Love is Just a 4 Letter Word

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#1 Mar 15 - 4PM
seancunningham
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Love is Just a 4 Letter Word

For me, the whole thing went awry when I whispered the L word in N's ear. All bets were off....Do Not Pass Go...Do Not Collect $200. I was considered weak and insignificant. It was like a total shut-down. I figured 5 weeks-in was long enough to say it. N was a text book case NARCISSIST. I wished I had known what that meant. He has all of the traits. I would have saved myself a lot of aggravation.

I'm actually glad I said it. It caused the mask to slip early on. I knew that someone couldn't be THAT nice all of the time. Besides, he was stepping out on the ex before they broke up and admitted it. Just showed me what kind of character he had. I think subconciously I had my guard up, as his behaviour became somewhat erratic. There were no daytime dates, or public ones. We spent most of our evenings in my apartment. I couldn't go over there, or phone. Yet, I was told I was clingy and co-dependent. Clingy how? co-dependent how? My communication with him was limited. He always called me. I never questioned his whereabouts. I was the perfect non-questioning mate....if I do say so myself ;)

Mar 15 - 9PM
seancunningham
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How Do You Rationalize?

Hi Quietude! How does one rationalize madness? We victims are the normal ones, yet after the Ns leave, we're left scratching our heads wondering what we did wrong. Let's face it, it's never enough. We don't have what it takes to fix these people. In fact, no one does. Therapy wasn't a success for him. He said it was the therapist that needed the therapy. I need to break the cycle. I seem to be attracting this type. I did a history of my track record. Could it be I'm bringing this out in people? Are we the catalysts? Has anyone gone from an N to a REAL relationship with a normal person? I'd like to hear a success story.
Mar 15 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
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seancunningham

since MRI scans prove their brains are wired differently, all I can say is you can't make sense out of a SICK SICK mind. And don't even try. You are not the catalyst: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/28/am-i-responsible-how-he-acts-do-i-drive-his-behavior You must be a really good, decent and wonderful person. These predators always pick the best of us humans and then suck us dry. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 15 - 4PM
quietude (not verified)
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love

You got that right sean, they HATE when we tell them we love them. It's like garlic to a vampire. Love implies intimacy, closeness....eww, can't have that! When my ex came back last time, it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me he loved me. He had started D&D'ing me almost immediately. It was such a painful time. For me, it was kind of the opposite, in the beginning...HE told me he loved me, too quickly and often. It didn't feel right. But you know, it was just a word to him, one that he thought I would like to hear...that's all. As long as he OWNED IT, it was okay to say. But when he wanted to withold affection and make me worry about the relationship, the L word disappeared. "You were the perfect non-quesitoning mate"..I hear you!! I was damn good to him too, gave him space, didn't question him...because I hated his defensiveness and raging. He had it eee-zzzz. I really got sick of having a relationship that was so one-sided, basically just a slave to the whims of an N is what it amounted to. They love to label us to make us think there's something wrong with us. We're TOO clingy, we're not affectionate ENOUGH. We call them too much, we don't pay enough attention to them...etc. Crazy-making stuff.