kizzy72's Story

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#1 Mar 23 - 12PM
kizzy72
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kizzy72's Story

My Recent Mess

This it the recent mess I got into -- luckily it was caught before it went too far.

I met this guy on facebook.

Well anyway, he and I got to talking and seemed to be forming a friendship but right off, I would start to notice he had this hot/cold thing where he would be all open, speaking and replying to my notes, but then there were days he would sign on, post stuff on his Facebook page, but wouldn't respond to my private notes. I brushed it off at first.

He seemed to be grateful towards me that I was straight up with him and that he had the capability to discern who is real and who is not. But I didn't like what I was seeing and I had this gut feeling about him that bothered me, so I took him off of my friend list, which he said hurt his feelings. I remained in communication with him, and he explained that me taking him off of my friend list is a form of running away.

Well for some reason, he felt that after reading a few of my emails that I had, as he would say a melancholic temperament and that my thinking is askew (but said it didnt bother him, and that he in fact wanted to help me with this). He said he and brother have the same temperament; melancholic, (especially his brother), and that hes involved with his church and likes to help people who have special gifts; talking about God, and forgiveness and all.

He went on and on about how I inspire him and that for a year he was in a self pity state until he saw the website I did for his brother, and it got him out of his melancholic state to get up and get the job that he wanted.

Anyway, Im an artist myself, I suffer with depression, especially since last year when I lost my father, but I had some emotionally unresolved issues with my father, so I took in a lot of what he said because Im open to the fact that I have my own issues that need work and I can be insecure about things, so he decided to call me.

We talked for almost three hours. It was great. He had me read Bible scriptures on forgiveness, helped me to understand my own temperament because it is very melancholic, so I was very intrigued by our discussions. But then he started talking about personal issues with him that harbored him emotionally for most of his life, some things I was shocked by.

Well to put a long story short, he told me to keep up the communication, say what I feel and dont hold stuff in. So I did, but I didnt talk to him about only things that were bothering me, I sent jokes and other stuff like I did with everyone on my list.

Well all I know is, he told me, based on one of my notes, that he would call, and to be prepared to talk.

Well he calls me, and instantly, I noticed strange behavior that wasnt there before. He started cursing at me. Then he told me, I want to know your soul, and asked me what is bothering me the most right now. So I told him, as I did in our first conversation, that my weight is one of the biggest factors, because I gained weight due to steroid treatments for this rheumatoid problem I have.

So he ask me how much do you weigh, I told him Im not comfortable revealing that information, then he yelled how much do you weigh or Im hanging up!!!!. So I told him my weight, which he was shocked at, but told me that he feels that Im trying to reach for unrealistic goals, worrying about what other people think.

Then we got on the subject of my illness, which during our first conversation he was very compassionate about, but this second conversation he said you are not sick!!!!!!, and all that Im feeling is pent up anger and resentments.

Eventually we got off the subject of my issues, and just talked. And I told him that I have to be careful because some things I didnt feel were appropriate and could causes problems. So he asked me what issue are you talking about, he knew what issue I was talking about, but he said, there is no so in so!, then asked me if I was fishing for a story. I told him Im not, that he asked me a question and I was giving him an answer.

Well we got off of that, but he seems to be getting worse and worse during our conversation, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells with him suddenly, and it left me wondering where did this God fearing man go because he was cursing up a storm.

Well, I asked him a question, as me trying to get to know him, based on something he told me about himself during our first conversation.

He said what are you talking about?, I said you told me about this issues during our first conversation. He said no I never told you that, then again, he starts to get more impatient.

So then I said to him, why is it you can ask all kinds of questions about me, but I cant ask you anything. He replies and says because you are asking me stupid questions!!!!!!!.

Then he hung up on me and hasnt spoken to me since.

Ive sent him several notes apologizing, but he never replied for days, and again went back to that ignoring me, but posting stuff on his wall. So I got tired of the silent treatment and removed him from my friend list.

Needless to say, he has said nothing to me since.

So much for me keeping up the communication and saying what I feel.

Im over here suffering with anxiety attacks because I dont know what I did, and he wont tell me.

This is killing me because I don't like feeling like I did something wrong or being left hanging.

Now I'm finding out about his background, and just found out he's been in prison twice for DUI's, serving one year in jail, and another sentence of six months, plus multiple tax liens, bankruptcy's and then some, yet I'm still sitting here wondering why he has not contacted me and why he's not answering my notes. And I've never even met this guy nor had interest in him for anything more than friendship.

I was in an abusive relationship in 2009 with an alcoholic, who d**n near killed me, and even then, I blamed myself.

There has got to me something wrong with me?

Mar 23 - 2PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

No Kizzy nothing wrong with you

AND it seems to me he is very sick and I'd run the other way with a quickness...and go NC! What he is doing is peeking you for all your weaknesses so he can abuse you and he knows your weak spots. He will manipulate and abuse you. So early in the relationship and he's already doing it. Any questions? Do you need me to clarify or explain more what I'm saying or do you follow what I'm saying? It's not you at all...but you can't go about telling people where all your weak spots are. He's gathering data. From the little I've seen, yes, he's sick...very sick and you need to disengage for your own safety, don't even have a discussion - no contact that's it... Hugs!
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

