OK, I NEED SOME SUPPORT TODAY

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Jan 31 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

suck anymore blood from you

I dont know, I kind of miss getting messages telling me he cant talk right now because his GF is there but masturbated to me this morning, and will call me when he gets to work so he can talk filth, NOT NOT NOT. AND I checked my phone messages for THAT? WOW, HUGE mental damage on my part, I am so disgusted with myself that I allowed him to infiltrate my mind, that I was so weak and lonely that I had to revert to a psychopath to give me that kind of SICK attention. Basically I cut off a FREE sex hot line service to the bastard, the illusion died a LONG TIME AGO I am the sick one that wanted to keep it alive in my head, but I am going to get strong and healthy again.
Feb 1 - 9PM (Reply to #26)
Smarterthanever
Smarterthanever's picture

Free sex hotline

Oh my gosh! I am in the same boat. I could keep this thing going forever (even though he is back with his wife) if I use sex. Sadly,after my d&d on December 12, i was so desperate to keep him in my life, I was willing to do that. I seriously considered keeping our sex life going just to cling to some tiny (sick) piece of him. It actually gave me pleasure to know that although he confessed to his wife (at least in part) about me and "broke off" our year long affair, that he was still talking to me every day. Somehow in my sick twisted CD mind I was not completely losing out to the wife. Knowing he was still talking to me every day, still wanting sex from me, still telling me he loved me etc. She has no idea this is going on but believes he has given me up and is a changed man. Hahaha!!! He will never change!! After almost 2 months of holding on and dragging it out I'm starting to realize that he is just continuing to use me. Keep the wife and kids and have me just for sex. A win/win for him and a total lose for me. So today was day one (again...but hopefully for real this time of NC)
Feb 7 - 1PM (Reply to #27)
exhausted
exhausted's picture

My situation exactly! i am

My situation exactly! i am on day 5! Keep it up. At least you realize what you meant to him and know that you deserve better
Feb 7 - 4PM (Reply to #28)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

on day 5

Wait and see how you feel after two weeks, you will even feel better. I know there are many that really struggle with NC in the beginning, I WAS READY, SO READY to get rid of this filth from my life. I am starting to already see the changes from my old trained habits he had me in, for me it has gone rather quickly. I really have NO desire to call him, NOTHING at times I DO wonder if he was raged when I cut him off TOTALLY but then again, WHO CARES it is I that should be raged at what he did to me. That is where my focus is, ON ME, LOOK WHAT THIS BASTARD DID TO ME, its MY TURN to tell him to go to hell and that he is NOTHING in my life and I do that by TOTAL SILENCE!!!! It tells them you no longer want them, and you no longer care what they do, its a TOTAL rejection - I dont ever ever want a person in my life who has no conscience or remorse, that is a one way ticket to hell not to mention DANGEROUS. You hold on to that NC with all
Jan 31 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

.Yes you will get better it

.Yes you will get better it just takes time. Its kinda of weird but I'm thankful the nard dumped me. I'm not sure I ever would have done it. My addiction to him is that bad. He never talked filth to me honestly never once but he did send me a couple of pics and asked for some from me but that's it. he did such emotional damage in making me believe that he really loved me and wanted a life with me and then just one day would not speak to me anymore just like that. I have known this man 25 years I don't know why but I have this feeling he wants to ruin my life and that he is just waiting for the perfect time to do it. Nlb are you married? I ask because sometimes I feel comforted when I see other married people on here and it makes me feel like I'm not the only one
Feb 1 - 9PM (Reply to #25)
Smarterthanever
Smarterthanever's picture

I am married too!! As is he.

