please dont be mad..

yep. that's exactly what they think. because often times, we have broken nc...or gone back. (i didn't go back, and never asked for him back, but he probably thought i would) so..mean it, stick with it...and life will get sweeter!! dress up as a warrior princess or something for halloween. lol that would be appropriate.

you sound in better spirits already!! that is good. you will have good and bad days. just don't cave on the bad days. that's the trick. then you'll have more and more good days. regarding him being obsessed. no, not WITH ME. He is obsessed with losing. he lost. i won. in his eyes. although, he's right. lol i did win by dumping his ass!

I love your username, by the way. :=) And your picture...so pretty! Regarding will he eventually give up. Interestingly, they somehow always end up remaining, if only on the peripheral. Here's what happened with my ex...to give you an idea. I broke things off with him, about 6 months ago. He went from anger, to asking for me back, all in the same weekend. Got back together with him. Less than 24 hours later, he was worse than he was before. lol If you can imagine. I didn't tell him at that point, it was over. I jsut stopped replying to his calls, and texts, and he sent me a scathing text that he 'got the message,' that apparently it's over. He then went back to calling me every name in the book. I was once on a website, that we both belonged to. He would bait me there Say nice things. Say demeaning things. Post porn. lol All in silly attempts to get reactions. (Hunter remembers this well, lol sorry Hunter for dredging this all up hahahaha!) I NEVER GAVE HIM A REACTION ONLINE. I have pride. ;) People were astounded by the fact that I didn't stoop to his level, and at the same time, probably hoped I would, so they'd have some exciting drama to watch. (these were ex friends of mine, some I met in real life, others through the site) Then he called me one day. I texted him back. (broke NC) I said...did you call? He replied...I dialed your number by mistake. lol See what I'm showing you here? The dance never ends. Was this his way of showing me he missed me? I don't know. But, it was his way of crying out for my attention, in hopes I'd reply...and then he could smash me down with insults again. This 'dance' went on for a few more times I broke NC. I don't use FB, but I heard through our friends at the time, that he was bashing me on FB to anyone who would listen. By that point, two full months had passed since the breakup. I broke NC AGAIN. Asking him why he was acting like this. He proceeded to really insult me through text then. Then, I got involved with someone. He found out about it. He then got involved with someone. I'm starting to think it was just to get over me. Not that I'm that great, mind you. But, I know him, and I got the sense he was using her, from what friends were telling me. Ok. So, he dated her...and he would still say little mean things about me on his FB. I'm thinking...this man is dating someone else, and talking about me openly on his FB? LOL Good lawd. At that point, I was in the anger stage, EJ. I was angry that he was trying to ruin my reputation. But, I maintained NC. Then, time went on, and I found out he broke up with his gf. Then, I decided about a month ago, to change my cell phone number. The groupies/ex friends of mine, were taking up my time, talking about him. I couldn't listen to the crap anymore. I truly was over him, but if I was ever going to move on...I had to end those relationships I had with those people. Then, one friend I forgot, had my home number. She called me very recently...like what, a few weeks ago? To share with me that the ex N has been trying to reach me...(my number's been changed) That he said I was a 'stuck up cunt.' hahaha Oh brother. See? STILL TRYING TO BAIT ME. We are into 6 months now, since the breakup, and he's still baiting me. But, the difference between now and then, is...I see it for what it is. I see him for what he is. And I just laugh and move on with my day. I stay away from the website we once shared. I don't have FB. And changed my number. We don't live in the same city, so, I don't fear him showing up at my door. Let's hope he never does that. Point is. He isn't interested in ME, as a person. He's interested in getting my attention, and knocking me down a few pegs. I won, he lost--in HIS eyes. He's all about winning. I was a very different type of woman than he's used to being with. I had class...and he doesn't. I wouldn't chase him, and beg for him back, like he claimed others in his past did. Not sure if those were lies. Don't care. But, I'm not like them. So, his baiting tactics now? To me? Are nothing more than attempts to GET BACK AT ME. NOT GET BACK WITH ME. lol And that is what yours may do, when he realizes you're done with him. You are done with him, riiiight? ;) But, here's the thing. In the beginning, we all wanted in some strange way, to be hoovered. Because we have the wrong idea about hoovering. We think it's about us. About them announcing their undying love for us. NOPE. It's about their undying need for attention...or for pay back. They are big on revenge. They are big on making us pay for what they perceive as wrong doings. Be on your guard. Stay busy. Get a hobby that takes up your time, and find yourself again. Right now, you are coming out of something that took up a lot of your energy and time. In not so good ways. It takes time to recreate your life, but you will...please stay NC. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAY NC. He will eventually get another gf. And you will have a lot of mixed emotions when that happens. But, as time goes on, you will feel pity for the new girl, and you won't feel pangs of jealousy. For what she will have inherited, is a mess. THEY DON'T CHANGE, EJ. THEY JUST CHANGE WOMEN. Sorry to give such a long reply, but I hope it helps to see...from my experience, that hoovering isn't a good thing. It's actually a very bad thing, when you wrap your mind around what it truly is.

