no contact

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#1 May 2 - 8PM
kerellen
kerellen's picture

no contact

for me no contact is nearly impossible. my xnh(then bf) oh ugh, and i have 2 children and a business together. fortunately, i don't have to see him as we do not live together. the indifference thing can work and does when implemented correctly. it is very difficult to do this but i work at it. most of the time i want to scream at him. of course in the past i have screamed and yelled to try and defend myself but now i know who he is and won't stoop to that level. i think they get off on it.

yesterday when xnh wanted to, for the millionth time, "discuss" our son. ( i suspect it is a way for him to get me to talk) hoovering a tad if you will. i once again repeated to him the solution for dealing with a teenaged boy who is behaving lazily and not showing much motivation. what is crazy is that we have had this conversation countless times but it is like he doesn't listen, EVER.

so at the end of this conversation he asked for his mail and i then asked him to change the address so it would go to his house. OMG! you would have thought i was calling the cops on him. he freaked out and said he wouldn't do that because he doesn't TRUST me. wtf?? what does that mean? what a weirdo. 6 mos. ago i would have tried to prove to him how trustworthy i was, etc. BUT now i just know that that is narcspeak, total mindfuck. it was mild but so telling and ironic as he is the one who got a new gf and didn't tell me first. what a surprise!! ha ha

i hardly post here but this site has helped me so so much to heal and learn and i thank you all from the bottom of my heart. you all are very courageous people and i love the support and insight i gain from coming here and reading, reading, reading.

May 3 - 8AM
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

I'm going thru something like

I'm going thru something like this as well . We don't own a business but we have two children together and he uses the kids as an excuse relentlessly . He uses his mail too I've noticed alot more mail has started coming here like cellphone bills and other stuff. He uses his dead mother. The man uses anything to get over here and "talk". Well this last D&D was it for me because I was minding my own business and he shows up talking suicide. He is evil swore on his mother's grave he was serious. 10 days later D&D. I cut all communication immediately, came to this site and read about what he did was called hoovering. Not falling for his games anymore, he told me since I can't call you don't call me (another attempt to control he knew I was vulnerable). When he said that it was like some spell was over me and I dare not call those numbers again and I haven't since and I'm not going to. Makes me feel desperate to do so. Its hard dealing with the kids alone but what can I do ? Just deal with it .
May 3 - 12AM
Kitty02 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hi kerellen You are doing so

Hi kerellen You are doing so well 'juggling' things with your narc...I say juggling because that's what it must feel like when you can't go no contact. Of course he doesn't want his mail sent to his address, one more excuse less to 'pop' over when he feels like it and pick it up that would be another little bit of control gone. You'd think if he didn't trust you he would want his mail sent to his own home, but you realize this now about him and a lot more and you are doing fantastic. God bless...keep reading and posting
May 2 - 10PM
kgirl
kgirl's picture

Kerellen I'm so glad you're

Kerellen I'm so glad you're here....learning to see through him and finding ways to deal with him and heal without no contact. I think it must be so hard when you have children together. Post all you want and we're here for you! Sending you tons of strength, peace...and a hug! ~KG
May 2 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
kerellen
kerellen's picture

thanks

i have been following your story for the past few weeks and hope all is going forward for you. it truly seems as if you are working hard to get through your experience. it is not an easy road but i know that time is a big healer and with the support of family and friends and of course this site i can see the light at the end and it feels good. so thanks for the kind words, kg. peace and hugs to you as well.