I am married too!! As is he. Promised me he didn't love her and would be leaving her for me. Lied to me about filing for divorce. After my husband filed N dumped me claiming he "had" to try and make his marriage work. "Didn't have peace living so selfishly" That has to be one of the funniest narc lines ever.
Jan 31 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

YES

I am married, you are not the only one, they LOVE married women especially the older narcs. making me believe that he really loved me and wanted a life with me Ya that was pretty much his con also only to find out he was a sexually depraved man. Your lucky you didnt get all the sick perverted nonsense, such a horrible degrading process to be viewed as nothing but a whore. I am actually very very shy in that area maybe that is why he tried to morally destroy me who knows, who cares. I never gave in to anything he wanted at least I can take that with me, I am sure many others have and he destroyed each and everyone of them as he did me mentally
Jan 31 - 11AM (Reply to #15)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

I know this is off topic for this thread, but

This statement struck me as interesting. I never considered that older Narcs would be more interested in married women. At first I thought maybe it was for the fact that "older" (meaning over 40?????)Narc men would no longer be able to wooo the perky 20 somethings and would have to find victims in their own age category (and I guess it makes more sense that there are more married ladies in this age bracket than single). But now it makes a lot more sense that an older male narc would target married women because as Narcs age, wooooing and abusing single ladies becomes less amusing as before. Theyv'e "been there, done that" before and now they crave the challenge and potential supply reward that comes with "stealing" a woman from her husband. But they don't really take into account that one can only do this when a marriage is going through a rough time and the wife is feeling vunerable in the first place. They are SICK, opportunistic VULTURES!!!!!!
Jan 31 - 1PM (Reply to #22)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

RIGHT ON

But now it makes a lot more sense that an older male narc would target married women because as Narcs age, wooooing and abusing single ladies becomes less amusing as before. Theyv'e "been there, done that" before and now they crave the challenge and potential supply reward that comes with "stealing" a woman from her husband. YOU GOT IT, EXACTLY!!!! Can you imagine what a DANGEROUS life that is also? He is hurting not only someones wife, but sister, daughter, grown childrens mother, OMG these men have lots and lots of enemies. They have broken up marriages, families, you name it they have done the damage. sick BASTARDS!!!!
Jan 31 - 2PM (Reply to #23)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

yes, dangerous indeed.

and for the simple fact that sometimes the narcs themselves have no idea who they are messing with. How the hell is a narc to know that a woman won't go psycho on him and snuff him out? Or her husband for that matter?? There's people out there that could be at the breaking point themselves and a narc could simply put himself at the wrong place in the wrong time. (Not that I wuold feel sorry for them.......)
Jan 31 - 2PM (Reply to #24)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

yes, they screw up everything.

My ex-N's father is a big time narc himself. He had three separate legitimate families (who knows how many were kept on the DL)and all of the children from them suffered greatly, including my exN. first wife= 2 girls, marriage didn't last very long. 2nd wife= 2 girls, 1 boy (my ex narc)lasted maybe 12 years. He cheated on her multiple times until she kicked him to the curb. N Sr. was at least 10 years older than wife #2. She was only 18. He hooked her young. 3rd wife=at least 15-20 years younger than Narc Sr. they had between them 4 kids. lasted about 10 years until the problems started up and Narc decided to seduce his 15 year old step daughter. He ended up in jail. Yes, they leave a wake of soul-death and emotional destruction. No wonder my ex narc was a fuck up.
Jan 31 - 12PM (Reply to #21)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

As Narcs age...

Sometimes, Ns/Ps seek younger, more vulnerable partners. I was D&D'd for the ex-Psych professor's long-distance girlfriend, who is a decade older than me (and only 5 years his junior) The ex-P identified with Leo Tolstoy&Arthur Schopenhauer, profoundly narcissistic men who BOTH got rejected by younger women. Schopenhauer was in his 40s when a teenaged girl he was smitten with turned him down. "Wooing and abusing single ladies becomes less amusing as before"-I think when the ex-P had his girlfriend (who was only 5 years younger than him, so she was his peer) move in with him, it was to show "see, I'm not a sicko who takes advantage of young female students, see I have a girlfriend, I'm a normal guy." There was a professor who had D&D'd a student girlfriend, only to impregnate and marry another woman... who had once been his student. It was his way of trying to look like he had a normal family life. The ex-P's colleagues weren't amused by how he treated me. No wonder he had to put on the husband/father/family man masks. He could no longer target younger female students... he had to go for a woman who was financially independent and about his age.
Jan 31 - 12PM (Reply to #16)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

well mine can get the twenty

well mine can get the twenty somethings but I think he is beginning to see that it seems a bit off to his peers I know I commented when I first started talking w him that I thought it was a bit odd plus with a married one he can always use her as part of the triangulation with the younger ones as they want to get married and have children so what better excuse than I'm trying get over my ex who was the love of my life but she's married that way he doesn't have to committ and he keeps the young one trying harder and harder to make him happy so he will get over the ex and commit to her. It might be kind of narcy to say but I bet there are all kinds of women in his town who know all about me and that I'm married and how his heart is broken
Jan 31 - 2PM (Reply to #17)
spinning
spinning's picture

