New Here
New Here
Hello There,
I have just joined and would like to express my thanks that such a site exists. I have had incredible support from both my therapist and my friends but, as you all know, it is very difficult to explain having been with a N to anyone who hasn't experienced it first hand.
I'm a year out of the breakup and no sign of the PTSD at this stage. Last year this time, I was lost, homeless and absolutely convinced that I had gone crazy.I would beg my therapist to just be honest and tell me which peronality disorder I had. The N had spent a year and a half telling me that there was something terribly wrong with me. Initially I knew that his behaviour was off, to say the least, but after experiencing enough of his rages, I had begun to believe him. I knew that I wasn't okay and having to act okay was a terrible strain.
I never lost that butterfly feeling when I was with him, and at the time, I didn't realise that that was actually a constant adrenaline rush, never knowing what would happen next.
I had three PTSD outbursts in our last six months together. I look back and feel like I was living out some sort of bad movie script.
After the break up, he moved on immediately and had two women before entering another long term relationship. I heard this week end he and the latest one are moving in together and that she is selling her furniture to do so. I sent her a mail through Facebook. I felt obligated to. I didn't go into any detail on my experience but did mention the PTSD and that she read all she can on N's and the effects of such a relationship. When we broke up, I was labelled crazy, the sad part being that I had definitely acted crazy. In my mail to her, I said that I did not mind wearing this label again, if it would assist her at some point in the future. I am the third of his many partners to have experienced a total meltdown whilst others left with really low self esteem. At the very least, at some future point, when this new woman is questioning her own psychological state, my words will be there for her.
It still boggles my mind that these N's move, unidentified through our society. I liken them to loaded guns, walking around amongst women and children.
On the up side, the experience has been a gift to me. I came from an abusive childhood and my break down gave me the opportunity to deal with a lot of unfinished business. Prior to the N, I had spent twelve years in a relationship with no sign of this craziness. I realise, though, that had I not been abused as a child, I would have walked away shortly after I met him. I had so many bad gut feels and yet I stayed around to watch them materialise into events.
This experience has effected me deeply. My greatest learning has been to watch behaviour in others and not listen to declarations. I also pay heed to that gut feel now and remove myself from danger without a second thought. I am currently working on a book about my learnings from the childhood and the N.
Have a good day, everyone.
x
Welcome Angel, your story
Welcome Angel! You've come so
Welcome to the board, Angel!
Angel
Welcome! You are so right in
Hello There, Thanks so much
Welcome Angel...
Welocme! Narcs Suck!