Not looking forward to Monday! Some encouragement please!

45 posts / 0 new

#1 May 29 - 4PM

rainbow1

Not looking forward to Monday! Some encouragement please!

So while me and my X-N have been broken up for 5 weeks now we have still been living together. He told me that he was not moving because it didnt bug him to see me so if I had the problem then I could leave. After I started looking around for houses he randomly text me last week telling me that he is moving this Monday. I asked what made him change his mind and he said "It will just be better this way. I have to do this for me." He has been gone camping for the last 5 days so I have been NC, but he gets back Monday and said he is packing everything and leaving that day. Even though I know that it will be much healthier for me this way and it will also help me move on I am so sad. I am going to be very sad to see him go and know that then we really will have no contact. I feel like I am being broken up with all over again. All the progress that I have made is slipping away and I miss him again. Please send me some encouragement!

#2 Jun 8 - 12PM

rainbow1

He contacted me yesterday

I have erased his number from my phone but have not blocked him yet. Yesterday I got a text from a number asking me for my work number. I asked who it was and it was him. He said that his friend got a DUI (I work at my mom's law firm) and that he wanted to "help me out" by referring a friend. He has my work number! Along with his family and friends and it being online! Why is he asking me this? Two days ago he was telling me not to talk to him and that I was a stalker! And now you are texting me?! I dont get it! He could have gone many different routes to get my work number! And then his friend didnt even call yesterday! He is sick sick sick!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#3 Jun 8 - 5PM (Reply to #41)

rainbow1

I hate him I hate him I hate him

Now all day at my office I have been worried that I am going to get a call from him or one of his friends! I know that he has my work number and could have called before but now that he is talking about it I am all nervous! Everytime the phone rings my heart races! The good news is that I do not answer the phones and I can tell my receptionist to say that I am not here. But his friend still hasnt called! I am sure that there was no friend that got a DUI in the first place! Sick games!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#4 Jun 8 - 9PM (Reply to #42)

Barbara (not verified)

rainbow1

the receptionist is not to put thru any calls from him or his friends. If he shows up call security. ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#5 Jun 8 - 10PM (Reply to #43)

rainbow1

you guys will not believe it!

So remember how he asked me for my office number yesterday?! well i gave it to him yesterday. but then he just asked me again! why because its the first day im actually ignoring him?! crazy! and then one of his exes who ive never met but we have never liked each other is friends with a girl i know. the girl i know just asked if i would want to go to a movie with them?! is that weird? i would actually like to talk to his ex and put our differences aside but what do you guys think?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#6 Jun 8 - 11PM (Reply to #44)

Barbara (not verified)

rainbow1

I think until you GET that he is NOT HUMAN A PREDATOR BRAIN STRUCTURE & CHEMISTRY DIFFERENT INCURABLE and that this is a heck of a lot more than a 'bad breakup' that you will continue to make yourself crazy trying to figure him out and beat yourself up about him. even the professionals can't figure these freaks out. read the stories on SHARE YOUR STORY. Between that and my blog on abuse - I've heard stories that make yours seem like a NarcSlacker... LOL ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#7 Jun 8 - 3PM (Reply to #39)

Barbara (not verified)

rainbow1

BECAUSE HE'S N O T H U M A N he's a gaslighting, mind-f***er BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK HIM NOW ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#8 Jun 8 - 7PM (Reply to #40)

gullablegull (not verified)

Now that.........

is why we love you Barbara! So glad you're back!

#9 Jun 8 - 3PM (Reply to #38)

broken23

rainbow they will find

rainbow they will find whatever reason...and they will get more and more pitiful. its to ensure you are still around ofcourse. i went through a similar phase, and my N got me back on the hook by calling my work line and leaving dramatic messages like my mom is in the hospital...to which i finally broke. i tried to keep on subject but eventually he started talking about other stuff to reel me in. I swear to god a week later when I asked how his mom is hes like oh yeah i dont know fine i guess. its all a game...sick sick sick is right.

#10 Jun 8 - 12PM (Reply to #33)

ewa

Rainbow

Wow, i can see he is not smart enough to make a better reason of contacting you. I hope you did not respond to him.. And after what he did to you he is able to contact you again, just like this? It shows how crazy psycho he is!!!

#11 Jun 8 - 1PM (Reply to #34)

rainbow1

I know!

