Narcs & Dating (specifically money and PDA)

wanted booty call at the start - I said no, need proper dates and courting he took me on a few normal dates to nice medium priced restaurants but I did not realize he was broke except his big retirement Over time he shared he was broke almost no dates and sometimes I had to pay for dinners he cooked for me quite a bit though Very cheap - he has nice toys and expensive dog I never received one gift - ever in a decade I gave many nice gifts after about 5 years (I started to earn more over time) first few years I thought he was rich...I had no clue

Mine once told me that all he cared about was money. He was a millionaire and his goal was to become a billionaire. Now, I think he lost a lot due to the housing crash and he's scrambling. Business is slow. Last year, he asked me to sell my house and loan him the equity, LOL. Even millionaires will steal and con for money. All he would pay for was dinners...aside from that, he was a greedy, selfish asshole.

He bought me six gifts in three years of dating: one for Vhristmas and one for my birthday each year. Clearly, he only bought gifts because the date on the calendar demanded it, he didn't want to do it. He even said one time after his birthday that he had had something in mind as a gift for my birthday but seeing as how I only spent X dollars on his gift ( it was something he wanted plus a card plus a cake I made) that he was going to have to buy me something much, much cheaper instead. You know, since I had cheapes out on his gift. That made me feel terrible . I had tried to be thoughtful with the gift, but he was counting the dollar signs in his head and I hadn't measured up. Everything had to be tit for tat. We split dinner bills down the center. He had to make sure he didn't spend a dime more than I did. He counted it all. He called me collect from another country for several months while he visited there and asked to pay me back and I agreed. Never saw a dime. If the shoe had been on the other foot, he'd have thrown a fit. In a drive- thru, he asked me once if I wanted something. I misinterpreted it (or was gaslighted?) that he was going to pay. I ordered a small coke. When we got to the window, he turned and asked me for my money. I said I didn't have any with me, thst I thought he was paying. He sighed and rolled his eyes and paid but made me pay him back and reminded me several times the next day until I gave him the fucking dollar. Christ on a crutch! As far as PDA, he was hard to predict. If he thought I should use my mind reading skills and give him a kiss he wanted at a football game but didn't, he got mad. If I tried to hug him as he got in his car, he got mad and said the neighbors would see and he didn't want them to get the wrong idea. I couldn't win for losing.

EX was fun and spent a lot on food, entertainment, weekend get aways, and surprise gifts. He was thoughtful and great conversations he could make me laugh. The only thing he did that was off was that he NEVER wanted to look at the dinner bill or whatever bill it was. It was smack my hand away and would argue with me if I tried to pay. I never paid for anything out side the house. He also like to always drive ALWAYS wanted to drive. He would / could get bent out of shape when other guys would look at me and depending on how much he drank he could be rude/ loud or abrassive/aggressive that I was uncomfortable because I couldn't control them He always wanted to take pictures, we had many photos from dates we had etc.

Once mine took me out to a very expensive restaurant {I actually chose it, haha} It was a miserable date because he would never come right out and say it, but having to spend the money on me was probably excruciatingly painful for him. It just came out in other ways. When we got back to his house he quickly dismissed me I don't think he could stand being around me after having to pay for my meal. He really hates women so I'm sure it was driving him nuts inside. When we went out he wanted me to hang all over him. I'm not at all into PDA, but the first time we went out I was pretty drunk and was all over him and I guess that fed his ego. Most of the time; however, he would get all bugged out if I sat too close to him on the couch or tried to snuggle in bed. You could never tell. It always had to be his idea or by his initiation. Something he seemed to enjoy or be annoyed by could be the total opposite the following week. Who knows?

Narcissists are totally into money & getting your's no matter how rich or poor they are. getting what other's have is a primary motivating force. My N always wants a woman to live with him so as to share expenses. Two live cheaper than one. And that reduces his overhead by 50%. My N is well-employed. And highly manipulative. I did not realize that it was all about money when I first left him. Although i suspectd that he married me because he wanted to access my captial to buy a house above his financial means. but he loved bombed me. he saw us so happy there. Blah. Blah. I realized that he was a financial con-artist after I was contacted by the woman who replaced me the weekend I walked out on the marriage. Because of the crash, the N could not refinance the house with a bank -- so he tried to get her to buy in within 4 weeks of my leaving & 4 weeks of their new relationship. When she refused. He hoovered me. She told me the date his parents gave him the money & wired it to him. That was the day the hoover ended & he wrote: "You do not want to reconcile, so get the divorce ASAP. I need to recover. I am so devastated by your cruel abandonment." I had only left 6 weeks earlier. Then he tried to hoover me about two months later, after she moved into the house I still owned. (Never mentioned he had another woman living there.) Later I would learn from her that she had refused to buy appliances or help pay for the new kitchen which he wanted. So another attempt to hoover me that same week. He repeatedly indicated that he wanted a divorce ASAP. But he structured long waiting periods so as to raise the capital at a bank to buy out my share. I would learn from my replacement that he already had the money from his parents even before the divorce settlement was negotiated & signed. He did not sign the money over until the last possible minute. I guess he was earning interest. These men are so devious & manipulative. We have not even half a clue what they are up to. My N is so totally freaked out that me, my replacement & his first ex-wife are in contact. He is beside himself because he knows that we three have unmasked him. We know that he is a psychopath & a con-artist. As well as a highly respected & successful academic. A different mask for every situation. But it is impossible to understand these men in isolation. One must have many people in on comparing & contrasting the lies, manipulations, & manufactured mythologies. The first wife was with him 20 years but only learned after meeting me exactly how sociopathic he is. My N is very cheap. But sometimes he spends for others when he thinks it will get him something. Make others beholden to him. And you bet that guy took you to dives deliberately. Mine was very "contrary" too. Do the exact opposite of which you asked. It's a way of showing how you & what you want is of the least possible consequence to them. Devaluing you & you likes & your desires. And elevating their coarse & low-life tastes to exquisite culture. And they get you to applaude their tastes. And he got a kick out of humilating you & watching you hang in their with a grateful smile for that wonderful RV vacation he took you on. Because controlling & demeaning the victim & extracting her money (you subsidized his trip I bet) & destroying her self-worth is what these guys do. it is the modus operandi behind the facade they are projecting.

Hmmm.... I'm on the opposite end here. My narc went over bored schmoozing, he had sold his home in the height of housing market, he was fat with cash, in as I didn't know him well, I assumed his finances were in order, ie, tha his expenses were budget, savings was set, retirement, etc... I make significantly more than my narc, It was always a bone of contention, I'm very frugal, simply because I have the cash doesn't mean he gets to spend it. It's mine, I worked, I earned. After my narc blew through his house money, things got ugly. The narc felt simply because he breathed air, he was entitled to thousands per month, if he got thousands? He complained it should have been 10s of thousands. Nothing was enough, money doesn't make a narc happy, money simply stimulates the narc to want more! More, bigger better! Constant stimulation