Ok I am a paranoid nervous wreck

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Jan 30 - 7PM (Reply to #18)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

aww thanks alittledark. Ill

aww thanks alittledark. Ill be ok. I havent been taking my meds as I should so Im sure thats at the root of it. I just I had never engaged with the crazy mofo. I wish I could erase it all but I cant. Dont let this freak you out too. Stay the course. Staying involved will only make it worse.
Jan 30 - 5PM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

SOI

Something is giving you this anxiety, outta no where anxiety about him contacting your husband? Maybe he threatened this once and your remembering that?
Jan 30 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I have had this feeling of

I have had this feeling of and on for the last few months. He has been very very quiet and I sent him some nasty texts at the end. I know he doesnt forget anything. I have been reading all of these articles on psychopaths maybe it just has me spooked. Maybe I have had too much time on my hands today. I dont know but I feel panicky and once again I feel like I am not in control when I feel like I dont have control the panic attacks start
Jan 30 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Panic attacks

are no joke I've had several. Also, this untreated can cause these weird nocturnal hallucination. It's a dream whee your in a deep sleep but your awake and you feel like your having an out of body experience, except you can't see yourself or anything. You just feel FEAR and you feel like you cannot wake yourself up but you feel awake. I have had those and it's scary. I had them in 2006 and went to a Dr cause they were twice a week. I felt like I was going to die. No joke. With my recent events, I have had 3 since October. I am demanding my therapist to teach me all about fending THOSE OFF. Have ya had one? They seem to creep when the panic attacks crept in. I have had treatment for the abuse so I hope to gawd I don't feel them again, or the panic! If you ever had one, then you will know EXACTLY what I am talking about. If you have to think about it for a second, then you didn't have one before. I go to therapy again on Wed. I will get the exact term for these nightmares. I am discussing them here because I dont wanna see you get them ya know. I am not trying to scare you at all. You may never get them, but if you go untreated anxiety, tis not a good thing. Has anyone had one? Or chime in here if you know the terminology....
Jan 30 - 7PM (Reply to #14)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Blueeyes I Have

I have had these dreams but I do not know what to call them. I feel like I am awake and I am actually saying to myself that I have to get up but i can't. i feel like i can't move but I am suppose to be sleep but i feel like i am awake. It is a horrible feeling! I also suffer from chronic panic attacks and do not leave home without my xanax because i don't know when i will have a panic attack. I thought I was the only one to have such dreams or hallucinations. I have to count to three and then jerk myself out of it sometimes it take several times before I am awake. even though I feel like I am already awake!

victimnomore

Jan 30 - 7PM (Reply to #15)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

victimnomore

This is common to any type of acute anxiety of abuse. :( If your not seeking treatment, do so now if your having these sleep paralysis. My Dr. said it's normal and my treatment has stopped them but I was having them a few times a week. Scary stuff huh?
Jan 30 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Blueeyes

I am taking meds for anxiety. have been for about 3 years but i still get these attacks. Although not as often now. My body have a hard time accepting meds. I have all kinds of side effects from them. But i don't go anywhere without my anxiety meds. My panic attacks come from out of nowhere.

victimnomore

Jan 30 - 7PM (Reply to #12)
alittledark
alittledark's picture

I have had some panic attacks

mostly when going into a large crowd of people. I have a lot of anxiety and have tried paxil and well-butrin, but never stayed on the meds long enough because it stablized my moods to the point of me feeling like a zombie and I had no energy. I haven't had the type of attack like you describe BlueEyes, but during the panic attacks that I experienced I felt a heavy weight on my chest, I'd get extremely dizzy, my mouth would get extremely dry and I'd begin sweating like crazy...I thought I was having a heart-attack once. I used to sing in church, but my fear began to consume me with thoughts of everyone looking at me and judging me. Anxiety is a very controlling thing. I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. --Helen Keller

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

Jan 30 - 8PM (Reply to #13)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

alittledark

Yes, anxiety is totally treatable. When the severe anxiety hits you, ya need treatment and/or medication. The psychological abuse is traumatizing. Sometimes we need help. Ask for the help. lol, I needed HELP on how to ask for HELP. So true....
Jan 30 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I havent really been taking

I havent really been taking my zoloft and Im sure thats why Im so panicky. I always think Im better and stop taking it. Im obviously not better. Am I just being overly worried? I know its related to my feeling out of control. I mean I generally think he is a coward and too much of a chicken shit and that I am probably long off of his radar screen but I dont know...
Jan 30 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

ah ha

Take your meds. When you feel better it's the meds working :) You know that already. What you don't know is what's killing you. Your always on his radar so take precautions.
Jan 30 - 6PM (Reply to #8)
Alive
Alive's picture

ok

im chiming in :) Yes i have had a few. The last one had me on the docs floor, my friends had to take me to the doctor. After 17 years of anxiety it hit me BAD. Now at the time i did not know that this was 'good' for me, it started the ball rolling for self recovery. Everything came out, shockingly even things from childhood. The pain- you think you are going to die and in the end (sorry is this upsets anyone) i thought of putting a gun to my head :( It will overtake you and you cannot stop this feeling coming. GO to the doctors now before it gets any worse. I am not one for the docs or truth be told support but I have all the help in the world now and i wished i done it sooner. This 'feeling' will only get worse. It will be triggered like blueeyes said from the most unsuspected way you could ever imagine. Somthing deep inside of you is triggering these thoughts. I do not know the terminolgy for it all i knew was that i wanted to be dead. :( Please take extra special care of yourself and seek help. x
Jan 30 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Alive...

It's a type of sleep paralysis... And it SUCKS.. Im not even kidding. I agree Alive, it's the end! YAY!
Jan 30 - 5PM
fierflie
fierflie's picture

i'll bet he's about to

i'll bet he's about to contact you i always get sick like that right before a hoover. i'm sure he won;t tell your husband, why would he?
Jan 30 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

because he is an evil

because he is an evil bastard psychopath that thinks someone is in posession of something that belongs to him. Never mind all the mean texts I have sent him over the last few months.... Oh geez I feel so panicky He doesnt want me but doesnt want anyone else to have me and doesnt want me to be happy because he is so frekin miserable
Jan 30 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Awe, SOI...

Has he answered any of your texts? Last time I checked he hadn't but I may have missed a post. I feel so out of touch.
Jan 30 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Nope. Nothing. He has been

Nope. Nothing. He has been very very quiet and that is what scares the hell out of me. You know what they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Im just hoping that he has so much supply now that Im off of his radar but I know I said some pretty mean things and he doesnt forget shit.