Narcs with Insomnia Issues???

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Feb 17 - 9PM
MandyM's picture

Mine was a night owl, but

Mine was a night owl, but when he did sleep, he needed some sort of white noise to listen to to distract him from his anxiety.
Feb 18 - 1AM (Reply to #16)
Journey's picture

White Noise

Yes about the white noise. Usually a fan. He'd also sleep with one pillow over his head, covering his ears and face down to his nostrils. If there was no extra pillow, he'd use a t-shirt and wrap it around.

Journey on...

Mar 30 - 9PM (Reply to #17)
sara-smile's picture


Where have you been?? I was getting worried about you because I haven't seen you around in awhile! Glad your back!
Apr 5 - 1PM (Reply to #18)
Journey's picture

Thanks Sara-Smile!

I just needed a break is all... it was great actually, I found myself not thinking about him much and I could focus on other things. A big shift happened I think. I feel I can come back now but I've noticed there is a fine line between helping others by sharing my stories and falling back into the pain I felt by telling them which I have to be aware of. I was posting a lot yesterday in support of others and felt down again myself. I don't know if I was down because I was so involved or if I was so involved because I was feeling down... I feel better again today though and that is what matters. Nice to see you too!

Journey on...

Feb 17 - 9PM
gettinbetter's picture

in our twenties no. could

in our twenties no. could fall asleep and stay asleep easily. In our forties he says he doesnt sleep much at all which I tend to believe becuase of the times that I got emails. I dont know for sure as he lives far away now so I havent had the opportunity to observe it. Everytime we saw eachother it was daytime. But I would have to say yes to the insomnia
Feb 17 - 9PM
hedidntbreakme's picture

mine couldnt sleep either

mine couldn't sleep either, definetly a night owl...I think they aretaughted by their evil when they sleep and are tortured for their sick behavior while sleeping. They are scared to sleep.
Mar 31 - 9AM (Reply to #13)
OnlyChild49 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

A Thousand Voices

was what the N called the thoughts that came making him unable to sleep. He could go/run on 4-5 hours and did a lot of the time staying up until early morning hours. Or wake up and couldn't get back to sleep. No, I didn't witness it, he told me. If he couldn't sleep, he would read - mostly self-help books. Had a stack of them. He use to say he could read the information, but was unable, for the most part, to put it into practice. Tell me about it!!! So, another "vote" for N's inability to sleep!!!
Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
spinning's picture

Funny, just remembered

mine was a complete night owl and jokingly (now in hindsight it's just plain scary) said he couldn't stand sunlight and did his best work at night. He also had to sleep with ear plugs in. When I asked he said it was because if he didn't he'd have horrible nightmares... ...interesting. Too scared to sleep I think... sincerely (gaggig at how he made me so) spinning


Feb 17 - 8PM
onwithmylife's picture


My EXNarc could not sleep for about 8-10 years, i am talking about a full night sleep, not 3or 4 hours of sleep, it was a nightmare and I think the cancer he has now may be because of it, lowered immune system Also I am thinking he had a real guilty consceince, he told me he carried a lot of guilt around DUH, I wonder why, the universe knows when you treat people like crap and that he did...........He once overdose on ambien and i had to take him down to the hospital.
Feb 17 - 5PM
Susan32's picture

He was ALWAYS tired

The ex-Psych professor would sleep in the library. As my classmates would joke, trying to act human was exhausting for him. He'd say that I was tiring him out... and my relationship with him didn't even involve sex. He'd complain about being tired, yet he'd never drink coffee, claiming it irritated his stomach. During the final D&D, he mentioned calling someone at midnight... I think it was his girlfriend.
Feb 17 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture


Your ex-narc just cracks me up....."trying to act human was exhausting for him." LOL
Feb 17 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Susan32's picture

Better laughter than tears ;)

His battery was probably running low. I could've had him plugged in like those newfangled electric cars. He'd be environmentally friendly... and boring as Hell. He blamed ME for tiring him out and making him old. Wow.
Feb 17 - 3PM
Journey's picture

Sleep Abnormalities

Hi, mine wasn't about insomnia so much as just odd sleep patterns. He could easily sleep whenever he wanted to and often for hours more than what I think is normal. He loved to stay up real late, sleep 2 hours, get up for a few hours, sleep again - and so he napped often regardless if we had plans. I found myself waiting for him to wake up a lot! It also helped throw my sleep schedule into a tail spin which I'm still recovering from.

Journey on...