You sound like such a sweet soul, seriously. I ache for you that this jerk put you through this. I ache for all of the ladies and men on here who have been through what we have. :=( But, that said. YES, IT DOES GET BETTER. IT GETS BETTER THAN BETTER. :=) But, only if you stay NC. Truly. There's no other way to bring yourself out of where you are. It's like a life preserver. Here is what you will feel, and this might help you know you're feeling normal as you walk through this: 1) FEAR ...You will feel fearful that he's moved on for good. That he hates you. That he never loved you. And to that I say, ride it through. STAY NC. 2) SADNESS 3) ANGER...you will get here, and might linger here for a little while. lol I did. I think that the anger comes in as to why we allowed a man to 'dupe' us. But, this too shall pass. 4) BOREDOM...this is important. I think that when a narc leaves our life, and all that crazy making drama dies down...we are truly bored. Or so we think. But, actually, relish that silence. For that is the sound of peace. :=) We forget what peace 'sounds like' when we're dating a narc, for they rob us of peace, for sure. 5) PEACE...this to me is the stage you'll get to after some time of complete and utter NC. NC meaning not just cutting off contact with him, but contact with people who want to talk about him. They need to go, for they mean you harm. Truly. I think that we have to stop candy coating the intentions of others. The groupies of narcs, all they want is to be patted on the head by him, and be dutiful little soldiers. lol And part of their mission will be to keep reminding you of him. IF THERE'S ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE THAT RESEMBLES THIS...KICK THEM OUT. GO NC ON THEM TOO. I eventually had to change my cell phone number, because the groupies of the narc kept stirring drama and impeding my healing. If you ignore him from now on...to answer your question...you will feel all those emotions as you go along. But what will he do? He will hoover, no doubt. Or bait you. If you're friends with the jerk on FB, he'll taunt you there. SO UNFRIEND HIM, WOULD BE MY ADVICE. AND UNFRIEND ANYONE WHO IS FRIENDS WITH HIM SO YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT HE'S WRITING. TRUST ME!!!!!! YOU MUST DO THIS. I sound crazy. lol But, I have been through such crap with my ex, and only by ignoring him, and the groupies (once mutual friends), did I find peace. He will leave you sappy voicemails. Emails...texts. He will ask for you back. He will call you names. He will do a variety of things, to GET YOUR ATTENTION. He doesn't want a healthy relationship with a woman. That's what you need to learn from him and this. He only wants to abuse women. He only wants sex and his needs met...and if he has to pretend to be in love...and say the things you need to hear...he will. I hate to sound so ...cynical. But, really, when it comes to narcs. They are what I describe. You are dealing with a bad guy. You must remove him from your life, before he destroys it. I know you can do this!!

We ALL have our stories here and it is a value to share so we can learn from each other, so I share my story in the hopes to keep others from continuing on the path to nowhere with these disordered fools. I have stated it earlier and will say it again- these PDI's never change, and never "get better", ever. The longer we stay, the WORSE it gets with them because the more crap we accept, the more they dish out. It starts small with the abuse, and it ALWAYS escalates. This is what they do, this is WHO THEY ARE- abusers. love~ Layla

: ) In answer to your question about blocking him, I knew it was "final" with him when I did it and I felt really good about it at the time so it was easy for me. You might now say to yourself, "well, it was easy for Layla, so of course SHE thinks it is not big deal and everyone should find it easy".....allow me now to explain why it was easy, and why I am so adamant to you younger women to get out while you can- My abuser I was married to and we were together for 8 years. HE got WORSE and WORSE over the years and I SAW how he never changed and was NEVER going to change. Lies, manipulations and silent treatments turned into punching walls and screaming in my face, him leaving the house and not coming home for two days whenever HE felt like it with no explaination, EVER.....then he started punching me, lying and drinking and acting like a lunatic, no letting me leave the room and blocking me while he would verbally harass me, waving knives at me.....I could go on and on...he has raped me, he has drugged me and anally raped me and took pictures. Can you imagine my horror at finding those and not remembering??? One night he violently raped me and tried to strangle me to death.....by the grace of God I broke free and go out of the house. He received probation for this offence! A mere slap on the wrist! My point here is not to make anyone feel sorry for me! I'm a tiger, I am getting stronger everyday and have always been strong, I was simply beated down and brainwashed by a PDI, it can happen to anyone. My point here is this- these clowns ONLY GET WORSE over time, and the more we put up with- the more they dish out! YOu CAN'T KNOW everything your abuser is capable of!!! So there in a nutshell is my answer. NC was easy because I had ALLOWED it to get so bad that death was better than living anymore- Do you want that??? love~ Layla

what he will do. It doesn't matter because you are going to only focus on what you are going to do, which is stay away and have NO CONTACT. Right?