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Narc is being nice and I'm still ignoring--fun!

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#1 Feb 10 - 8PM
narcissizednomore
narcissizednomore's picture

Narc is being nice and I'm still ignoring--fun!

Much as I'd like him to completely go away, he is still friends with my hubby. I have not revealed too much to my husband as I won't risk my marriage over my mistakes I made with thinking the N was real. I'm at 18 months N/C with one face to face final contact where I told him directly to never contact me again. That was about 10 months ago.

I don't answer the phone when he calls and have stopped passing on messages to my husband now too. Now the N is contacting my hubby at work as he probably realizes he can't get through by calling our house. He gave my husband tickets to a local hockey game last night only because he didn't want them not because he was being generous (incapable of being that) and I see it as just another little game. Dangle a carrot and make me think of him in a good way. He's done this type of hovering several times over the last year and a half. He's probably expecting an email thank you or something or just wanting to tug at my guilt strings. I won't do it.

The way I see it, if he gave me a million dollars, I still wouldn't have anything to do with him.

I love N/C!! I hope he continues to be kind and make all the effort to restore our relationship but sadly for him, it won't get him anywhere closer to me. I say, GAME ON!!!

Feb 11 - 3PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Narcs are NEVER nice. Unless

Narcs are NEVER nice. Unless you think a lion lying low on the ground watching a herd of water buffalo going by is just being "nice" :D After what he did to you and god help us, to his so-called friend (your husband), anything he does to keep up any contact with either of you is the equivalent of him slavering for the next BITE.
Feb 10 - 8PM
MOORE
MOORE's picture

Aren't you ever worried or

Aren't you ever worried or concerned he may tell your husband what happened? As narc.s are never emotionally attached to anyone in the way we know it, I would presume your husband is just a means to an end for him - does that ever concern you? Also, you obviously care and love your husband, don't you want to protect him from this man, who is allegedly behaving as though he is a close guy friend, when you know exactly what he truly is? I remember years ago, a very good friend of my husbands (or so he thought), was always flirting and hitting on me - in the end, I told my husband that if he was a true friend he would know that this is totally inappropriate - I am not judging by the way, I just know that narc.s love misery, and I would hate him to distroy your relationship with your husband, when you are doing everything right to rebuilt it.
Feb 10 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
narcissizednomore
narcissizednomore's picture

To Moore...N's live in fear

so I have that on my side and the fact he is married also and would be shooting himself in the foot if he disclosed anything. I think he enjoys using my husband for guy things and it's a way for him to hover near me. I know he is scared shitless of pushing my personal boundaries because he has not come over since I told him to stop contacting me and to not come over when my hubby isn't home. If he came over, I would go upstairs while they visited. I've told him a few times, I would not interfere with their friendship (when I wanted to end our relationship) but in hindsight this is probably wrong too. Man, it's so difficult to deal with disordered people. I have only told my hubby that I think the N is an abuser and a disordered person. My husband will not be manipulated by anyone and obviously won't be sexually abused so I don't have to worry about that. You're right though, it leaves me with a moral obligation to tell my husband if I think someone has been harmful to me and we should, together, not have anything to do with him. I just want peace and freedom and don't want this whole thing to blow up. It's not worth losing my marriage over. As long as the N continues to pretend he is a nice guy, I can live with it. The minute he reveals the dark side and does something against my wishes, I will get the cops involved and get them to explain to him what NC means. Thanks for your concern and response. Believe me, this is something I struggle with every day. It makes getting him out of my head very difficult. They have contact every couple of weeks. Not much and simple, shallow guy stuff really.

narcissizednomore