Feb 18 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
agnesmurphy17's picture

Mine too

Mine stayed up late every night. I thought he was working preparing his classes. I later learned from the woman who replaced me & his first ex-wife that he had a voracious on-line pornography habit (I never knew). While he was preparing his classes, he was probably engaging in porn & wanking. But, when he put this head on the pillow, he fell asleep INSTANTLY. He was proud of this ability. Mine is a French citizen & often stated that Napoleon was famous for being able to sleep anywhere at any time. Mine was not only short but also had a Napoleonic complex.
Feb 19 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
Susan32's picture

Another Napoleon complex

Same here. The ex-Psych professor (psych as in psychopath, NOT psychology, he didn't teach psychology) would wear a beret, fancying himself to be French... tho he was born in Berkeley, in the early '60s, LOL. The ONLY time he seemed to be truly happy was when the students played keep-away with his beret, and he was scampering back&forth, smiling as beatifically as my baby nephew when he's playing with a favorite toy. It was one of the rare times he seemed truly happy... and he had truly reverted back to childhood. No wonder a year after the D&D, his parents had moved in with him. "War and Peace" is MAINLY about Napoleon. It has a scene of Napoleon being massaged by his male assistants. Pierre and Andrei are more enamored of Napoleon than the women in their lives, in a sense. The ex-P read "War and Peace" religiously. "Mine was not only short but also had a Napoleonic complex"-Same here. The ex-P made a BIG DEAL about how short he was, how his parents were short.
Feb 17 - 2PM
mystwoman's picture

I don't think xnh had

I don't think xnh had insomnia problems, necessarily, as much as he was "night owl". He just LOVED to stay up all night playing with his motorized toys, and then he was Hell On Wheels to be around because he was always tired. I got so that I really didn't appreciate xnh being a constant grump butt because he apparently wasn't bright enough (or mature enough) to go to sleep when he needed. When xnh DID actually go to sleep, though, it was like someone turned off his lights. He could fall asleep in mid-word, and he'd be asleep so soundly that I probably could have declared him legally dead. Seriously, one time someone was trying to break into his car while we were staying at a motel, and I could NOT wake him. I'd yelled at him to wake up, smacked him, pulled all of the covers off him so maybe he'd freeze and wake up, and I finally rolled him completely off the bed and poured cold water onto him. Nothing. At that point, I said, "Screw it. If you can't even be bothered to wake up and protect your own car, you deserve whatever you get." At his point, the people messing with his car were nowhere to be seen. Fortunately for him, the next morning when he finally went to check on it, they hadn't been successful at getting inside. The other thing that xnh did (which caused insomnia for ME) was that he was a HORRIBLE snorer. He was so awful that we had separate bedrooms for the last many years we were together. Xnh could wake me up with his snoring from the opposite end of the house (the house is 65 feet long). Of course, he wouldn't believe me and it was (once again) all my fault because I couldn't sleep. I finally went to work and brought home a decibel meter. Xnh consistently clocked in at 80-90 decibels, which is the noise level of a train whistle. Xnh's snoring was hideous. As far as him having insomnia though, I'd have to say he didn't. In typical narc fashion, he inflicted the ramifications of his behavior onto others, and then went obliviously onward without looking at the path of destruction behind him. lol.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Feb 17 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture


Yes, my exnh was a night owl as well. They can stay up for hours, but then when they're tired, we bear the brunt of their anger. Ugh!
Mar 30 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
JLMNY1's picture

Same thing

Hi, I'm a new member. I've been reading through the posts and I'm just amazed at all the similarities. My ex-Narc and I broke up almost 6 weeks ago. The sleep thing was actually one of the reason HE broke up with ME. He is up at 4:30am, sometimes 5am. He can't sleep past 5:30am usually. He'd spend time in the morning playing video games or reading until it was time to meet his friend at the gym, which he did every day. At night, he would stay up until 10:30, 11pm. He didn't get more than 5 hours a sleep a night sometimes, and that's all he could do. I, however, like to sleep in when I can. I WANT 9 hours of sleep a night, and after working all day with kids, I wanted to go to bed at 9pm. This was a HUGE issue. He said we had different energy levels and he wanted to date someone who was more like him. He had no concept of being tired from a work day (he's a lawyer but spends most of his day playing online) and why I needed to go to bed at 9pm. Again, all this made me doubt my own energy level and wonder what was wrong with me. Then I realized I'm the normal one getting 8-9 hours of sleep a night. HE is the one with the issue, getting only 5 hours.