This is the problem

I started talking to him on the phone, as I would approach someone who claims to be in pastoral counseling. I believed him because his own father is a minister. He claimed to be a person that specializes in helping people who have melancholic depression issues, that's why I told him so much about me. He went on and on about how I inspired him, and how I need to start thinking more of myself. The first conversation was a normal one, but the second conversation he changed, especially the minute I asked him why he got fired a year ago. And I know he told me this, but knowing him, he may have been drunk and didn't remember telling me that. Its like going to church, talking to a pastor and getting spit on. I was in no way interested in this man for a relationship. I just thought he and I were friends because he insisted we were.
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Narcissists exist everywhere - even in church

Their drive is power and control...they are lawyers, doctors, judges, teachers, pastors, counselors, therapists...they are everywhere. They master manipulation...they can master the word of GOD if it suits them... It gives them power, control and followers... Be very careful...awareness of this is not where it needs to be...that's why there are so many victims...it's not you...look elsewhere for help...he's not the one for you...on any level...not even on a friendship level. Hugs...
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

Thank you Michele

I appreciate it. Glad I found out this early on. At one point he was even talking about us meeting up, but after seeing his past background, he moves around so much, never having a consistent job and seems to have a love/envy relationship with his brother. He lives through his brother, and sadly they both have the same background.
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Kizzy

My pleasure and very happy you missed a trainwreck; however, just because you missed it doesn't mean it can't happen in the future. Arm yourself with knowledge, learn the signs and the red flags...research not only Narcissism but Personality Disorders in general... Knowledge is power and they're everywhere and none of us here were aware either that's how we got taken... I am happy that today I was able to help someone before much worse happened. YOU got away... But the risk is still out there with other's .... arm yourself with knowledge and learn the signs. Hugs! AND I wish you all the best.
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

Thank you again

I am just blessed that I am not his relative. All I can do is pray for him at this point. Glad I didn't meet up with him
Mar 23 - 1PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Oh, kizzy, sweetheart,

I believe you have been D & D'd. I urge you to stop contacting this person. I am no expert, hardly, but I do believe you may have some self-esteem issues. I know all about those, but the longer you go without addressing them the more 'recent messes' you will find yourself in. Is there any way you could go to a counselor or a therapist? I think that would be helpful. I know about money issues, so if it's not possible maybe you could read all there is on this board (all the blogs, they're most helpful) and other self-help books and information online? It's terrible to be treated so poorly by someone who is obviously quite a mess themselves. YOU DO NOT NEED IT! Let it go! Big hugs to you, kizzy. You will find some very helpful information here. sincerely (finally slowing way down from) spinning

spinning

Mar 23 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

D&D'd?

What's D & D'ed?
Mar 23 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Kiz,

D & D is Devalued and Discarded. It's what people like this do when they no longer find you useful. I urge you to read all the blogs on here. Things may click for you. Also, on the message board at the top is a thread that details the lingo and abbreviations. I hope this helps. You will be amazed at what there is to learn. sincerely (finally slowing way down from) spinning

spinning

Mar 23 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

Counseling

I'm already in counseling - thank you I would like a little more insight to this issue than just telling ME that I need help and I'm a head case, and that I've been devalued and discarded. I'm not stupid. Its the "why" I've been discarded and devalued that bothers me. I already feel bad enough and your reply makes me feel worse......
Mar 24 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
spinning
spinning's picture

wow...

I apologize. I was only trying to help. Good luck. sincerely (finally stopping) spinning

spinning

Apr 1 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

Its ok Spinning

I was new to the board and in denial so when you said I was discarded and devalued it hurt like a tone of bricks because I was still in the "what did I do" frame of mind so telling me to see a therapist was like confirming for me that something was wrong with me. I didn't get it then, but that was the best thing to tell me because going back to my therapist help me to realize that I was dealing with a sick person, so now we are focusing on building up my self esteem. Its still hard, especially considering he's related to a celebrity, so I'm having panic attacks and moments of depression if I see or hear his music because I have to be reminded of his brother and what his brother did to me.
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Kissy

Have you read up on narcissism and/or personality disorders in general? Typically Narcs live through others and they target people to manipulate and use to feel off of them emotionally. They need to feed off of others to feel they have an identity because they have none. They use manipulation, gaslighting and projection to abuse and later on it can escalate to physical violence. They have no empathy they feign it. They act supportive and caring and drill you for information about you so that they can then use it against you to destroy you. That is why Spinning said what she said...they are psychologically damaging and can leave their victims in a clinical state of trauma without even lifting a finger on you because it is psycological abuse and it is stealth. It happens without you even noticing it until one day you are totally destroyed. The D&D was explained ...that is their final exit the one final blow in their campaign of destruction. They secretly hate and envy you because you have something they want....feelings, empathy, love and warmth and because they can't feel these things they latch on to others and mirror. It really is very sick but we've all been victimized so as soon as you told your story, we could identify it with a quickness. You might want to read up some more on it? AND note, that a lot of the therapists don't quite understand it that well either so you have to arm yourself with information in order to protect yourself. It sounds early enough for you that you can get out of this and I strongly urge you to do so. Hugs!
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture

yeah

I know, they are very sick, it just blind sided me to have this experience and what concerns me is (not that I'm going to do anything about it), his own brother has to put up with this behavior and I can't help but to believe his "celebrity" brother has followed in his older brothers foot steps because he STILL to this day relies on him for advice, and if he's treating me like this, God only knows what his brother is being treated him like and his brother is in a world of trouble right now. Its shameful I only experienced one day of abuse from this man, can you imagine an entire lifetime. Its no wonder his "celebrity" brother is all messed up. And thank you for your advice, its more clear for me to understand what you are saying.