Is he really that stupid that he cant think of a better reason to contact me?! And why?! Just to make sure that I am still here? And one of the girls that he has been hanging out with everyday and is dating one of his best friends and was also at prom asked to be my friend on Facebook yesterday. I accepted which I am guessing that I should not of. That is how I saw the prom pics. I know this girl and she is really nice, but I cant help but think he has something to do with this. If he really didnt want to talk to me and thought that I was stalking him then why ask for my work number?! He has called me everyday that we were together on my work number! I am so digusted with him!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#12 Jun 8 - 2PM (Reply to #37)

ewa

Rainbow

They contact just to make sure that N supply is still available also to remind about themselves to make you suffer even worse. The do not contact you in a good reason because once they showed you luck of respect they are never able to give the respect back. Each contact will turn against you :(

#13 Jun 8 - 1PM (Reply to #35)

quietude (not verified)

you can always count on them...

...to be complete flakes, liars, game-changers, goal-post movers with extremely erratic behavior. Keep that in mind, and I swear, NOTHING will come as a surprise. Rainbow, they will dump you, talk trash about you, and turn around the next week trying desperately to get at you. In my situation, my ex rarely tries to contact me now. Why? He probably got sick of talking to himself since I strictly enforced no contact. That isn't just a phrase, it's a life & sanity saver.

#14 Jun 8 - 5PM (Reply to #36)

AnotherPath

totally agree quietude x

Ending the dance

#15 Jun 7 - 6AM

agnesmurphy17

Police

Just go to the local police station with a list of the items that he stole. You do not need receipts. In fact, your roomates can verify that the stuff was there & then it was gone. But, this verification is not necessary, but would be nice. And N will be charged with larceny. And, if he bothers you with text, e-mail, phone calls, RO. You do not need to be hit to ake out an RO.

#16 Jun 7 - 1AM

rainbow1

update!!! he thinks he is so clever!!

so my xn owes my room mate about $400 in bills he didnt pay since he moved out. both of my room mates have been trying to get ahold of him for a week or two. he will only respond to me about anything. he thinks that he is so clever! they have asked me to contact him but today i told them that i am sorry but i can not do that (i hope you are proud). he knows that if he doesnt respond to them that the old me would have eventually jumped in. he wants me to contact him to tell me to stop stalking him, that im a bitch, tell me i still care, ask why im contacting him, ect. he thinks that he is being so smart!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#17 Jun 8 - 9AM (Reply to #30)

sanctuary

Good for you! Now your

Good for you! Now your roommates know how you feel by having your stuff stolen. Go to the police and get your stuff back. Good luck!

#18 Jun 2 - 11AM

rainbow1

Well you were all right

So he started to move out yesterday. My room mates did not want me to change the locks or put his stuff outside because they were still on the "let's be civil" level even though they are very upset with him. They have all been friends for about 10 years and didnt want to ruin a friendship over this (even though they know he is making up lies about them). So he came to the house yesterday since he still had a key and took EVERYTHING! He took all of our stuff for the business. He took our kitchen stuff, my life jacket that I just bought, all my movies, my hookah, even $60 in change that I had! So sorry Barbara, I know that you will be disappointed but I contacted him about the situation! He told me that he is just trying to help me and will bring everything back eventually. Then he went on to tell me that this is the real him and that he could never be himself with me. He also told me that I am a loser. Once our room mates got home they freaked out! It ended in them getting into a huge fight and my male room mate changing all the locks and disconnecting the garage since he has an opener. He still has some stuff at the house and he said that if he comes to the house today and the locks are changed he will break a window. Its so sad that it had to get this far!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#19 Jun 8 - 5PM (Reply to #28)

AnotherPath

Yeah he's right about one

Yeah he's right about one thing, this is the real him. A classic abusive narc. He's the loser and is projecting it onto you. Why didn't he just take his stuff and leave? Because he wants the drama and contact you will now be involved with to get your stuff back. Go through the police route.

