Narc "Friend" - I've finally had it

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#1 Nov 27 - 6AM
Alisa
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Narc "Friend" - I've finally had it

I am writing here because I need to get some thoughts off my chest.
I have had this friend for several years and have now finally reached the conclusion that she must be a Narc or at least exhibit some narcissistic tendencies. Also I feel I am finally ready to put an end to this friendship and - if necessary - go fully NC.

I met her almost 10 years ago - she was - and still is - a coworker (luckily not someone I have to work with closely but I do see her almost daily). I was incredibly fascinated by her in the beginning (I even had a major crush on her although I generally have relationships with guys.) and actively pursued a friendship with her. I don't want to go into too many details but I think it is important that in the beginning of our friendship I was willing to give a lot because of my fascination with her and also willing to put myself in the background. The friendship got really intense after a while and it seemed mutual at that point. But even then there were already occasions when I noticed that she was putting herself first and her needs before mine.

When my initial "crush" had faded and I was finally ready for a "normal" friendship (I never told her I had a crush on her and I am really glad I didn't) things went really well for a while but then I started seeing that she was pretty selfish. Like, when we had to decide what to do on a Saturday afternoon, she'd hardly ever agree to do what I suggested and would sometimes make me feel guilty if I insisted on wanting to do what I had suggested ("Is it more important to go to that art exhibit or to see me?" - that sort of thing)
Also I was going through a major breakup with my BF at the time and when I called her to tell her how miserable I was she never asked if she should come over but told me I could drive to her place or she once told me she was busy because she was spending the evening with her husband (something they did every evening)
At the same time she'd call me when she had problems with her computer or needed my help.
There are numerous other examples of things she did, it would take too long to list them all.

After a while her behavior really started bothering me and I felt she was not a real friend, so I stopped calling her and things cooled off. We hardly had much contact for a while and I can't say I missed her. I never told her though why I stopped calling and she never asked.

About two years ago for some reason we started talking again - I don't even remember how and why. In any case she and her husband went through a major crisis soon after and she asked me for help and support. I let her stay at my place for a few nights - something I would have done for almost anybody - and let her pour out her heart to me.

What was odd though is that it felt "off" for me and I felt conflicted mostly because I could not feel any empathy for her anymore. I guess I had emotionally detached myself from her years before. So while I would listen to her heartache I could not let her come close to me again. Eventually though. I started telling her about my problems as well but it was not how it used to be.
This phase went on for almost 1.5 years, in which there were many more occasions in which I felt she was selfish and not a true friend.

Finally I wrote her an email about a month ago telling her all I thought to which she replied with an email full of accusations and turning certain situations against me. (this came not unexpected to me - I did this more to get things off my chest, I did not actually think it would make our friendship work better, but one can always hope, right?)

Last week she did something at work which really pissed me off (selfish again) and so I got mad at her and she flipped out on me and accused me of not being understanding.

I've had it. I honestly don't care about her relationship drama anymore or her need for attention. It sucks losing her as someone to hang out with because most of my friends are married or have kids but I have realized that I'd rather be alone than spend time with her.

I think NC would probably be best, my only two issues are: 1) how do I deal with her at work when/if she talks to me and 2) I need to resist the impulse of calling her/answering her calls.
2 I think I can handle with enough willpower but I am afraid of possible drama.

Ugh. I hate this but it's time