The Narc Mixed Message

Here's a good one : "I love you, but I don't trust myself"

Xnh sent me an email after the final D&D that said: I have done a lot of thinking and I can NOT tell you I don't love you.." I'm not sure it would be possible for xnh to use more "double negatives" in one sentence. To this day, I don't know what he was saying. lol. If mixed messages were an art form, narcs would be masters in the medium. Word salad is definitely their forte.

Holy crap yes, all sorts of mixed messages, crazy making, like Hunter says... Scrambled Eggs!!

"there is a possibility of true soul recognition between us" "you are making me doubt you" "my ex-girlfriend was the one who turned heads. you are not like her, you are smart."

ME i am discusing something with him,as most normal couples do, trying to explain my perspective, HIM, all i want is peace and quite, ME, that is all i want too...............DUH......

I remember the first time he nearly knocked my socks off... Everything was perfect (early stage)...about two months in our relationship he makes a comment one night when I was about to leave a community class he was teaching... "I love you honey, wish you would take better care of yourself"... I was instantly confused...it just came out of nowhere. I commented back...well I guess if I had health insurance I could go to the Doctor, but I'm eating healthy and exercising 5 times a week. I feel like I am taking care of myself dear but thanks for the concern. He replies...no, you should wear more makeup and dress better when coming to my meetings...then he snickers as if it's a joke. Totally out of his character (or the person I thought he was). Of course he calls and says, "I'm sorry if you let your feelings get hurt." "I'll just shut-up and let you dress like you want to from now on"...trying to get me to feel like it's all my fault that my feelings were hurt and I had no right to be upset. A**hole. This was a minor red flag I ignored...they kept popping up all the time after. Guess I just couldn't comprehend how someone could be so uncaring in what they say to others. Guess what...if you are a Narc you CAN be so very uncaring!

Oh yes, what about this one: N: "all I feel for you, is lust." A few minutes later - when he's leaving -: "I love you" ??????????

The mixed messages will drive one crazy. Mine would go through a litany of how unhappy he was with with me: Starved for affection, communication, contact, blah, blah, blah. I was crazy & stupid. He wanted a divorce every month. When I said, fine, ok. NO! NO! NO! You make me happier than any woman has in my life. Or, the zinger that finished it for me: "I was never sexually or emotionally connected to you. I married you because I thought my love would transform you as [ex-girlfriend's name] love transformed me." Now, ladies, how can a person love when they they feel no sexual or emotional connection? Duh! When I told him that he'd have to explain this -- he went BALLISTIC!!! Threw himself on the floor in a tantrum. But he never ever backed off the formulation. Insanity. The man was/is insane. And he's a tenured university professor. They say Hitler threw himself on the floor & threw tantrums when the war started going badly. But these people go in public & everybody thinks they are the cat's meow. Unbelievable. It's brainwashing. I don't know how I lasted so long -- 2 1/2 years. Ugh!!

It's all " Scrambled Eggs" Hunter