The older ones target the partially available

supply sources... least that's been my take. When you're not around 24/7 you can't see the mask slip so easily. Plus it's fun and exhilirating to meet up for a tryst and then be done with it til next time. I think many younger women aren't as wounded by life experience and would go running into the night at first glance of the mask slipping. Older married women (or older in general, I was not married) are more comfortable with things, easy going, sure of themselves, less likely to be so demanding, etc. etc. I am generalizing here, I know, but I also know that it makes absolute sense that the older ones would target married women. They've likely been married themselves and know what buttons to push, etc. Also, by older I mean late 30s-40s, confident, strong, secure women who may be a little lonely and/or shy. FYI, mine was six years younger than me and married when he first sucked me in. He's now 47 and I'm quite certain his 'harem' included two middle-aged married women before me. I was single and wary (didn't know about the harem but knew about the wife); he worked it for six months before I even touched him. BIG MISTAKE as I had sworn I would never entangle myself with a married man ever again. It does not interest me. Anyhow, his wife left and then the real games began...if you do the math you can see I allowed him to steal some pretty significant years of my life as a woman. He professed undying, unconditional love from the get go. The mask started slipping as soon as he became "single." By then, I was so confused... To the community, please do not let these disordered people interfere with your primary relationship (if you're married, or your life partner). I was still in good communication with my ex-husband, working on a plan to perhaps cohabitate with certain conditions, when I let this psychopath put the final nail in the coffin of that relationship. I believed him when he said we would move to another state. I actually told my ex he could have the house... Please try to shift the focus onto your primary relationship and feel glad that you did not allow the devil himself (or herself) to alter the course of your life. I'm glad many of you are spared that realization and pain. Sincerely (still trying to stop) spinning

spinning

Jan 31 - 3PM (Reply to #18)
Journey
Journey's picture

This is what I've been noticing too

Sorry, I know this is off topic of the thread to continue posting about, but my ex's most recent target is older (40's) and married and I think the partial availability is a HUGE draw because it relieves him of so much responsibility to stick around when he's done with her. Younger women want to build their futures with the men they fall for and the illusion the narc must maintain to be a part of that seems to get harder to fake as the narc gets older. The energy it takes to keep that mask on would be so much more exhausting whereas with a married or older woman who isn't asking or expecting as much they can promise a lot less and get away with using them for supply longer before their mask gets too heavy to keep on. Journey on...

Journey on...

Jan 31 - 10PM (Reply to #20)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"You're making me old"

The ex-Psych professor had a long-distance girlfriend who was only 5 years his junior in LA... she was the one who eventually moved in with him, he got her pregnant... and when she was almost due, he married her... then his parents moved in to raise the kids (they crossed the country from New England to the Southwest) I think the woman who replaced me fit the profile of "an older woman who isn't asking or expecting as much as they promise a lot less." She was a curator. Financially independent&secure. "Younger women want to build their futures with the men they fall for&the illusion the Narc must maintain seems harder to fake as the Narc gets older"- The ex-P would often sleep in the library my junior year. During my junior year, he also got MUCH fatter... and by my senior year, during the final D&D, also those rumors of his alcoholism got validated when he had an off-campus class centered on drinking wine. He'd complain during class to his students my junior year because I was dating. He'd see me with younger men. And, unlike him, at least I was OPEN about it! ;) He'd say "You're making me old", and these two stand out "I'm standing in the way of you living your life" and "You don't want to be stuck with me the rest of your life." By the final D&D, I was 22 and he was 36, and had aged tremendously. A friend of mine observed his crows' feet, and that he had gotten out of shape. As one of my friends said (he emailed me recently, he's now in law school in Texas), it was TIRING for the ex-P to try to look human around me. I really REALLY made him work. I didn't become a fat, unattractive drunk he could easily dump. I've read here of Ns/Ps who work out&get themselves groomed&in shape for the new supply... the ex-P didn't do it for his girlfriend. He was drinking heavily (even after she moved in)... and he didn't bother to lose the pounds for her.
Jan 31 - 3PM (Reply to #19)
spinning
spinning's picture

Glad you see it, too...

