More Narc Speak EMAIL/TEXT to share

Hi.
I just wanted to say I have been crying off and on and it has helped to share this with you all here. I have been reading on this forum but hadn't signed on until last week. Thank you to fingingmeagain, Kiwi, mystwoman, fearformysanity, allthatglitters, Deirdre, Hunter, booboo, and mynewlife2011!!!! You girls really helped me feel like I am not alone and rallied around me with great advice----THANK YOU---it means so much right now.

I am in this process of breaking up with him and I am grieving our relationship and reading so much and finding that their might be something really wrong with him on a deeper level NPd?. It has been confusing and uncomfortable. I don't feel like any of my friends understand but they agree that he is a dick for cheating on me in our home.

I really thought we were happy, sure we had ups and downs but I loved him.

I wanted to share a few emails. Sometimes his emails have a way of making me feel guilty. I read about no contact but there is going to be a move soon I just have to find a place, so total nc right now is not really possible. Tring to negoiate how this is going to work.

Here is the text exchange when I left the house the day I walked in on them:

him: STOP THIS!!! YOU PRACTICALLY DESTROYED THE FUCKIN HOUSE AND ALMOST BROKE THE FLATSCREEN!!!! come home so we can talk its not what you think please!!!!

me: DON'T YOU FCKN EVER CALL ME AGAIN YOU LYING FCKN PIG I HATE YOU

him: BABY I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING YOUR KILLING ME PLESE PICK UP THE PHONE

me: FUCKCKC UCKCUCCUCUFUCKC UUUUUUUU!!!!!!

him: godI am so sorry babe pleaes please pick up
no reply
him: you are all i ever want it was just a mistake and i was n't even thinking I just gave in because she came on to me. there i sait it
no reply

him: BABY IAM SOS ORRY PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN to yhou that this meant NOTHITNG TO ME and I will explain it all to you just come home

me: SO how did you and your friend meet?
him: don't do this over text pick up the phone please
no reply

1 hour later

me: YOU DISRESPECTED OUR HOME AND BROUGHT SOME WHORE HOME AN DYO HAD YOUR FACE IN HER PUSSY IN OUR HOUSE!!!!!
RIPPING MY HEART OUT IN THE PROCESS was it worth it?

him: IT'S GOING TO BE OK BABY CUS YOU KNOW I FUCKING LVOE YOU AND THERE IS NOTHING I WON'T DO TO FIX THIS ok baby I will give you time but you know I wanted that for along time and I just gave him I can only be honest with youbabe and that's all I can do

**********
I cut all communication for 1 week straight and didn't respond to any attempts at all. He sent flowers 3 days of the week, left hallmark cards on my car, dropped of baskets of choc hearts on my door step the next week. He tried to turn on the romance texting me all the time, I ignored him. Then started showing up at work and I sent him this email.

Dear_________

I have heard you and I understand that you are sorry. But your apology does not mean that I am ready to come home or deal with you face to face right now. I am sorry you are having a hard time with my decision to leave the house but I need this time for myself to sort out my own feelings and what I am going to do now.

We have had good times and I fell inlove with you but I thought we were headed into a better direction than this in our life journey together and apparently you felt infedility was part of that, but those choice and behavior do not match what I want for my life. Whatever your reasons to give in to your temptation as you call it, I am not comfortable with your choice to step outside of our relationship to satisfy that curiousity and disrespect our home and me. I guess I should thank you for doing it on the sofa. (which you can keep btw)

You always treat me like what you want is paramount in this relationship and your emails reflect that alot. I have also realized had I not come home that day and never saw you I would most likely of never found out. You planned to lie and hide it from me I know that in my bones.

I am staying with my sister indefinately. You are not welcome to stop in at anytime or call thier home or their cell phones - for any reason. Stay away from their house. Brian has had it with your antics before and he has little patience with news of current events. I would appreciate it if you respect thier home because Brian will not be as nice to you as I have been especially if you push this.

You have said over and again I was being cold to you, I will remind you that I don't owe you anything right now. If you are so lonely maybe you can find another friend you can call that will satisfy both your curiosity and needs. I will be handling my own now.

You have totally broken my heart. I am struggling right now, and this is no pic nic for me.

************I just wanted to share these exchanges.
Is there any reason that I should try to work this out?

I cry myself to sleep. I have find a new place. My life is changed from this and now I find out he may have an actual disorder. I would think it would make this easier but it doesn't at all. I just want my life back you know?! ;(