I am not posting this as part of the pity party I had for myself tonight.
When I re-read my posts I am angry at myself. One, because I spiraled out of control here, when I should be able to control my triggers at this point. Two, because I was with exN for a short time, few months only. And I come here and get support from people who have been with N for years. Three, because I am disrespecting my H and kids by even thinking of exN. Actually, that should,be my first thing I am angry at myself for. What if my H, who, so what if he can be an N ( I certainly am at times too), was ruminating over another woman? Who the hell do I think I am even thinking of and giving my energy and time to exN? My kids, H and myself deserve to be happy. I know my H had a feeling that I had affair last year. He will never say it to me. He really does love me, I can see that now. I am sooooo lucky. I dodged a bullet, I am not proud of what I did. There were reasons I have now been trying to face as to why I was so vulnerable to exN. My story is on here somewhere, but my H took a brief huatus from me and boys end of 2010. Not for another woman. He was depressed about unemployment, blah blah...long story. I didn't announce his to anyone. But exN knew, he read right through me.
But it's about time I engage more in my family, get off the IPad, invest in mine and my family's lives again, which exN will never never never take away from me.
Sorry for my immaturity tonight. And thanks for your unending support here. XX