More hoovering?!

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#1 Sep 5 - 6PM
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

More hoovering?!

Ugh! Ugh!! UGHHH!!!!

I didn't hear from him for 2 1/2 months.
So very much I WISH I could believe that he has tried to contact me recently because he genuinely misses ME, and wants at least proper closure with someone he truly cared about for the 2 1/2 YEARS we were together!!! Sadly enough.... I cannot allow myself to bellieve that.

Didn't hear from him until about a weeke and a half ago (i posted on here when he tried to contact me last.) And now today, I get this message on Facebook....

"Hello, I realize that you don't want to talk to me or even see me for that fact. I would like to acknowledge that your birthday is coming next week (the reason I will not acknowledge your bday on the 14th is because I don't want to taint your special day) and I would like to give you a little something to show you that not only am I thinking about your mild stone b~day but that you're missed and thought of. If you were to be so kind to accept this gift I would like to drop it off at your side door tomorrow. Thank you for your time."

WTF?!?! Can someone help me translate this with the Narc-a-lator translator?? What the crap?! He figures he knows i don't want to hear from him (which would imply he would know the reasons why at this point?) -- yet he is contacting me anyways??

And he KNOWS what was/is important to me --- not gifts -- i would never want a material gift from him , i onnly ever wanted the intrinsic things from the heart, 2-way commmunication, understanding.... you know (all the things he could never give.)

This message BEGS reply!!! It is so hard not to reply to this one!!!

Sep 6 - 3PM
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

Thank you all so much for

Thank you all so much for your words of strength and support as well!!! Definitely has helped, very much appreciated! Things got even worse last night. he finally sent me a much longer email late last night full of jabs, accusations, gaslighting, MUCH confusion, coldness and hate. (actually served as a stark reminder.... ) Sooooo...... as of early early this morning I blocked him from FB! In fact i blocked his name AND all his emails that i know of. I also started to think about our mutual "friends" and was going to start the blocking them, when i actually took it a step further.... deleted a couple, then just deactivated my account. I may eventually reactivate after it all blows over ...b/c i have a lot of friends and family who live far away on my FB and it helps to stay connected. But everybody else will still be deleted/blocked. Next step.... setting up new email (since i don't think i can block him in gmail), and blocking on my phone forever and ever amen.
Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

excellent! i'm so proud of

excellent! i'm so proud of you. :=) you're gonna love this new life...without him. might be hard some days...but trust me, it gets better. (((hugs)))
Sep 6 - 1PM
Used
Used's picture

just defriend him or block

just defriend him or block him why do you feel the need to tell him? supply supply...he wont be told by f.b you have defriend him or blocked him...he will get the message when he tries to see you....why on earth tell him off ,its pointless?
Sep 6 - 11AM
Used
Used's picture

he dosent want to ruin your

he dosent want to ruin your birthday...HE JUST DID...come your birthday this will be the idiot you will be thinking about..not the people who love you enough to send you cards, but this arsehole...everything they do is planed to hurt you...he just has and in a weeks time he will again...why is he not blocked from your f.b?
Sep 6 - 10AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

why is he on your FB friends

why is he on your FB friends list? Omit that, and you omit all the other bs headaches and drama.
Sep 6 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

Weird thing was even tho he

Weird thing was even tho he was no longer on my friends list... when he sent that second FB email to me last evening he mentioned things he shouldn't have known unless he'd seen my "wall". I am sure my wall is private.... i have a hunch he was using a common friend for information. HE is BLOCKED now, AND a couple friends have been deleted AND my account is deactivated so i am done with that drama. :0)
Sep 6 - 8AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Emotional Blackmail

This message is emotional blackmail. YOU don't want to see me. YOU don't want to talk to me. It's all YOUR fault that there has been NC for 2 1/2 months, or closure of the entire relationship. Let me see. If this man genuinely missed you and wanted contact, he could call his florist, send an order of flowers to your side door, with a card--"love you, miss you." If he wanted to send you a gift for your birthday, he could just send it like a normal person. Not send some dumb ass e-mail mail putting everything on YOU to give him permission to come over with it a week before because YOU do not want him around on YOUR birthday. People who want to give gifts just give them with no strings or conditions attached. This gift has conditions, contact with him, persmission to come over, etc. I don't care if the gift is an elephant, if it won't go in the mail, then there is always package & delivery services. Don't you see the "carrot" here? You are curious. You want to know what the gift is. That's human nature & he's manipulating you to fall for the carrot. If you take the bait, the "gift" may be very inconsequential--let's say, an old pair of gloves you left in his place. Because there is no gift. If a person has a gift, they are so excited, they can't wait to give it & there are no conditions to the handing over. This is why I say, he would just send the gift if he were a normal person. So little he knows you or even thinks of you. If he did, he would have known that you did want contact with him all along. Want my take? He was busy with NS for the last few months. And that NS has floundered. Maybe the NS will be reinstated, if so, then he will drop you again. If NS is not reinstated & you permit him back, this may be an entre to starting all over again. If you do not want this man, then answer nothing. Ignore him. Part of the emotional blackmail is that the missive is demanding a response. It is intrusive. So manipulative. If you answer, you are feeding him. If you ignore, he will be starved & move on to yet another new victim. Look, this has ZERO to do with you. It is all about him.
Sep 6 - 3AM
Journey
Journey's picture

He doesn't want to ruin your

He doesn't want to ruin your birthday, so he'll ruin the week before instead. Ya right, a narc wanting desperately to seem 'normal' and to be thought of as a 'good guy'. Huh! He could care less in the 2 1/2 months however. You have every right to be angry at this hoover and to ignore it - he does not deserve an explanation! NCNC! xo

Journey on...

Sep 5 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Low supply

They cycle every three to six months! He's bored and look for you to feed on. They try every angle to fuck with you, its their life's work. Who can I fuck with today! It's time you fuck with him, you know how? Delete,Delete,Delete!!! Plan a great Birthday celebration, Narc free! He deserves nothing from you! NOTHING! Hunter
Sep 5 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

I agree, Hunter!! Thank

I agree, Hunter!! Thank you!! (really need to hear all this right noww!!) Who the hell does he think he is?!?! OMG!! I would like to smack him silly and set him straight!! (and i have never been a violent person.... ) The more distance from him, the more time that has gone by... the less sense the things he "says" seem to make. Distance and time do help with the objectivity at least a little bit. How can he possibly think for one second that i would be okay with any of it... ??? What nerve. I would like to kick the crap out of him til there's no ego left.
Sep 5 - 6PM
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

Shouldn't i just at least

Shouldn't i just at least reply and tell him "Stay the hell away from me, my kids and my house"...???
Sep 6 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

student of life

No...you should remove him from your 'friends' list. He will be notified of that, and you will have to say nothing more. That's just my advice. You will continue to get these silly FB messages, and they will serve no purpose.
Sep 5 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

No !!! See how it's

No !!! See how it's working? You're thinking about contact, he will draw you in! He didn't give a shit about you for 21/2 months and you feel he deserves a response!! Really?? Let your silence be your sentence! Hunter
Sep 5 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
StudentOfLife
StudentOfLife's picture

Hunter

You have so much strength! Thank you for sharing that strength with me and with all of us on the board as well. It helps tremendously, and you are so very much appreciated!!! :0) *BIG HUGS*
Sep 5 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I don't have strength, trust

I don't have strength, trust me, I miss the fantasy! I just read Thomas Sheridans book, puzzling people! Scoop loves him! I just can't give anymore of my self to something that's not real! This sickness is what's real, the games they play with our souls, that's real! The only way it fight back is silence!! To continue with this gets you nowhere! Hunter