My Friend's Sister

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 12 - 7PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My Friend's Sister

You know how we discuss whether we should tell the "new" gal in his life about him? Most have indicated, we would be labeled crazy or she wouldn't believe it.

Well, along those lines and it taught me something, I had an interesting chat with my girl friend yesterday who was telling me about her sister's new BF of 2 months. It seems he is the best thing since sliced bread. Part of her family have met him and think he's great. He has values and does really nice things for the sister. Alarm bells were going off while I was listening. Now I don't know the guy at all so he may be just what was being described. So, I decided to ask a couple of questions - how long has he been divorced? Long time. How many RLs has he had? Don't know. Several of his children (girls) are not close to or have issues with him. This I do know - sister has been married twice and second one was a bugger. And some of her BFs have been stinkers also. She's in her late 60's. All this to say, I decided to mention it might be wise to keep an eye on him as I had been there. My girl friend knows how mine ended. However, she doesn't know about Ns. I sensed very quickly that my ideas/thoughts were being dismissed and noted some defensiveness. It's interesting to me how someone not even close to the situation will discount your opinion/experience. Just think what the OW would do!! BTW, I'd bet money he's an N. Those alarm bells have gotten quite accurate lately. However, will not go there with her in future conversations. Just - yes, no, that's nice, or Oh No!! Best to keep my mouth shut on that subject:)

May 15 - 3PM
Steph
Steph's picture

It's tough to find the

It's tough to find the balance of when we SHOULD speak up and when we should , well shut the F up lol I hear ya. One friend ASKED for my opinion so I told her that her new guy was questionable.....he never had a relationship longer than 6 months....was engaged and living with the last one in only 4 months, then he dumped her etc. Her response to my concern " He is SO nice though and I think you are just on High alert cuz of what happened to you". ok. whatever. It worked out fine. She took my concerns and eventually dumped him. Another friend though, who DIDN'T ask for my opinion.....I spoke up and told her that her fiancee was "abusive". Big mistake there. We are no longer friends. It's hard. For me, I will always say what I feel...but ONLY when asked! Thanks for your post:) We've all been there with friends, for sure. xoxo
May 15 - 2PM
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

I agree I think he sounds

I agree I think he sounds typical too . Its funny you mention this. I'm in retail and there is this guy who use to frequent my job alot. I know in the past he use to come in there with his gf and she was pregnant. Well after she had the child he would always come alone. Now get this, I saw him pull up in his truck with his child and he was on the phone. Someone else who isn't the child's mother pulls up too and they are together as if they're a family lol smh. When they leave both of them leave in two totally different cars. I've encountered this guy before and I definitely think he is narc. He is goodlooking , he knows it, works out , and one minute he is nice the next he is coming down your throat. I notice when dealing with him he makes me feel unbalanced and he isn't even my bf or husband. So imagine what his gf goes thru then he is messing around too. a total narc.
May 15 - 9AM
OnlyChild49 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

May Update!!

Girl friend's sister and BF came to visit her family. He has been approved. The elderly Mom is impressed with him and my girl friend thinks he's nice and is "considerate" especially of the sister. And he now wants to marry the sister. I wanted to say No, No, No!! It's only been 4 months at the most. He's had one RL since his "long ago" divorce, then didn't date or so he says. He was a trucker. I'm posting this so I can look back and validate my intuition and if I'm wrong, rework it. It's frustrating to know about N's, but have my knowledge/experience ignored because I could list his N traits just from what I've been told. Sorry to vent - I hate to see someone else go thru this stuff:(.
May 15 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OnlyChild

Well he may very well be a great catch - but being "jaded" and "in recovery" I'd have to say I've seen a lot of "Everyone adored him" and "He rushed through to marriage"... That's about all I can offer... Hugs!
Apr 12 - 8PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Onlychild...

I commend you on your narcdar skills and want to say that it is unfortunate your friend is operating blindly not knowing the answers to those questions...and it was questions like those that WE didn't ask that landed most of us here...those questions and observatons and a ton more questions before we decided to turn our hearts, bodys, minds and souls over to these monsters. Thank you for sharing your observations and keep on fine tuning the narcdar. If we do this right, I'm pretty confident we won't have anymore "repeat performances" Hugs!
Apr 12 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
OnlyChild49 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Narcdar Skills

So that's what you call them?? I worry mine aren't strong enough yet and I don't want to go thru what I did just for more practice:) I've always (and I can say that honestly) had trouble trusting my own feelings or intution. It started in childhold. I'm feeling more confident trusting them, but it's not a completed project!! My therapist tells me I'm accurate the majority of the time - I just don't believe it!! Thanks for your encouragement!!
Apr 12 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Onlychild

I believe the creator gave us the gift of intuition. I believe he gave all of us that gift...actually intuition in the early ages was just as much a survivial skill. I think that it is strongest when we are children but that parenting and other systems of development interefere and we end up with so many other messages. As babies, we know no fear...we LEARN fear from messages... AS young children we have a lot of confidence...in fact children are little narcissists - it is a normal stage of development that of course needs to be curbed and tamed to get it to a "healthy" non destructive to others level... I think the same thing goes for intuition...the doubts we've learned from the messages we've received train us to dismiss thoughts sometimes... I think as women we should trust our intution more. I bet if we took a poll and asked every WOMAN on here...how did you first know your partner was cheating, 95 percent or better would respond..."I had a feeling" and more than that, how many of us have said: He said such and such but I dismissed it - yes, it was that little voice our intuition warning us that we dismissed... This might seem a little looney to you and you can certainly dismiss it...I am dabbling in Theosophy which is a little of everything. This kinda explains what kinda helped me along...in terms of trying to see the big picture in all of this...I'm nowhere near evolved but I'm trying to master it...if not now, maybe next life...LOL I hope I don't have too many do overs left to go... http://www.kriyayoga.com/english/on_your_wings/intuition.htm