Misogynistic men and relationships with them

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#1 Jul 18 - 9AM

Puzzle

Misogynistic men and relationships with them

I have been away in Sydney for a few days; it was so nice to get away from all things N. I didn't want to come home, almost cried when I got on the plane, having to go back and face reality and the possibility of bumping in to him and seeing his friends etc, people connected to him. It made me realise it would be so much easier to move away and pretend he never existed.

It is so hard to move ahead when you are looking out for them all the time. It was so nice to go out to the pub and not scan the room for him, let my hair down and be free.

Anyway back to my story. I was in a bookstore and walked up to the self help section where I seem to find myself all too often these days. There was a book titled "Men who hate women, and the women who love them."

It is all about misogynistic relationships and I would recommend everyone to read it.

It also talks about why we find ourselves with these men, and how to change your thinking and feelings.

I sometimes think my Narc doesn't always fit every Narc description but this book filled the gaps.

I have realised he is a misogynist aka a woman hater.
Here are a few things about misogynistic relationships and being in a relationship with one. Very similar to a Narc, but what really stuck out to me was the blame game and silent treatment I was always dealt. Plus my ex saw women in a different way. I think he was threatened by them, maybe something about having a powerful mother. He sees them as needy and risks being tied down to their needs and demands. He was a total commitment phobic at times, and I guess this book explained a lot to me. I recommend reading it.

"Misogynistic men blame women for everything that goes wrong in the relationship and often in their outside life as well. Women in love with misogynists find themselves apologizing for everything and walking on eggshells most of the time.
Does your guy punish you by withholding intimacy, money, love or approval because you have done something to “offend” him?

#2 Jul 18 - 3PM

onwithmylife

Puzzle

read that book a long time ago when I was still with the Narc, by Susan Forward I believe, to me, their hatred of women all goes back to their caregiver, their mother and not getting the unconditional love they so desperately sought growing up.Sam Vaknin's book mentions that in one of his chapters, it is a great book, even if he is a Narc.

#3 Jul 18 - 1PM

sunny 523

This book is a must-read for

This book is a must-read for everyone on this board. Highly recommend!!! XOXO M

#4 Jul 18 - 9AM

Puzzle

whoops here's the rest of my post

"Misogynistic men will often use affection as a weapon against the women they love in order to teach them a lesson or worse, put them in their place. If you fail to behave as they expect, or do something to upset them, the misogynist will give you the silent treatment, pout like a petulant child, refuse to do something he has already agreed to do, refuse to give you access to money, or withdraw from intimacy until such time as he feels you have sufficiently repented." "Be prepared for an outpouring of love and affection. Misogynists can turn the charm on and off like a switch. He may bring you flowers. He may try to whisk you away on a romantic vacation or second honeymoon. He may even modify his behavior long enough for you to believe he has truly changed. Don’t be fooled. Misogyny is an inherent trait like racism or anti-Semitism. Deeply ingrained in the psyche of who he is, he cannot change his core beliefs or hatred for women in general." "Being in love with a misogynist is painfully challenging. He loves you, he hates you, he blames you. You are on a constant roller coaster of emotions during the relationship."

#5 Jul 18 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

janine

petulant child

What you describe is the essence of the borderline. My ex had a lot of those traits in addition to having NPD. Same with my father. Both of these men I loved had extremely cold and cruel dominating mothers who beat them up, ridiculed and blamed them and never gave them an ounce of love. All that was hidden under the proper image of the caring mother to the outside world. In both cases there were weak fathers playing up to their wives. My N regarded himself as damaged beyond healing. His therapist said pretty much the same to me. He will continue living in a black and white world, but it's growing darker all the time.

#6 Jul 18 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

prettypeeved

Sounds like a good book,

Sounds like a good book, although in my case being gay, it seems to me my narc simply hated gays - including himself.

#7 Jul 18 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

Susan32

Homophobic gays

Your Narc sounds A LOT like my ex-Psych prof! Isn't there a way we can hook those two up??? My former Narc boss would make derogatory jokes about gays&lesbians... despite the fact he was *OPENLY* gay&he had tons of lesbian friends. He even catered a wedding for lesbians here in California when it was still legal. The ex-Psych prof was virulently homophobic... and when his relationship with an openly gay prof fell apart, there was anger&recrimination on both sides. The openly gay prof told me not to get romantically/sexually involved with the ex-P (I was still smitten, yet somehow through the grace of God I followed that advice), considered him evil incarnate... while the ex-P deemed the openly gay prof (who replaced the fat ex-P with a hot Asian guy) "a man scorned." Calling a colleague "a man scorned" is WEIRD. The openly gay prof saved me from much heartbreak;thanks to him, I didn't date/marry/have sex/have kids with the ex-P. It was an openly lesbian therapist on-campus who saw the ex-P for what he is... she still works there as a prof, hates his guts. The ex-P practically had multiple orgasms when Clinton signed Don't Ask, Don't Tell/Defense of Marriage Act (I think Obama has rendered him flaccid) He was ecstatic about marriage&the military being saved from "the gays." He mocked Rainbow Flava, a collective of gay African-American rappers. The ex-P was the epitome of a homophobic gay. Nobody thought his girlfriend was straight, let alone bi&somewhat interested in him. He'd ogle men instead of women when I was with him. He'd talk about men being handsome, virtuous women being plain... because that's in Tolstoy. His favorite book, "War and Peace",has a homoerotic passage about Napoleon being massaged by his male assistants before the Battle of Borodino in 1812. The ex-P was a gay-hating gay INCARNATE.

#8 Jul 18 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

Caligirl

puzzle

Glad you had a good trip! Does the book mention how these men get this way? Is it similar to the N and is it cultural? I'm thinking yes. Thanks! :)

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