Narcs have Zero Care factor for you so don't be fooled by them anymore

I remember the first&only time I saw the ex-Psych and his girlfriend together. He wasn't physically affectionate with her;he wasn't physically affectionate with me (tho I was his student, not his girlfriend) When she&I talked... he abandoned her, just as he had abandoned me so many times when I talked with friends after a concert or lecture. I'd talk with a friend, and he'd... disappear. She ended up running down the stairs after him. They argued all the way down the stairs;he&I had argued all those months during the D&D before she moved in. It was THEN *I* got it. It had NOTHING to do with ME. It was heartbreaking to see those same things happen to his girlfriend (and future wife)... but there was nothing I could do. The ex-P didn't treat his girlfriend like a princess while treating me like dirt. He treated her&I the same. His purpose to flaunt her was to inflict pain&triangulation. I found it a moment of enlightenment. I realized I had NOTHING to envy. I couldn't envy a woman whose boyfriend never mentioned her existence, who abandoned her, who fought her unnecessarily. I had to remember how he treated ME. I was unhappy with him. He treated me badly. I had to get out. MY unhappiness mattered more than any happiness (real or fake) between the ex-P&his girlfriend.

Very true Soldier Girl. We must also remember that it isn't personal, it isn't about us that they can't care... no one gets what we couldn't because it is THEIR problem, not ours. Don't fret for a moment that who they are with now is being treated ANY differently. It will always be the same with a narc. Lots of nothingness, followed by empty promises and more nothingness. Round and round they go, but we have a choice to refuse to ride along and stop the dizzy spinning (a tip of the hat to our wonderful Mod by the same name)! :)

you are so right on, the narc and i exchanged a few letters over the past few weeks and in every letter to me he blames me for EVERYTHING, except being born, 5 pages of bullshit that he lashes out onto me, all false hoods,it is really his own shelf hatred he cannot deal with, and when i said his mother did improper parenting of him and one of his relatives told me he was a nut case, he went ballistic even more, never once did he look within hi8mself,nothing, they only seek to destroy you, the closer you come to realizing who they really are. he can have his 'ladyfriends 'who do not know the man like I do........

Zero care factor is correct! You are dead on with that statement Sopldier Girl! And the newbies need to realize that! It's a hard pill to swallow and one that is very difficult to wrap your head around accept. But it is what it is, they are what they are, and the sooner it is realized and accepted, the better off you are. Great reminder post! Thanks!

Once you do take that fact onboard it is so much easier to move away from them and forwards. Onwards and upwards!!! TGIF. Dee x

And when you think back, don't the moments when they switched it on and off seem so obvious now? Aaah, I think I can spot the new N's much clearer now...but the ones in my life that are still the charmers or who I have to work with, I have to be so careful about. Thanks for the reminder!

You are absolutely right. They lack empathy, and they do care- for THEMSELVES ONLY in all things. Any indication that they "might" care on any level is simply them acting and pretending, because it benefits THEM in some way to do so. love~ Layla