Ending the dance

#20 Jun 2 - 2PM (Reply to #25)

Barbara (not verified)

rainbow1

tell him you have made a list of all the things that were yours and if he doesn't bring them back in 24 hours you are filing a police report. NOW. SCREW THE OTHER PEOPLE. Civil my a** pack up his crap and put it by the door. anything else valuable YOU have? put it in your room! With a LOCK ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#21 Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #26)

neveragain5

rainbow1

And if I might just add.....Find any receipts that you have that prove that you are the owner of what he took. My guess is the $60 dollars is a loss for you. Send a detailed email, (all business) saying: I have a list of all that you took from the house that belonged to me. You have 24 hours to return the items that were not yours. If you do not return them in that time, I will be filing a police report. Then go NC and wait. You want documentation that you sent this warning to him. If he doesn't comply, you take the list of items that Barbara told you to write, any receipts or credit card statements that prove that you purchased the item and you take it to the police. Actions and consequences. Narc's have NO boundaries and it is up to you to set very firm ones for them. It is like disciplining a child. If he chooses to ignore you or try to sweet talk you out of it, ignore him. A normal person can not reason and be civil with a narc. They will only turn it back on you and that is on them. By the way, he probably will be too stupid to realize that you are documenting and will respond. Hopefully, he will show his cards like he did earlier by saying something incriminating about "getting it back to you eventually". At that point, he admits guilt.

#22 Jun 2 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

rainbow1

I need you all to be very harsh on me please!

And I truly had my ah-ha moment today. After we changed the locks and told him not to come to the house today unless we were home he broke in! He brought back some of our room mate's stuff but nothing of mine. He is trying to keep me in his contact! He wants attention either good or bad! He never cared about me! I have been hearing little lies about stupid things lately and then I heard somethings today that he did while we were together that is not ok! I feel like complete trash! I am also kind of scared. He has a garage opener but is telling us that he lost his, but last night we unplugged it so he couldnt get it with it and when we got home it was plugged back in. He also left more of his stuff here for an excuse to come back. If he really wanted to leave my life like he is saying then he would just up and go! Not leave stuff or take stuff for me to contact him about it! We are trying to get him off the lease now because he used that as his excuse for why he thought it was ok to break in. He was also being kind of nice when I was confronting him about the break in today and then when I said I dont want to fight he said word for word "o wow so now u dont care! god damn yur r fuckin sycho holy shit go to a counselor or something!" (he is not a very good speller!) I need you all to be harsh on me about letting this happen please! I am worried that he will be back. He told us that he was too busy to come today when we told him that we would be here waiting so we didnt wait. Then we told him he needs to get his stuff tomorrow when my room mate will be home or it will be outside and he said that he is too busy to come and will come on his time and when he wants.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#23 May 31 - 12PM

rainbow1

he is never leaving!!!!!!!

He came home last night just to shower then leave again! He came home at the wee hours of the morning and I heard him going in and out of the house so I thought to myself "great he is moving". Then I wake up to my room mate yelling at me (she is very upset with the whole situation as well). Apparently he just left and went 4x4ing this morning. He didnt pack anything! He hasnt taken anything to his new house! He is supposed to be out today! He told my room mate that he will still be moved by today but I do not see how that is possible. I am scared to move his stuff as you guys keep telling me to do. He has horrible rage and throws tantrums to get his way. I know that he might move some stuff tonight and even sleep at his new house but I have a good gut feeling that he will leave stuff behind. It will be his way back into my life. He keeps telling me that he doesnt want to deal with me anymore but if that were true then you would think that he would take care of all of our unfinished business now wouldnt you? If I didnt want to see someone again then I would not procrastinate. What you do guys think?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#24 May 31 - 1PM (Reply to #23)

quietude (not verified)

rainbow

You can't apply LOGIC to an N. What makes sense is never their M.O. PLEASE take Barbara's advice before this gets any worse. Move the shit out of there, somehow, someway, and do it now. I'm sure your roommate would be more than happy to help in order to be rid of him. Change those locks today. He won't leave? Then you have to take matters into your own hands and make that decision for him.

#25 May 31 - 1PM (Reply to #21)

Healingnow

just pack his stuff and do

just pack his stuff and do it scared then...........whatever it takes. Who is he that you should pussyfoot around him!

#26 May 31 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

Barbara (not verified)

rainbow1

HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY THIS? Pack his stuff put it out front CHANGE THE LOCKS! you will NEVER NEVER MAKE SENSE OF THIS NON-HUMAN PRICK... then block his phone, emails, texts - everything ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#27 May 30 - 5PM

rainbow1

update about him moving out!

