my hN told me he wants me to find a boyfriend only because he wants me to be happy is he trying to tell me hes happy where he is

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Sep 23 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
Janet
Janet's picture

Jaycee, Lots of good posts

Jaycee, Lots of good posts above. The truth is, and I KNOW how much this part hurts, it is not about you for him. His pathology wants someone who thinks he is perfect right and he can act like that guy for a while. This is your time to gather all of your strength and go NC. You need the no contact to start getting your head around the fact that you were enmeshed with a very sick person. It takes a long time. It hurts. But going through it is a path to a stronger, happier you. YOU are worthy of a loving relationship. He will of course continue on his sick path of using people. Happy? Is a heroin addict happy when he has bought his new supply? That is what any person is to him. A new rush, a chance (in his disordered mind) to reinvent himself and be "good" this time. It doesn't happen. He is not seeking therapy, he is not alone with himself looking for answers. Time for you to walk away and not look back. We will be here for you, in what will be some really confusing dark times. But, freedom is on the other side of the pain. Peace. J

Peace. J

Sep 23 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
no more
no more's picture

I have read these posts

My N left 2 months ago again for the Same OW he has left me for before. Why does he keep hopping between the 2 of us? This is 3 times now for both of us. I guess she is just as stupid as I was. She is quite welcome to have him. Do you think he will stay with her this time. I am crushed to think he is happy with her again. I can't believe she would go back to him after all the nasty things he has told me about her. But i can well imagine he is telling her the same bullshit about me now. Please tell me he will not do this again to me. I cannot take another round of heartbreak. I am NC since July 10 but I also have not left my house since then,,,I feel as if I am paralyzed and comatose. I read this site daily and it sure helps a lot to get everyone elses perpesctive of these SATANS,,,which what I am becoming to think that is who they are. They sure as hell aren't normal. I at least have feelings,compassion and empathy for others.

I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.

Sep 23 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
MovinOnUp
MovinOnUp's picture

no more

Stay NC and don't give him a chance to do it again. Give yourself some time. The wounds are still fresh. But everytime you let him come back the wounds will only get deeper. He's bouncing back and forth because both of you are allowing him too. You'll never trust this guy again without some very powerful rose colored glasses and no one should live that way. Three strikes and your out works well in baseball... Do whatever you can to start getting the focus back on yourself. I'm sorry you're hurting so badly, but there's no way to bypass the pain on this journey to healthy.