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Need some advice on how to cope...

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#1 Dec 27 - 7PM
star17
star17's picture

Need some advice on how to cope...

Hello everyone i hope you all had a nice holiday...i need some advice...so my XN and i have been on again off again for almost 3 years now we are over he has a new girlfriend and i'm heartbroken and struggling to move on...so i know i shouldn't look at facebook but curiosity got the best of me and i did...the OW's new profile pic is her in a snowmobile outfit the jacket gloves pants everything...he is taking her to his parents place with the family this weekend for the trip...well this broke my heart into a millions pieces...see i never got to go with him...i've always wanted too and to now see her going is just killing me...now he is broke...has no $ so i know he didn't buy it for her but what if he did? it's at least $1,000.00 in snowmobile gear...i know he is using her for $ because he barely is scraping by...why does this hurt so much? why can't i pity her instead of feel jealous? i know he is using her to pay the way for the trip/gas/food etc...but it just hurts...i hate this feeling...

Dec 27 - 9PM
NessMIA
NessMIA's picture

The best way to cope is NO

The best way to cope is NO contact. Delete your FB! you might think you will miss it..but trust me, it has been 3 weeks for me..without facebook, and I don't miss it ONE BIT. I am almost scared to go back to it..because I don't want to start looking up my N. Delete your FB read THE PATH FORWARD get a 1:1 with goldie and cry it out. it will get better. The pain will get better.
Dec 27 - 7PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

I know it hurts

I've had a similar situation....I kept driving myself crazy thinking that the OW must do something different. Maybe she was somehow better than I was. Maybe he loved her more. Nope. He's just in his "mask" phase. It's just a temporary thing...you know this in your heart. She's just NS. Months from now she will be wondering what happened to the amazing guy that took her to his parent's place. It will happen. In the meantime, do yourself a big favor. GET OFF FACEBOOK. It does not help you in any way to see these pictures and make up scenarios that might not even be accurate. Your recovery depends on shutting this behavior down ASAP. Seriously, I can't stress this enough. You need to focus on yourself, and you can't do that while obsessing about your ex and his new girlfriend. I'm not trying to be mean....I just know from experience that I had to shut down FB for a while...in fact, I didn't even miss it once I broke the addiction. Hugs to you. You will feel better, but you do have some things within your control that will make this easier for you.
Dec 27 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
star17
star17's picture

Thank you...i know i keep

Thank you...i know i keep telling myself he is coming on strong and showing her the nice guy and i know it won't last i just feel cheated as i know we all do...i wasted 3 years while he was going through his divorce and i put up with him losing everything his house his business everything i cared for his kids...and now i'm dumped and she gets to be with him doing the things we should have done together...ugh just feeling sucky!
Dec 27 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome.. First we are All

Welcome.. First we are All the OW..re read what you just wrote... Really? This guy is a broke loser feeding off new supply.. New supply with money.. I'm telling you now..Prepare yourself.. If she has bucks he's going to be tied to her for as long as she puts up with it.. These idiots all have an agenda ..Money,Money,Money.. Perfect.. Cut your losses, stay here with us.. The Journey Begins.. It's time to discover who you are.. Hunter
Dec 27 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
I_Dated_Satan
I_Dated_Satan's picture

I can't understand why

my x told me that the very wealthy OW after one month offered to build him a house...so he said he broke up with her. He said and I admit I recorded him...oops... "like I am going to be with a woman that says that after one month".....and " she is just my friend", but when I didn't talk to him by NC the same week has her at his family Christmas intro her as GF!!!!! Why lie about it.... Why can't he just say...that he is with her???? He told everyone else she is his GF but me. Why? I was so tempted to email her that recording but not worth the jail time.... That is how crazy we let them make us.... I am trying to stop obsessing about the money part cause I can't compete. Besides, he is so not worth the wasted energy. Best thing I did was to turn off FB. I admit I couldn't take it.....PAIN BODY!
Dec 27 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
star17
star17's picture

I don't think she has $...she

I don't think she has $...she just declared bankruptcy in march and is back home living with her mom...i just think she is much easier to control...i am not a judgmental person but i can tell you she is 40 years old and i've heard he is her 1st relationship so i know he probably has her just happy to have someone...i know i shouldn't even care but i do...just trying to cope...
Dec 27 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
lola_azul
lola_azul's picture

Not OW - she is just New Victim

You need to focus more on yourself and quit obsessing about him and her!! She is just another supplier! It may look all perfect but once she figures out who he is, she will be running!! Don't worry about them, worry about you and your healing!!! By going on FB you are breaking the NC rule and inflicting yourself with anger and more heartbreak!! Come here but don't go to FB. Remember, people put there just the good things that they want others to see, anyways!! Good Luck to you!!