The Narc says everyone is crazy or nuts

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#1 Nov 30 - 9AM
StillHurting
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The Narc says everyone is crazy or nuts

Have you experienced this? When I hear upsetting things from other people, and then I bring it up to him in hopes of seeing what the truth is, he always says "Oh, he's crazy. "She's a nut case. That guy is a liar."

It makes me wonder what he will say about me when I go. I am sure he will tell people that he cut off ties with me because I was crazy and in love with him and wanted him to leave his wife. He was the one that professed this undying love to me, and said in the future he would be with me. He is the one who was in constant touch with me, and we called each other 50 times a day. I have the notes, I have the phone message tapes, I have the gifts, I have the memories.

So, no, I am not the crazy one, I am just someone who is romantic and believes in love. I know people are in bad marriages and stay for their kids and whatever. I have a belief that you can meet someone and bond with them and it can be real.

So, yes, I am sure he will say stuff about me to these people when I go, but I don't even know them so I don't care.

ARGH! I am getting so sick of all this drama!

Nov 30 - 11PM
Briseis
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Narcs have to believe

Narcs have to believe everyone else is crazy, or stupid because their own behavior is so out of line. Narcs can't tolerate their own self image unless they are perfection itself. Perfectly strong, smart, talented, perfectly worshippable. So of COURSE when they dump you (or you dump them) it can't POSSIBLY be because of something they did wrong (Narcs can do no wrong in their own eyes). Do they believe it? I know they'd never admit in a million years they DO make mistakes, but I think deep down inside they live in constant terror of being "found out". So they compensate by bragging and especially by the smear campaign against their ex's. Anybody who pulls a Narc's covers will be at the other end of a smear campaign. They do what they do to deflect blame from themselves. If he tells lies and exagerations about YOU, people won't focus on him. Most people know better that to believe this nonsense at face value. Maybe very young people, or people who don't know you at all. You have to trust the people who DO know you to know better. Don't stoop to his level and engage in a smear campaign about him (except of course, we welcome that here :D ). The truth is, he is USING you. He gives you nothing but perhaps attention and flattery, but can't even be seen with you. He gets all the goodies and you get nothing. Anyone with a brain will think HE is the jerkoff for screwing around on his wife, who cares what kind of person you were.
Dec 1 - 8AM (Reply to #17)
StillHurting
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I agree with you....

The fact is the person said some shocking things about Narc, and then I was forced to call and ask him outright if these things were true or not, and if they are, these are things I should know. Instead of getting really pissed of the guy telling me this stuff, he was just like, "That guy is nuts, and I won't be associating with him in the future." Even though it caused me a whole day of grief and crying, do you think he could have called the guy and said, "You upset my friend by telling her these things, and by the way, stop telling lies about me." It seemed odd to me he did not want to confront the "lie teller" and get to the bottom of it. But if I ask him a question he will scream at me, at the most vanilla and innocent inquiry. This sounded suspicious to me. I would have been irate if someone I know told a stranger dead out lies about me. All of these emotional upsets, it's a wonder I haven't dropped dead by now in dealing with all this roller coaster crap. Thank God I see the end in sight. I don't even answer the phone calls anymore half the time, and never initiate them anymore. GOOD GRIEF!
Nov 30 - 11PM
smokabear
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I asked this question a few

I asked this question a few minutes ago, I just left and was planning on leaving within a few days I could feel it my gut to get ready to leave fast,he is telling everybody that I am the crazy one and when I busted him on things yeras ago the people who ratted him out were crazy everybody was crazy right now he is telling people I am the crazy king in the bible and have all these mental disorders and Im unstable when he is the one with mental disorders and not taking medication I hate it because he wrote everything down in 2 emails about how I am unstable and he prays for me and prays for deliverence etc when it is him that has shez and bipolar and hears voices and they tell him to do bad things
Dec 1 - 4AM (Reply to #9)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Smokabear,

Oh good, this answer from Briseis was perfect for you! I was reading your post about leaving, and while I was thinking of a response for you I kept reading. This note from Briseis was the next thing I read, and I thought, "This is the answer for Smokabear!" She said it much better than I can, but yes, he will smear your name all over town so it looks like he was right and you were wrong. It also helps him get people feeling sorry for him for having to deal with such a "sick woman". Hang in there, you know the truth, and it always comes out in the end. Just keep your side of the street clean and don't stoop to his level. Everyone will find out the truth eventually.
Dec 1 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
Susan32
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Sometimes they know the truth all along...

