Just need some encouragement :(

This recovery process is surely a roller coaster. Up and down and all around. My days have been much better of late. Drove into town to run today by myself and parked at the library. After my run was over, I sat in my car to text my girlfriend and let her know I was done. When I looked up, across the street was my ex N and the OW out for a walk, laughing ....it triggered me right back to the terrible feelings and tears.

They were turning right onto the street where we used to walk and I could see him pointing out the house where he first lived with his wife. He did the exact same thing with me. We walked and he told me the stories about them living there. The sick part is that the OW's now ex (her 3rd) lived right across the street.

Even though I looked and could see her smiling and animated listening too him and knowing that he is truly an empty monster, it still broke my heart. How could I not love myself enough to know that he is evil and sick? How could I still cry after all this time? Tonight I feel like there is no fairness for those of us who are kind and loving and good.

I am tired of having them thrown into my face every time I turn around. I hate them both and I hate having to be alone crying and suffering through this. My friends don't understand and I find myself not even telling them what I am going through. Tonight is misery again and I want it to be over. I am working so hard at no contact but it seems they are everywhere I go....