omg!

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Sparrow
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omg!

He made contact........I answered......help!

What is wrong with me? I was doing so good! uGH......

Scoop
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Hey sparrow , we have all
Hey sparrow , we have all done it , i think for a while i was the breaking NC queen , i was even bon the board for six months reading and learning all about narcs and then he hovered me back in for another round of idealization and D&D .My narc was so ful of contradictions swinging from "i love you dont leave me " to "youre too needy go away " and that could be in the space of an hour .. in fact i think his record was ten minutes here was the conversation Narc "i think im ready to move the relationship onto the next level as i love you so much " Me "oh my, i love you to so much " Him "i just can wate to get home and see you when im out and when i have to leave you in the morning i feel like my heart has been ripped out " Me "i wish we could just stay in bed all day " Him " having said that though scoop i dont really think we have a future , i said i didnt want anything serious with you " WTF ... the thing is Sparrow these men are fakes ,but that takes such a long time to sink in , i would oftern look back at that conversation above and think how i could have played it diffrently but the truth is it didnt matter what i said he is the mentaly ill one and im not , i was constently judging him as a normal person and once i started to really get he is a mentaly ill as they come the decision to stay away with NC was easyer . Take Saturday night , i was at a music even and was having an ok time and it was for charity so i felt i had to go although there was a real chance he and OW would turn up and sure enough he did , i took one look at him and i was out of that door and in my car quicker than you can say jack robinson , the next day , what do you know the cog diss was back , the anger and the ranting returned and although it lasted just a day it was enough to sure up my NC rule .. and i have been out of the relationship for 18 months now , in earlyer times i would have been on the floor for a good two weeks . Its when you tangerbly see and feel youreself recover that breaking nc really shows you just what a huge efect it has on you , i went from having peace to wanting to smash his face in with a bat again in the space of one second , What you have to do now is get a few more weeks of NC under youre belt , the longer you go the more you will heal and the less of an affect a hover will have on you .. That is why in the six steps program we say block him on youre phone , email , face book and any other way he has of talking to you this should be done as part of the nc rule , we say this because we know through experience that a narc will try and hover you and any contact puts youre healing back and not foward .. Keep strong and nc his sorry ares ... Scoop x
Sparrow
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Thanks Scoop!
Thanks Scoop!
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture
Hunter......... I know,
Hunter......... I know, right? Def not one of my better moments! I sit here shaking my head, but it's all good. Just gotta get back on that horse.
Littleone
Littleone's picture
Try not to beat yourself up
Try not to beat yourself up about it. Maybe it will help to think like a N in this situation- You've said something that wasn't exactly true because you had been partying. Now he'll think yes I've got her. He'll Hoover again and will get NO RESPONSE. narcissist injury inflicted! He'll be ignored again and that will really piss him off. You win he loses. Know what I mean? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off- he's shit after all. No biggie you broke no contact ( just don't do it again obviously). Is it really going to effect you and your healing? I wouldn't think so sparrow, your constantly the voice of reason on here. Your doing great, don't let a silly drunken moment get you down. It doesn't really mean anything after all does it, your done with him.
Sparrow
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Thank you Littleone........I
Thank you Littleone........I am trying not to beat myself up but it's hard. We are hardest on ourselves aren't we? I know me, and I know if I had seen that email, like many others, I would have ignored it completely. Note to self: DO NOT go on computer after a night out partying! I should put a HUGE note on my IPad saying "STAY OFF OF THIS UNTIL THE MORNING!!!!!!" I called my Mom this morning to tell her and she told me the same thing, that I was being too hard on myself. She, and you are probably right. Thanks again!
wacaet
wacaet's picture
Sparrow, it's ok that you
Sparrow, it's ok that you broke NC...it's what you do next that matters. Do you want to go back to hell or do you want to be free?
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture
Wacaet - Free...........for
Wacaet - Free...........for sure. As much as I adore him and want to help him (fix him) I know I can't, no one can. It's sad, very sad, but it is his reality......not mine, unless I let it be.
Sparrow
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All was fine........my
All was fine........my mistake was reopening my old email address. I have EVERYTHING linked to that address and it became a nightmare making all the changes with my bank account, credit cards, car payment, etc.........so I said "what the hell am I doing, I'm not going through all of this because of one man" and I shouldn't have to close an email account that I have had for 13 1/2 years! I knew he was trying to reach out to me, and I have been ignoring his attempts very well. Until last night..........the good thing is I DON'T believe him, not a word he tells me at this point. I am just so mad that I responded........back to square one. This reminds me of the game "Chutes and Ladders" remember how you got almost all the way to the top, and had to slide all the way back down to the bottom? UGH
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture
I went to the Jimmy Buffett
I went to the Jimmy Buffett concert with some friends, having a great time..........and when I got home I had an email from him telling me how he missed me, admitted that yes, he had been looking (Match.com) and has realized that I am "the one" and he doesn't need to look any further and that he misses me. I wrote him back (after a night of partying mind you)and told him that I missed him too. UGH... This sucks the big hairy one!!!!!!!! Damn it!!! Back to square one...what the hell!!!!
Hunter
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Ok not one of your better
Ok not one of your better moments! :) oh well... Hunter
FreeToBe
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Would you have gone to a
Would you have gone to a Jimmy Buffett concert with him in your life? Would you have had a great time with your friends? You were out happy and having a good time, only to come home and have him suck your happiness out again.
Sparrow
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I did have a great time last
I did have a great time last night for sure..........he didn't ruin it for me, just over shadowed a bit is all. I have to keep telling myself to not be so hard on myself and to not give him that power........take my own advice, right?
Goldie
Goldie's picture
So what happened Sparrow
Don't beat yourself, we have all been tempted or did break NC. Are you O.K? What happened? God bless, Goldie
Sparrow
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Thanks Goldie!
Thanks Goldie!
girlsinger
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sparrow
Hi there all is not lost what happened? be blessed K
Sparrow
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Thanks.........I'm done
Thanks.........I'm done kicking myself and am back on my horse! :)
Scoop
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There is no point in kicking
There is no point in kicking youre self up and im glad youre done , love youre self , treat youre self with such kindness right now . The way i did it was to think of the pace of life when you have a bad cold , and slow right down and look after you , do the bare mimimun , watch films , call friends , have that box of tissues close by and the sunglasses for outings , thats what you need to do for a good long while , metaphoricaly speaking you wrap youre slef in a blanket and not let the evil in ....We are here for you ... xxx