When I exposed the ex-Psych professor my freshman year, it was basically a 4 year hoovering/smear campaign (with the honeymoon/idealization sophomore year interlude) During the D&D, the ex-P claimed I was making sexual advances on him (he was complaining about it to his students, tho I said nothing sexual)... yet I was never called to the Dean's Office. It's like he knew if he accused me, he'd be the one being laughed out of the room. Somehow, despite the 4 year smear campaign- I got good grades. I got along with my professors. They WANTED me to get away from him. I graduated. If you give a man a rope, he can hang himself on it....
Dec 2 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
StillHurting
StillHurting's picture

I see it as a pattern.....

Everybody he knows has something wrong with them, and when I leave I know he will say: She had mental issues She thought I was in love with her or something She thought I was going to leave my wife with her She was after me for years These are some things he will say without telling all the things he said and did to make someone think these things.
Dec 2 - 8PM (Reply to #15)
blueeyes
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Yup

I was Bi-Polar when I left him. He said that your so up and down, please get checked. Yes, sir!
Dec 2 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

It IS definitely a pattern

I resonate with the "she thought I was in love with her or something." Yeah, the ex-Psych professor certainly put on that act. Until I FINALLY revealed yes, I was in love with him- and he moved his seminar class from classroom to classroom. Like he was scared of me... a mere STUDENT. I was the powerless one, NOT him. He was the authority figure. As Briseis would say "He's SKEERED." Didn't help that he and I had gone to concerts, talked on the phone--and my classmates assumed he and I were sexually intimate (we never were) Suddenly he was telling me to keep my distance- and right after a pastor friend of mine died (yes, I told the ex-P about that and he gave me some cold consolation)- he revealed his long-distance girlfriend from LA, flaunting her at a concert (but not engaging in public displays of affection, you would've thought they were fraternal twins) He said I didn't appreciate his masks, and once I had him cornered, he admitted that it was ALL AN ACT. Yikes, if the ex-P ends up on the receiving end of gaslighting, and he ends up with his emotions toyed with... I would feel NO PITY AT ALL. Briseis said it's inhuman to play with someone's feelings... but when we're talking about predatory people, nobody really feels that bad for them. When a sexually abusive priest got beaten up by a man he had molested as a child... the priest got ZERO sympathy. It's like if someone toyed with the ex-P's feelings for the sake of driving him nuts, I wouldn't feel empathetic. At all. I'd call it JUSTICE.
Dec 3 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
StillHurting
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Yes, we all know we will be talked about

At least in my case nobody really knows about me because he's been cheating on his wife for like 10 years. I am under cover. Believe me, for the few who know both of us, but not about the situation, he will definitely say some bad things. He will have to say crazy. What is he going to say, I was really mean to her and she didn't understand why and does not want to be in touch anymore? He won't say that. He already has a new supply in place, and she doesn't have anything on me. She is not intelligent enough to help him with all the things he needs help with every day. She is happily married, so I doubt they will have an affair. He has already said derogatory things about her appearance. That is what I mean. He is friends with the person and nice to her face, but he is saying negative things about her looks. Excuse me, but we can't all look as great as this bastard. And he doesn't look that great, by the way!
Dec 3 - 5PM (Reply to #14)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The pre-emptive strike

The ex-Psych professor REALLY REALLY wanted a rivalry between the OW and me... too bad I just wanted to hug her and she struck me as a long-lost twin sister (well, she was a decade older than me and only 5 years younger than him) But I headed it off at the pass. I was nice to the OW. So much so he fled from the auditorium in what was HIS obvious embarrassment. He wanted a smackdown, a girlfight... and I yanked the cards out of his hand. I sang the OW's praises to the ex-P the next day, and he was glaring, saying things like "it shouldn't matter to you that I already have a girlfriend." His response was shock. I joked, "What did you WANT my response to be? Some guys get turned on by women fighting over them. There's that mud wrestling pit up at the upper dorms." Oh... didn't help I told his colleagues in a calm, collected voice "Mr. T--- didn't tell me that he already had a girlfriend." I got the sympathetic silence, a sad look from a professor who had gone to grad school with him... and yes, the LAST WORD. If he had shown some competence, he could've ushered his girlfriend away from me, and quickly start introducing her to his colleagues, and dismiss me at once. He let me steal his show.
Nov 30 - 11AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Paranoia