I have an update about him moving out and I really need to vent! First off, he told my room mate that he was leaving for camping on Wednesday so he did not have time to help her switch over the water bill or power bill into one of our names. Come to find out that he really left Thursday night and just lied to get out of having to make a phone call! He just never came home that night and actually packed for camping just to get out of being responsible! Also, he told my room mates that he will be home Monday and will pack all of his stuff up that day and leave. However, we now find out that he is planning on going wheeling all day! My room mates want him out by tomorrow since it is the first. But I guess that he is planning on coming home today so maybe he will pack then. AND we have a small business together that we are now obviously stopping, but we have inventory right now that we need to sell. I asked him a while ago if we could split it and he said no he will take care of it and give me my money. After everything that has happened the last few weeks I do not trust him so this is how our conversation went today over text: me: "hey I decided that I am not really ok with the situation, I would like to figure things out before you leave" him: "shut the f*** up about it" me: "are you kidding?" him: "no im out of town dont text me about this s*** I dont care what you are comfortable with. I am doing what I want, taking my money then I'll give you the rest" me:"no, I dont care what you want either that's not fair. You need to compromise and if you dont want to then I'm taking my part while you are gone" him: "I am compromising so hush" me: "No, N, you are being rude and horrible to everyone. Why the f*** would I trust you to take everything?" him: "because I dont want anymore problems so I am going to be fair so that I dont have to deal with you anymore then Ill start my own business so yeah." me: "No, I dont trust you. Ill give you half but I am taking mine so sorry." him: "K well wait til I get there and we will figure it out" me: "You are moving out tomorrow. I am not letting you take all my stuff. I dont want to deal with you anymore either so I rather split things now." him: nothing me: "I am not trying to be a bitch, I just want to finish our business now" him: "yea" him: "Im not taking anything of ours for awhile so hush" me: "Im holding you to that" him: "yup" me: "I dont get you or how this has happened but whatever" Guys please help me! I am so frustrated! He did a complete 180! He acts like he hates me now and that I have killed his dad or something! I honestly dont get how one day he loved me and the next day he wanted nothing to do with me. How can he say "I dont want to deal with you anymore"? He is acting like I wont leave him alone! I never talk to him! Help!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#28 May 31 - 12AM (Reply to #19)

Barbara (not verified)

rainbow1

never try to talk to them NEVER try to 'communicate' with them never listen to them never NEVER! you are trying to make sense of a NON-HUMAN ANIMAL. Can NOT be done. STOP!! Pack up his crap and put it outside and CHANGE THE LOCKS PUT A FORK IN HIM - HE'S DONE! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#29 May 30 - 11PM (Reply to #18)

neveragain5

Don't trust him, rainbow1.

Don't trust him, rainbow1. Get his stuff out and if you can, take half of the inventory that is yours, take pictures and write down exactly what is there, so he cannot refute it. If that isn't possible, make sure that a third, neutral party is there to witness the dividend. DO NOT let him handle it! The sooner you kick him out, the sooner you will be able to go on with your life. Just remember, the only thing that they hear is, "WHA WHA WHA WHA". They are not normal. HE is not normal and they are NOT able to love...anybody. Hang in there, girl. I promise, when he is gone, you will be able to breathe. :)

#30 May 30 - 10AM

missyjade

Mixed Up Priorities

They are so damn backwards. Why would he go camping when his priority should be finding a new place to live. He is not going anywhere on Monday; he will be right there making your miserable.

#31 May 30 - 9AM

sanctuary

Here's my 2 cents worth... I

Here's my 2 cents worth... I agree with several of the others, get all of his stuff and put it outside for him. This gives you the power. Change your locks TODAY!! That way he can't come back when you're not there and mess with your stuff. You're right about that a lot of it is only STUFF. But the N's have an uncanny knack for knowing what's important to you and that's what he'll focus on if he got in. And that could be things you can't replace. You should be there but definitely have a couple of others with you, and yes a couple of big guys would be best! You don't want him trying to break in and you're alone. Don't talk to him, look at him or watch him, have one of your friends do it. Don't be afraid to call the police at the first sign of problems. That means one raised voice, one name calling, any threats, anything. Set the bar right now that you're not going to put up with any of his shit. Finally, I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's gut wrenching. As you can see there are a lot of people here who care and we'll all be watching and waiting to hear how it goes tomorrow. Stay strong! You'll get past this and the sooner he's out the better for you and you can really start healing. Hang in there!!

1
2
next
last

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews