No one understands NC

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 14 - 6AM

Sea

No one understands NC

I am really suffering. All around me thot I am a spoilt, tantrum throwing childish gal for going NC. Narcky was seen as the victim of my immaturity. No one knows about his diagnosis as NPD. Even if they do, they wont care - whats that? People just sees him with a successful career, not an abuser, esp emotional abuser who leaves no physical scar on their victims.

I am very lonely on this journey. His exes are all still rallying around him, validating that he is a good man. I am the lunatic that he has no choice but to breakup with me.

I am trying to heal myself. Thanks for letting me vent here. This is the only place i felt safe.

Sumiko

#2 Nov 15 - 10PM

tresor2

Turn it Around

All those people around you who judge are simply doing the best they know with what they know, which isn't much when it comes to NPD. Therefore, you have the power because you DO KNOW. Hold your head up high and keep a "half smile" on your face; as if you know. You have a lot more power than you think. As for the lonliness; I totally understand because I'm very lonely too. I feel misunderstood and sometimes I think that nobody will ever truly know and love me...scary stuff. But then, I realize that "other people" are not the determiners of who I am and the judge of whether I'm right or wrong or worthy or not. That's between me and my higher power. The exes are still in denial and that's their destiny for now; not your problem. It is not, however, your destiny. All that matters is what YOU THINK and you know you are not a lunitic. You are the victim of one, so if you can, replace the belief with something positive. You are healing by venting, being honest about your feelings and remaining NC. This is soooooooooo hard but, you are doing it and can continue on your spiritual path. You will heal in due time. Be gentle, compassionate and loving towards yourself and try to stay in your own lane by not letting others distract you. You will recover; at your own personal pace.

#3 Nov 16 - 9AM (Reply to #20)

Sea

Thanks Tresor. I am healing

Thanks Tresor. I am healing quietly on my own :)

#4 Nov 14 - 10PM

foreverfun1

you are not alone sea

we are all here and care and know what he has put you through. it's hard when people blame you because it's like what the N does. it's so infuriating and unbelievably unfair. i always read your posts because i learn a lot from you. i don't always comment but you can know for sure that you were with a true Narc, everything you say rings so true to me. it hurts me that you have no one to be there for you in person. just stay strong because things will get better for you. love

#5 Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #18)

Sea

Foreverfun

Thanks for your kind warm words. He is indeed a true narc and live up to his type. I am his longest gf 3 years so i get to know alot. After i found his diagnosis, his mask came off completely. It is not a pretty sight - raw ugly and empty. I believe i am the only woman who has seen him in his raw form. He is still busy conning and charming the women of the world!

#6 Nov 14 - 9PM

brinamarie

My therapist told me once:

My therapist told me once: the truth is the truth is the truth, no matter who knows it. ...and the truth always has a way of revealing itself eventually. And i believe in KARMA! you don't just get to emotionally abuse someone for 5 years and then wind up happy ever after. No matter how great your co-workers think you are.. When he goes home at night, alone, it's just him and his emptiness. What a shitty life. (until he finds the next victim to suck dry that is)

#7 Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #16)

Sea

This shit narc has zillions

This shit narc has zillions of supplies - no lonely shit life for him yet! He is flirting from woman to woman, endless. Wait for karma to catchup with him.

#8 Nov 14 - 7PM

Susan32

Analogous situations

NC is for keeping your sanity. It's for your health. NC is like avoiding infection. It's like washing your hands before eating-it keeps your mind clean. NC is like quarantine to keep the disease away. You can simply explain it to outsiders with "we were incompatible" and leave it at that.

#9 Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #13)

Sea

Susan

I like that word Quarantine! To avoid the diseased pest called narcky. I told everyone who asked that narcky and me are not meant to be so we split. But why NC. I told them i want peace to heal. They would say narcky has no closure (what a joke), shouldnt i be doing at least a last contact to talk things out? I just kept quiet and smiled (like an idiot)