The ex-Psych professor was paranoid about the mail he got at work (but not at home- maybe because people think it's less stalkerish to mail things to the office rather than the home?) When I was going through the normal grieving process for my grandfather (my grandmother's recent stroke has been quite triggering, she's been on hospice lately), he claimed I was crazy, sent me to a therapist saying I needed to "learn to manage my feelings" and bullied me to tears IN CLASS because I was mourning. He claimed how completely normal, sane, emotionally healthy he was. Then he'd make crazy conspiracies about me printing out his articles, selling them and mocking them. For someone who's crazy, I managed to get good grades (except in math) and be able to graduate (all of a student's previous professors have to agree that the student can graduate, he could've sabotaged that)... and go on to be a writer. Yet when I read "Wittgenstein, Tolstoy, and the Meaning of Life" online, he claimed I was "snooping" and crazy. He was the one who claimed to be a famous philosopher but had NOTHING to show for it... and still has NOTHING to show for it. If he wanted to be famous for being famous, he should've tried out "reality TV"... too bad he doesn't know what reality is.
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
StillHurting
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Maybe they say others are crazy because

If the person causes us to question them or bring up something that they might have lied to us about, then instead of coming clean or presenting a well established argument, it is easier just to say the person is crazy and does not know what they are talking about. You have to admit that if you don't know the person who told you the shocking news, it sort of shuts you right down when you are told they are crazy or nuts. You know nothing of the messenger of the news so you can't say, "Oh no, he's a good person, he would not tell me a lie about you." So we are forced to take the Narc's opinion about the other person because you don't know them. So if the person tells me something shocking about the Narc, I tell the Narc, and he tells me the guy is a crazy bastard, well I could say nothing else. But it sure filled my head with a lot of doubts about the Narc and if the things were true.
Nov 30 - 10AM
I don t get it ...
I don t get it I just don t's picture

The soon to be former wife

The soon to be former wife is an "idiot" all others are "boring",and me, I'm "obsessive". Of course that's what I'm told, I can only imagine what he says about me to others. All of you are way ahead of me, but I read (I can't recall where) that they (N's) hate themselves, and once they have us hooked they look down on us because we love them. And that makes no sense to them because they don't love themselves, so that makes us stupid, crazy, or whatever negative tag they place on us. Does that make sense?
Nov 30 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

i don;t get it

it makes total sense, they hate themselves, mine once said here we are two losers and one time even called himself names to himself, so how on earth could anyone ever love him as he hates himself and can not love anyone.Hsi brother said he thought he was right and everyone else was crazy and called him a psychology 101 textbook case, need any more confirmation???I know now i am being treated the same way the other 4 women in his life were treated by him,
Nov 30 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
StillHurting
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It makes sense all right....

The first wife was a fat ugly bitch, and he never even mentions her like she never existed. I mean, he spoke of her one time when I first met him, and that was it. Oh yes, and she was a coke addict, to. Forgot that one. This current one is annoying, and when I first met him he told me he could barely stand being in a room with her for very long. Also, she does not support anything that he does and there is no sexual activity, and if there is, it is very rare and not that good at all. Oh yeah, and she bullied him into having kids, and he felt "tricked." I think he admires me for all my great qualities, but in the same vein, he despised me because my being good at things made him feel his is inferior. Me, I just like to help people and share my knowledge. I don't think people are stupid because they don't know the computer very well or current events, etc. He is good at things I can not do. So I think there was sort of a competitive thing going on, like he needed my help but at the same time despised me because I could help. He also does that same thing with, "I am happy, all you do is dwell on the past. You're the one who said this or that...." The other thing is when I tell him he said something to me, he says "I don't know where you are getting that from, I never said that, and I have to go anyway. Now, you've upset me." Then slams the phone in my face. Then one hour later, talks normal like he didn't yell or hang up? NO THANK YOU I can take pity on someone and their mood swings and temper, but not to where it is destroying my grace.
Nov 30 - 10AM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

The narc saying everyone

The narc saying everyone else is crazy is his way of NOT having to look at himself or take responsibility for his own actions. It's pure projection. They can blame everything that doesn't go their way onto someone else with "Oh, he's crazy. "She's a nut case. That guy is a liar." In reality, it is the narc that is crazy, a nut case, and a liar. When xnh D&D'd, I told him that he needed serious therapy. He told me, "There's NOTHING wrong with me". IMO, I can see PLENTY wrong with xnh. lol. For years, he's told me that I'm crazy, stupid, lazy...whatever (pretty much fill in the blank). However, like you I know the truth. Whatever they say really doesn't matter. It's all a pile of fictional bullsh*t. Narcs love to "re-write history" to suit their own needs moment by moment, and whatever comes out of their mouth is not reality. It's merely what they think makes them look the best right at that minute. Narcs are endless wells of ever changing verbal diarrhea. They are NOT creatures of reality. I've referred to xnh as the "King Of Crap" for quite some time now, and to quote my sister, "Xnh has a rich and full fantasy life." :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Nov 30 - 10AM
gettinbetter
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yes

Mine says everyone is a piece of shit and I am sure I am no exception.