In a weird way, though I wish all of us never had to see ANYTHING about these disordered "individuals." But I will say, Journey, at least we're now seeing the TRUTH of things and dealing from there. We both started posting around the same time, though I believe you've been out of the chaos for longer. I see your strength building and appreciate all you have to offer here. As you say...Journey on... ...I'll tag along and keep trying to stop spinning...;)

spinning

Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Oddly I don't why I never

Oddly I don't why I never was really the receipient of his perversions I know they exist because I saw glimpses of them. He tried to have sex with me and it started off almost like porn sex but when he looked me in the face he lost his erection. I don't know but I think he deemed me as a madonna. The only reason I think that is that is he said this isn't just sex for me. he has always commented about my having come from a good family and I have also been pregnant with his baby that's the only thing I can come up with. Its so strange because I know the pervision was just beneath the surface. I guess I should be thankful but it doesn't do much for your ego when a man looks at you and loses his erection
Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #10)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

Loss of erection

You were probably more the madonna in his eyes, dont feel bad mine would lose his erection too being his whore, ha ha ha
Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #14)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I don't know but for some

I don't know but for some reason I am a reminder of a life he left behind possibly a reminder of himself before he became quite so damaged. We had a relationship in our early twenties and I think his narcississm was just taking hold. I was the girlfriend but he cheated a lot. When we reconnected I brought all that up and he admitted it and said babe you have to believe me it had nothing to do with you it was about me being selfish and wanting everyone but you have to believe me I loved you. Eventually I saw unhappy I was making you and I let you go. Sometimes I think he was teling the truth there and sometimes I think it was just more bs who knows!!! But I do think he is somewhat self aware and that I just became another reminder of something else he screwed up.
Jan 31 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I don't know but for some

I don't know but for some reason I am a reminder of a life he left behind possibly a reminder of himself before he became quite so damaged. We had a relationship in our early twenties and I think his narcississm was just taking hold. I was the girlfriend but he cheated a lot. When we reconnected I brought all that up and he admitted it and said babe you have to believe me it had nothing to do with you it was about me being selfish and wanting everyone but you have to believe me I loved you. Eventually I saw unhappy I was making you and I let you go. Sometimes I think he was teling the truth there and sometimes I think it was just more bs who knows!!! But I do think he is somewhat self aware and that I just became another reminder of something else he screwed up.
Jan 31 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
Journey
Journey's picture

Sick of it

I think you might be giving him more credit than he deserves. "Eventually I saw unhappy I was making you and I let you go." Mine used this as an excuse to leave and it really does let them off the hook doesn't it? How can we accuse them of never really caring when they say they leave us because they do?! In order for you to be another reminder of something else he screwed up implies that HE CARES he screwed up. I just don't know if that is even possible anymore coming from a narc. Journey on...

Journey on...

Feb 7 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Journey

I think you are absolutely correct. Its suited him at the time to tell me that. He wanted to look noble and considerate and look like he was putting me when in actuality I had just run my course he was on to something more interesting.
Jan 31 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

nerverlookback

They ALL do terrible damage to us, I am 2 years out and only now recovering after seeing what a monster he really is and how he only used me as well, luckily it did not involve my money or I would be a bag lady now as we speak. It is a mental nightmare and we are now left to pick up the pieces, but I tell you this, I will go on to live a good and happy life while he can rot in HELL..that is my vow to myself.........We will show them WHO will have the best LIFE..............
Jan 31 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Oh and don't you worry he is

Oh and don't you worry he is going to hell I am sure of it