Narcissists Do NOT 'Make Love'

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#1 Apr 26 - 6PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Narcissists Do NOT 'Make Love'

To some degree, we suspect that narcissists view their sexual partners as objects that satisfy their needs for pleasure, status, and power. As you might imagine, this kind of attitude probably doesn’t bode well for long-term relationships. In fact, one thing we suspect, but have not tested, is that more frequent sexual activity might actually harm relationships involving narcissists.

Here’s why: Sex generally acts to bring partners closer together (both physically and psychologically). In other words, sex can be thought of as a mechanism for enhancing relationships, For narcissists, however, who view sex more in terms of personal gratification, sex might actually cause increased separation. Think of it like this. It’s hard to imagine that a marital therapist would suggest that a couple engage in more frequent isolated activities in the hopes that they will grow closer to one another. Certainly, this would instead lead to further separation. Likewise, if sex is essentially an isolated activity (albeit in the presence of another person), then one can imagine how more frequent sexual activity might actually cause relationship partners to feel more separated from each other.

Granted, we are taking the perspective of the narcissist in terms of our speculation. It’s certainly possible that the (less narcissistic) partners of narcissists grow more and more attached with each sexual act. This would be particularly cruel because while sex works to make one partner more attached, it pushes the other partner away. It’s possible that to some degree this might even account for findings from our labs showing that ex-romantic partners of narcissists report being particularly unsettled by their relationships. Again, we haven’t tested this idea directly, but it certainly seems like a logical possibility.

http://www.escapeabuse.com/?p=156

(the sexual/ bonding aspect of the relationship with a Narc is fully discussed in WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS)

Jun 11 - 1AM
Barbara (not verified)
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trapped

top post should answer your sex question ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 28 - 1PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

sex and the narcissist

My ex used to tell me that he loved having sex with his affair partner because she new how to just fuck, and with his wife, me, it always had to be about making love. He wanted me to just get dressed up like a "cunt" so he could just fuck me. I had to much respect to put myself in that role. I am also a sexual abuse survivor. The fact that he could say these things to me knowing my history always floored me. I guess a narcissists is a narcissist in and out of a bedroom
Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

narcissists & sex

I know I posted this before but it's so spot-on it bears repeating: http://www.chameleongroup.org.uk/npd/sex.html The sexual relationship with the narcissist is most peculiar. Narcissists are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. There does not exist intimacy and you will frequently feel used. The narcissist will demand that you subdue yourself. Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted. Narcissists have a strong tendency to sexually abuse a partner and children. Here is a list of just SOME of these POSSIBLE abusive behaviors: * You are prohibited from masturbating or feel good about your own body under the threat of punishment * You are being made to watch porn although you don't want to * You are not allowed any sexual gratification yourself * The narcissist pretends to be sexual for you but is after her/his gratification only * Your sexual past is being torn apart * You are being told that all you want is sex (although you know this is not the case, however sex is central to the narcissist) * The narcissist instigates sex (like telling you erotic things and sending you pictures or emails which are sexual) but then decides last minute that nothing is to take place or simply demands abusive sex * The narcissist abuses you while you are asleep (sleep rape) * You are being raped on a daily basis * You are feeling humiliated and yet the narcissist claims that (s)he has been humiliated * The narcissist finds it funny when you get hurt and enjoys it when you get hurt, this can be physically or emotionally * The narcissist instigates and turns everything into a sexual game * The narcissist demands prolonged sex way above the limit you can handle nor want to * The narcissist tells you that you want to have sexual relations with everybody although the narcissist has a strong tendency to flirt with others and to be infidel * You are being told off for the fact that you were flirting with someone although you are not flirting at all * The narcissist makes fun of your sexuality in front of others (e.g. you have a small penis, fat or small breasts) * The narcissist demands sex when you make it clear that you don't want to * The narcissist has to try out everything possible * The narcissist is an exhibitionist and will want sex in public and dresses inappropriately at home and or elsewhere or wants you to dress inappropriately There is another form of sexual abuse. In fact, so I believe, it is the most common one, and hence it took me so long to get it. This form of abuse comes in four stages: * Firstly, the victim will be forced to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator. * Secondly, the perpetrator will condition (brainwash) the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense. * Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship quickly & dramatically, so that the victim is in constant sexual need. * Fourthy, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim, who is (sexually) dependent on the perpetrator, can be humiliated, manipulated and used. Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl ~~~~~~~~~~ "We see then that sexuality is just another weapon to a psychopathic man. On the one hand, he prides himself for his sexual prowess as an energetic lover who gets off on watching his woman have orgasms; on the other hand, the psychopath is a selfish lover who degrades his partner sexually. He insists on acts that are damaging and painful and most importantly, all sex happens on his terms. There is not any real mutuality and sex is not an expression of love or affection in these relationships. Unfortunately, the level of intensity in which she is pursued starts the relationship out with an illusion of bonding. That bonding does not exist for him. "He will introduce her to deviant sexual practices she has never done before and tell her no one else will ever want her because of her participation in them. Or they will compare her to other sex partners in an attempt to coerce her into more unwanted sexual acts and so the cycle repeats itself. All this leaves her feeling inadequate and striving to please him sexually so she performs more sexual acts that she finds degrading, and he degrades her for doing them, and yet demands them." Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 15 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

narcissists & sex

a perennial hot-topic Read this whole thread! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Oct 24 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

narcs & sex

read whole thread ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Dec 31 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Narcissists Do Not "Make Love"

READ WHOLE THREAD ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website