The only thing I struggle with...still

I'm reading a book right now that talks about finding the meaning of life, and not in this grandiose way, but celebrating and learning where the meaning of life is, in everyday life.

It got me to thinking, that the only thing I still struggle with (besides some residual trust issues) is...letting go of hanging onto the anger I have, over the time I lost with the narc experiences in my life, especially the last one.

And it's not just the time spent WHILE dating him. It's the time spent on analyzing him, and all the pain that went into that, to get to where I am, now.

On the one hand, I tell myself, it was not time 'wasted.' But, rather I grew from it. That the experience was permitted by God to happen, to finally get me to heal from my childhood wounds.

But, then, I still struggle...and even cry on some days, over the time 'lost,' and how I wish I could have learned my lessons differently.

In reading tresor's thread this morning, about her ex finding a 'cash cow and he's happy happy happy,' I read her sorrow too, in all the time she 'wasted' on that man.

I can easily write back to someone, it wasn't time wasted, for you grew and learned, and healed from other areas of your life. But, when it comes to myself, I can't seem to apply that same advice. :(

How can I get rid of this? I have prayed about it. It helps substantially. But, I still fester about it. I still wake up, feeling like parts of my life just slipped away from me. Slipped away from time with my kids. I can't undo it, I can only move forward. I'm over 'him.' I'm past all of that.

But, it's been hard, this final 'thing' that seems to be holding me back. I can't seem to let it go.

Please help me get past this.