career for a more serious and stable job. Threw away my travel photography dream and moved in with him out of town in the middle of no where.

I became this domestic shut in playing house catering to his needs.

He later told me that he “didn’t like the way I turned out after I changed” hearing that broke my heart, I was doing everything thing in my power to be who he wanted me to be and I failed.

Little did I know, it was impossible.

He was SO confusing and frustrating.

He would tell me not to do something. So I wouldn’t do it. Than he would tell me he DID want me to do it, but do it DIFFERENTLY. I did it differently, then he would revert back to telling me not to do it. It was endless and exhausting.

He would randomly get pissed off, within in a few minutes he would go from 0 to punching the wall out of frustration. I ask “What’s wrong” and he responds “ I want to finish this movie!” Ok? I didn’t know, just tell me that. He expected me to know he wanted to finish watching the movie before going to the grocery store.

He was a workaholic. Literally worked 7 - 11 almost 6 and sometimes 7 days a week. And it wasn’t for money, because he made salary so his excuse didn’t make sense (which was to support us). He would complain “ I work all the time to support you and you don’t respect that” but he didn’t have to work all the time, he chose too. I did respect his work ethic, I just wanted him not to go to work on the first day we both have off together. He then would yell at me for crying and being disappointed that he chose to go to work instead.

He had zero empathy. If I said I was tired or sick. “well do something about it”.

If I got a speeding ticket or something happened at work and told him about it “well, its your own fault, so don’t complain about it”

I felt like he hated me. It went from being loved to totally despised.

He turned into a brick wall. No personality but pissed off at the world. I would try to sit next to him on the couch and would be as stiff as a board. He wouldn't move over to give me room to sit down, he wouldn't embrace me if I tried to hug him, in fact, he would be annoyed I was near him, get up and go sit on the floor.

He also would bluntly ignore me. I could understand if I was nagging but I would ask a simple question, like "how was your bike ride" or " what color is the furniture". He would look at me, as if to say, "I acknowledge that you talking to me", fallowed by along stare with the expression, "why are you talking to me", and then went back to what ever he was doing. It drove me NUTS but I looked passed it.

I told him I was pregnant, expecting some kind of emotion. “Oh cool” and went outside to work on his stupid BMW. Really? I just kept telling myself "he just not an emotional guy, its cool"

We were in the car and I had a spell of morning sickness. I told him to pull over. “Dont puke in my car” he says. I started crying and he says “Damnit Katie” so I cried harder. He didn’t talk to me the rest of the night. Said he was annoyed how over emotional I was.

He stopped wanting to have sex with me. :( Apparently I wanted it to much. Then would pleasure himself in the shower. Sorry to be graphic. I felt so unwanted.

Between all this he would buy me a $1000. Nikon camera, jewelry or surprise me with a date night to a movie I have been waiting to see. It was just confusing

The mental abuse was endless and I feel like I could write a book, but I'm going to bring this to the more present.

When I was 6 months pregnant he left for Colorado for a job. He was suppose to come back.

At first we talked on the phone.... he said the only reason I wanted to talk to him was because I wanted attention.

Then he wanted space and I could only talk to him on Tuesdays. I agreed and just assumed it was his nerves because of the baby.... how could I not see how manipulating he was? I was SO brainwashed! I thought I needed him.

He called a month later. Said he was just gonna stay in Colorado. That I’m not grown up enough and he’s tired of dealing with my problems ( what problems, you mean your baby I carry?) I said F U and hung up.

He texted me asking me to pay half the rent!!! And took 1000s of my savings before leaving.

That call was 5 minutes long. Not much closure to be had. I tried calling him. I tried telling him I would move back to CO if that's what he wanted. I told him I wanted him to be a part of our daughters life.

Not a word. How can someone do that with feeling bad, no guilt or concern for their own flesh and blood? We spent the last three years living together and we are now having a child and you can move on that easy??

He ended up moving to FL during the end of my pregnancy to finish aerospace engineering school. Lucky him. I wish I had time to finish full time but instead I'm working and raising a child and doing online classes in the middle of the night.

Then I found out about narcissism and read Lisa’s books. In one day.

I decided on the no contact. I had too. I was literally addicted to him. Why, I don’t know. Its what they do. They make it so you need them and being pregnant didn’t help.

I cried all the way till the birth of my daughter. I stopped eating and couldn’t breather from crying.

I stopped enjoying my pregnancy. I was mad at my unborn child because she was a part of him. It was horrible.

I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so lost in what he wanted, I lost who I was.

I couldn’t understand why he left, I did EVERYTHING he wanted. Everything. I was perfect for him. I was so confused.

I asked his sister why he left me. Turns out she hated me because he told her and everyone else that I was an alcoholic that made him pay for everything. The lies he told were so out there that it was almost laughable. She told him I texted her and he texted me saying “look in a mirror and you’ll see why I left”.

Ugh, I just felt horrible.

I read Lisa’s book. Best thing I ever did.

I threw away anything and everything that reminded me of him (sep the camera ha). I deleted pictures on facebook. Changed my phone #. I deleted him from my life.

I needed to be healthy by the time my daughter was born.

It was probably one of the hardest times of my life.

Time pasted and I heard nothing of him till 3 months after she was born. So for about 5 months we had no contact.

JA month ago he served me with a summons for full custody and for me to pay him child support.

He hasn’t met her and hes given me a total of $125. I told he could come meet her, he hasn't made an effort yet and is telling people that I am keeping her from him.

I have to talk to him because of court and he’s telling me how much he loves me and our daughter and wants me back blah blah.

Although he is till charming. The awareness helps a lot. I notice things now that disgust me. Such as complaining that he can’t claim her on his taxes because I didn’t put his name on the BC. I mean, really dude?

Or that his only close friend is a guy that can get BMW parts at cost. He just plans to use the guy.

This girl that works with him, goes to his school AND lives in his apartment building lost her licence. She asked if he would give her a ride sometime. He said no, it was her fault for losing her license and needs to figure it out on her own. And he's telling me how he treated this girl as if he's proud how much of a hard ass he is. I feel so bad for my daughter.
He's just mean and he doesn't make his expectations clear and even if he did, they're unreachable.

AND SOME HOW, knowing all this, at times, he can still convince me why he does what he does and I start to feel sorry for him but I have been strong and don't let anything get to me. Which is why no contact is so wonderful. No contact is hard right now because of court stuff but I'm trying to be as to the point as possible. I even told him this but he continues to blow up my phone and text me.

Anyway, that’s my story. He has to be a narc, right??? I’m not wrong am I?

Feb 21 - 3PM
JordyPooh
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I'm going to write my

Feb 21 - 11AM
talktothehand
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Jordy

Feb 21 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
JordyPooh
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Talktothehand, I know you're

Feb 20 - 10PM
Garden
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What do you mean you have to

Feb 21 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
JordyPooh
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Well, my lawyer suggested

Feb 21 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
talktothehand
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Jordy

Feb 21 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
JordyPooh
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Talktothehand, I know I

Feb 21 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
spinning
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Jordy, read and re-read

spinning

Feb 20 - 8PM
JordyPooh
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And thank you for the advise!

Feb 20 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
unbreakmyheart
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He's a loser!

Feb 20 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
Laci423
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Jordy

Feb 20 - 8PM
JordyPooh
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Hopefully Free, I'm new and

Feb 21 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
spinning
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Jordy, strap on

spinning

Feb 21 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
JordyPooh
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Spinning, thank you for your

Feb 20 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
leslieisback
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Jordy

Feb 20 - 7PM
hopefully free
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Jordy