One year NC, why do I have this overwhelming....

He's been blocked from everything for one year!!! Before I even found this site...yay me!!! I blocked him from continually hoovering me after I found out about OW. Then I became a cyber stalker for a short time before I completely feel apart, but didnt break NC.

For some reason I have this overwhelming desire to snoop on his Facebook page. I can do it through my kids' profiles, but I haven't, yet. The feeling started yesterday..believe me I know better. That's why I'm posting...just to let the feeling pass.

For the newbies who don't know my story, I pretty much lost everything for the crazy toxic NARC. I'm still processing things he said/did, and I see it in a completely different way now. But I have to admit that I am very fortunate because my dad, the original narc, stepped up to help me through this horrible part of my life. I was able to move away...it was the best thing I could have ever done!!!

My exh (hes not the narc, but very troubled..we once went 6 years without having sex..no wonder I was a sitting duck for crazy narc)) is getting married..told my kids the morning they went back to visit. I kinda felt bad for them because they didn't even have a chance to get used to being in her house. Then they worried about me while they were gone.

I have to say that although I have pretty much nothing (comparatively) my life hasn't been better in 20 years. I am starting to feel happiness and joy:-) I have good days and bad days, but more good days now. what I want to tell the newbies is if I got through this you will too. please be patient and kind with yourself..take baby baby steps..expect good days and days were you don't feel like getting out of bed. It is/was a very difficult journey. We are SO worth it.

Thanks again for all of you:-)