#10 Nov 15 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Susan32

It's for your sake

During the final D&D, an on-campus therapist (who was also a professor, therefore one of the ex-Psych prof's colleagues) basically told me that for my mental health, I HAD to avoid the ex-P. Make emotional distance. Be strictly business. She validated my feelings of emotional betrayal... and it was difficult for her, because she worked with him. As for talking things out, you TRIED. You TRIED so many times. He didn't give you closure. You tried to make closure. You probably tried A LOT to get an explanation, validation, and it was always about him&his needs. It's about YOUR closure now. NC is necessary for your sanity... because NPD rubs off on others. Bess, the first wife of Jack London, is described as a "vengeful harpy" in the recent bio of the author titled "Wolf:The Many Lives of Jack London." He had mistreated her. He had an affair with his future second wife while married to her. He cruelly deserted her&their daughters. The author describes Charmian Kittredge (London's second wife) as "totally blameless"-when it was her affair with Jack that destroyed the marriage. Charmian was a lot like Jack himself. She had affairs with other men while still married to Jack;Jack still carried on affairs with other women (and it is speculated he had some with men) The author praises Charmian for being forgiving towards Jack despite his frequent infidelities that wounded her, standing by his side. I thought WTF? Sofia Tolstoy is often portrayed as nagging harridan, wild and histrionic. Leo Tolstoy's NPD rubbed off on her... she might have been one as well, marrying him for his fame, power, and sexual prowess. 48 years of marriage to Leo literally drove her nuts. At one point, she was diagnosed with hysteria¶noia. "The Last Station" shows the disastrous nature of NPD within a marriage. Watching "Last Station",I realized why I left the ex-P, nor envied his wife. I was GLAD to be free of that madness!

#11 Nov 14 - 1PM

uk lady

Sumiko

Knowledge is power and we all know that the mask has fallen so we have the power to repair ourselves and move forward to happier and healthier futures - they don't have that option. Don't worry what other people think - we know the truth. Let him keep spinning them - better them than you. I agree, it is a very lonely journey for the majority of us so you are not alone. You are doing great going forward so keep strong. Vent away. We all know the place where you are coming from. Dee x

#12 Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

Sea

Thanks Dee

Narcky is happily spinning the people around him. No one would have guess that he's a sick psychopath behind closed door. I want out and stay out forever. No more narcky rollercoaster life for me. Give and give and nothing comes back. Better off getting a pet. The pet loves u back.

#13 Nov 14 - 9AM

Kiwi2005

Sumiko, You're definitely NOT

Sumiko, You're definitely NOT alone. You've got all of us on here. Some are new, some have been there-done that, but you have lots of people on here. We've all learned that people on the outside who have never experienced this will NEVER understand what we are or have gone through. NONE of what those other people think matters... what matters is that you're starting to take care of YOU and you need to do whats right for YOU. Not whats right for me, or them. You stay strong & keep your head up... and f what other people think! Xoxoxo

#14 Nov 15 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

ReclaimingPower

LIKE

I wish they had the Facebook "Like" feature on these blogs. I would be "liking" everyone's post like crazy here. Kiwi2005, what you just wrote hit home. I slipped and was sharing a little bit of my story with someone at work yesterday and they chastised me saying what was I thinking, and didn't I see the red flags and how stupid could I have been. I really REALLY didn't need that. There is NO WAY they can possibly understand. But I hope they never have to go through what we went through TO understand. I'd like to think that WE took the hit for some of humanity, but the truth is less glorified. There will be others... Hopefully they will be survivors as well and grow from the experience. NC has been my life support. And this forum has been an additional Godsend. xoxo

#15 Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #8)

Sea

Thanks for your

Thanks for your encouragement. I am here in this virtual world forum where i feel safe to pour my feelings. In reality i am alone. My mum thot i am in some cyber cult club and started something called NC! That puzzles her alot.

#16 Nov 14 - 7AM

empath

sumiko

You understand NC. We understand NC. Regardless of a formal or informal diagnosis, he was abusive to you. His exes must still be under his spell, and clearly none of those people have your best interests at heart. Stay NC...from all of them.

#17 Nov 14 - 8AM (Reply to #6)

Sea

These people inc my mum. She

These people inc my mum. She is not a narc but cant understand why i dont want a closure conversation with narcky.

#18 Nov 14 - 7AM

Syren66 (not verified)

If he's SUCH a great guy,

If he's SUCH a great guy, then why are they exes? Fuckin' pathetic doormats. Stay strong...you're doing great!

#19 Nov 14 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

Sea

They are in the fog. They

They are in the fog. They dont know narcky never loved them ever. They will still go out with narcky, sleeps with him i believe cos he's such a con artist.

#20 Nov 14 - 11PM (Reply to #3)

lana22

Sounds more like they r

Sounds more like they r stupid and live in a land called denial!

#21 Nov 15 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

Lisa87

LOL Lana and Sea

Yes, let the other women have him! Do you really want to be one of many women? Is that the culture where you live? (honestly I don't know). You are (were) getting crumbs, they are getting crumbs, you can't base a relationship on crumbs. Just explain that to all those that are routing for Narky. If they don't mind being a crumb then let them have at it!!

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