NARCs : Can you spot the red flags?
NARCs : Can you spot the red flags?
Going back over how things started with the Narc I can see the red flags that I ignored. I had never known any Narc's before him, and I had never dated one. I had no idea the lenghts these people will go to secure a supply source!
Can you look over your relationship and see the signs now that were alerting you that something was very wrong?
I can see that I was in a place in my life that made me very vulnerable and I easily accepted what he told me. I had no reason to doubt him as no one had ever lied to me before in such a manner. I trusted what he told me. But I see now that he used some terms that are now red flags to me. He idealized our past relationship, termed me "perfect for him" and said that I was everything he wanted in a woman. Now, thinking on it, after 20 years of not speaking, how did he know who I was? We both based our impressions on each other on the past. Big mistake to over look this.
He demonized his ex. He played the 'poor me' part and said his ex cheated on him, that he hated her, all she wanted was money. Clearly, he was not over her or the hurt of cheating. But really, he was lying to me and still married. And prob the one doing the cheating! How did I know what he was telling me was the truth? how do anyone us know? Big mistake again to over look these comments.
He wanted to rush out and meet me, everything seemed to be on fast forward with him...he wanted my trust, my commitment and he wanted sex from me too quickly. Now thinking back on it, we only had good sex in the very beginning. After 5 days ED started to set it. Then I noticed he couldn't connect with me intimately, would avoid eye contact. I did not discuss the ED with him, as I had no idea what to do. Now though I see that I should of asked him about it. I thought something was wrong with me, that I didn't turn him on enough.
Another thing is that at the very 1st sign that I was not TOTALLY ENAMORED with him in every way, he began to withdraw, withhold sex and eventually D&D. As soon as I began to discover that he was actually a lying cheating phoney, he was already trying to turn it around, wanting to hurt me, wanting to punish me and make me feel bad. By the time he started his silent treatment I didn't realize it was all too late to repair. It seems the Narc likes to hurt others, seems they go out of their way just find out about what will really hurt someone but they never to do anything really thoughtful or kind once they have secured you.
He was also very paranoid. We went out with my friends and when I would speak with someone just one on one, he would watch intently, almost reading our lips. I wasn't the only one who noticed this. When someone bought us a round of drinks, he actually was ticked off and said " you didn't tell me you wanted a drink" No one asked me, I just accepted. It was like everything had to come from HIM.
Looking back now I can see alot of things that were alerting me that this man was not good for me. I was feeling the inital feelings of love and there was so much good to look forward to. I felt I was being picky and trying to find fault, here he was asking me to trust and love him, and he only wanted to use and hurt me.
Now (hopefully) if we can recognize these things and educate ourselves maybe, just maybe we can spot the next Narc and show him the door. Maybe we can spare ourselves this horrible pain.
I was starting to think your
the ED
momoya
I did not see the writing on the wall
Flags