In my awesome bubble, Narc Free

So, I started my new job. I'm working as a Patient Care Technician at a Dialysis clinic. I've been working 13-14 hour days, starting at 5am - 6pm or so... depending on the day. I'm exhausted, my feet and back are killing me, but I haven't felt this good in a long time. I finally found something that I am good at. Helping people in need. Some of my patients are at the beginning of kidney failure and some are at their end stage. These people are fighting for their lives. They are not giving up and they walk in with a smile, regardless of the cards that life has dealt them. They are fighters and they appreciate what we do for them and it feels good to be appreciated and acknowledged. Most of these people will have to continue dialysis treatment for the rest of their lives. Some will live long, but limited lives. Some are at the end of their days, but they are making the most of it. I'm not only their nurse, but I also get to hear stories of full and great lives. They are ok with dying, because they lived their life to the fullest. I only hope that at the end of my life, I will have great stories to tell.

This job could not have come at a better time for me. I realize that I am a compassionate, caring, person. I love helping people and making them happy and enjoy the smiles that I can put on their faces. The Narc took advantage of my good nature, my desire to help and care for those in need. Elderly, terminal patients, who hold their head high and walk their way to their dialyser chair that they will sit at for 2 - 3 hours, 3 times per week. They do not whine and look for pity; most even refuse help walking to their chair. What is most disturbing to me is, he is a 28 year old man, fully capable of taking care of himself, but he expects everybody else to do it for him. He says, "please and thank you" all the time. But what I realize is, he is not appreciative, he just has good manners. He's lazy and his life is meaningless. He's a bunch of broken promises and always has an excuse why he can't do something. His legs hurt, he's tired, he's depressed, I just expected too much from one man.

It's sickening that a fully capable person could be so selfish and lazy. I wish he could spend just 1 day with my patients. Then he would see what it's really like to be achy and tired. But, I know he would never do it. He would have to admit he's just a lazy piece of shit and doesn't appreciate his health, or face up to the fact that he's waisting his life away.

I thank God for this opportunity to work with my patients. They gave me a new perspective in life. It's important to do good, to be strong, to be a fighter, and when it's my time to go, I will leave this Earth knowing I did something good. And the Narc, he will be the last thing on my mind.

NC is very important to get over the Narc. Self respect is number one. Keeping busy with something that makes you feel powerful and appreciated and loved... That is key...

I'm working on me. He is no longer my problem and I can't fix him. OW can keep him. I'm in my awesome bubble and he's not welcome in it anymore. I'm too busy enjoying my life and trying to help people who deserve it and appreciate it.

Prayers for my patients and all of my friends here on TPF. We are all fighters and we are winners.

P.S. Sorry if this is all over the place... Had a bottle of Moscoto (try it it's bomb!) and a sleeping pill that's just kicking in.

Good luck to all of us in our new Journey to happiness and a Narc Free Life xoxoxxo

Still tired, but no longer sick. xoxoxo