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My best friends think I'm crazy

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#1 Feb 7 - 9PM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

My best friends think I'm crazy

I was wondering about how your best friends reacted or react to the daily drama from your N? I'm having a very hard time understanding why they don't seem to SEE what kind of hell I'm living in every day.

I've been away from my N for about a month and in usual N form he has tortured me endlessly. He even went so far as to cut my tire at work about 2 weeks ago. I think I've done pretty good with all of his crap except when her turns the heat up on the torment. After he cut my tire I was a nervous wreck and worried endlessly about what he had planned for me next. I have moments that feel like I'm going crazy with rage and worry. I feel like I'm on the edge of some kind of breakdown some days and have to fight to regain control. I don't cry a lot but some days I think about all that has happened and it really gets to me. I get so sad and depressed. I want to pick up the phone and call my friends and vent or cry but I don't. They don't want to hear it. I'm not talking to him anymore so I'm not instigating it. I know this has been a long 3 years for them dealing with him just like I have but I don't understand why they can't see that I NEED THEM? Can't they see I am scared? I just need to talk it out and hear my "sisters" tell me it's OK.

Dealing with a N damages every aspect of your life.....even your friends. He beat me down and abused me and they watched and they don't want to deal with it anymore. Every day is a struggle and a fight just to get out of the bed and function like a normal person. I know they can't possibly understand what kind of HELL it is dealing with these damaged and crazy people but they could have enough compassion for me to say "you ok today?" I can't imagine not being there for them???

Reading this I think..........God you sound just like HIM! Whining and bitching because it's not all about ME ME ME! It's really not like that. I don't want the world to revolve around me. I just want my friends to understand. That's all. Some days I need a life jacket. Can someone please help me and tell me how I can make them understand? I'm afraid of him. I need them.

Feb 8 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Sara

Hello, I agree, Your friends dont understand, how could they? Honestly, look at it from their side. They are probaly sick of hearing about it. One of my BFF was Narced, I guess that's lucky for me and unlucky for her. She did understand and she was in tune to my situation before I was. Just talk to us. Have fun with your friends. Stay NC you will be ok Idealk
Feb 8 - 12AM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Most of us here on this site

Most of us here on this site do NOT have friends who understand. I don't think I've seen anyone post "My BFF understands SO WELL." It's much more what you wrote, and the pain of having your good friends run from you when you need them most. It's really not that they aren't good friends. It's that unless they have a relationship with a Narc, they cannot possibly understand. It is a very isolating experience :( I haven't had an IRL friend who "gets it" unless I met them on a forum like this :) Forgive them and be grateful they DON'T understand lol. And come here any time and vent and ask questions, you can't do it too often or too much :)
Feb 7 - 10PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

You cant bring them into

You cant bring them into your world Sara. They do not understand. You have to live this nightmare to have a concept of what it is all about. They do not see what you know to be the truth. They see the mask of false truths and realities. You cant make them see this or understand it. Your best not to try as hard as this is for you. This is why we tell everyone to stay close to the sites. You need the support of those who have walked in your shoes. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Feb 7 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

I know you are right Betty

I know you are right Betty and I appreciate your answer. If I don't understand what is going on after living it day in and out for 3 years I guess I should see why they don't understand. Finding this site and a few more has been a life saver. I thought I was insane, blamed myself and kept going back to him over and over until I found these kinds of sites. I'm so thankful for them. It has freed me from my life of hell. I'm going to learn to let it go and let my friends have some much needed peace. When I feel like I'm sinking I will log on and get the comfort and advice I need from people who understand what is going on. Thanks again Betty!
Feb 8 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
Journey
Journey's picture

Sara-smile

Yes, giving your friends space from it is good. It isn't that they don't care, but I know my friends worry about me and feel powerless to help when I'm in the thick of the pain because they just can't understand my reality. I need to give them space to allow them to come forward again when they are ready. It is hard on our friends because even just listening can take an emotion toll on them, we just don't see it because we are caught up in our own pain and they want to be supportive. WE here on this forum do understand what it is like to recover from these toxic relationships, so try to bring your pain to us most often to work through it. You might also want to talk to a counselor who 'gets it'. Cutting your tires is pretty serious. Have you looked into legal protection? I don't know your situation and haven't had to do that myself, but there are many others here who have had restraining orders issues for their ex's. Journey on...

Journey on...