1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. Please pray I stay strong

Please pray I stay strong

12 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 8 - 12PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Please pray I stay strong

I don't mean to clutter up the board with my problems today. I didn't think this 'fit' with the narc bet...(although that is funny)...and the other threads.

I am so tired. I am actually not feeling well...this whole thing has made me sick. I know it's from this. Because I have been shaking lately. Shaking before I call him. Shaking during our fights. Shaking before I check my messages. Ugh--no way to live life!

If only I could be a good enough gf! I am just feeling down. I feel like just ending this...verbally saying...IT'S OVER. WE'RE DONE.

I don't like how he thinks I wasn't supportive. The irony is that he told me 'none' of his ex's were supportive during his out of state jobs. How odd I thought. Now, living through this...he plays control games. They probably could never reach him...and wondered ...wtf? And he probably told them he can't take calls...or text. Meanwhile, ignore the shit out of him, and he'll text you all day!

I just feel down. :( Thanks for listening.

Apr 8 - 2PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

I am praying for you..but

I am praying for you..but like I said you will be fine..we all went through this and got pass a lot of pain..i dont doubt at all your weak..you are extremely stronger than you think

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Apr 8 - 2PM
momoya
momoya's picture

D-

Just curious to ask if you have posted your story yet in Share Your Story? it would be great to really get an idea of this situation and how it all began, etc. I wish you the best! I know it's hard to pull out of it. I would advise to turn off your phone like you said the other day it gives you a sense of relief. )hugs(

momoya

Apr 8 - 1PM
really
really's picture

What helped me was

What helped me was remembering, like you said, that he didn't want ME per se, he wanted someone just to be there. It's all about the attention, a captive audience, and saying/doing whatever he needs to to keep the audience. It's a lot easier to try to keep someone around than go find someone new who will perform to the level he needs them to. And it's such an investment just to find someone who will "stick" and then to "train" them in the way he needs. WAY easier to keep saying whatever he has to say to you. Like me, you were just THERE. Other people have been smart enough and strong enough NOT to be THERE. It sucks to know that, but it is true. That's what helped me stay away. You are doing great!
Apr 8 - 12PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Deidre40

I was having the same problems. I knew he was wrong and I would have shakes and so much more. My therapist told me that metelling myself it's over is too hard on me and I don't need to. She told me to just make a goal when I have the urge to tell myself that I will wait 5 min if I have overwhelmin desire to text or call. When those 5 minutes are over ten I will take another 5 an the insane intense feeling does pass. Now I get up and just tell myself that I'm not contacting him today. That's all. I do that everyday. It's final I know, but to have that in my head hurts too much. You can do it! Stay strong!
Apr 8 - 12PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Deidre40

I was having the same problems. I knew he was wrong and I would have shakes and so much more. My therapist told me that metelling myself it's over is too hard on me and I don't need to. She told me to just make a goal when I have the urge to tell myself that I will wait 5 min if I have overwhelmin desire to text or call. When those 5 minutes are over ten I will take another 5 an the insane intense feeling does pass. Now I get up and just tell myself that I'm not contacting him today. That's all. I do that everyday. It's final I know, but to have that in my head hurts too much. You can do it! Stay strong!
Apr 8 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

what's funny...is not one

what's funny...is not one single text...has he said...i am sorry for hurting you. Not one!!!! And I don't need the apology. I do know that these texts...and the subsequent calls to follow...are all about what he wants. He wants a relationship. Not me. I mean, yeah, he thinks I'm beautiful...etc..But, he just wants someone there. Someone to beat up emotionally when he has a bad day. Here's what's hard. Not ridding our lives of Narcs. I don't think that's what's hard. It's reprogramming our minds to a 'new' normal. That is what's hard. For me anyways. I want to so badly...slip into the abyss with him again...believe all of his words. His latest text...''Dee...please...I'm trying here. Let's stop arguing, and be lovey dovey again.'' I want to believe him. I want to see him again. :=( Gosh, this sucks. I was strong this morning. Now, I'm typing and crying. But! I know. In my heart of hearts. If I take his call. If I go back in...the cycle will repeat. All of what is happening today, is part of the cycle. I've seen it before. When I don't call back after he hangs up..and he freaks...and sends a flurry of texts. Same thing, different day. But, oh how this aches. So, he's not really interested in restoring something special. He is only interested in restoring control.
Apr 8 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
Journey
Journey's picture

No apologies necessary!

About weeping that is... I am so sorry that what initially showed such promise has turned out to be the opposite. I am glad you know that taking his call will continue a dysfunctional cycle. "He is only interested in restoring control" - yes, keep repeating that to yourself to help remain strong. You are not the same woman as you were the last time you needed us, you are growing in strength and awareness! Shaking your 'old perspectives' having come from an abusive past will happen moving forward. You will not continue to attract these losers because the more you are learning now and caring for your needs now, the closer to attracting healthy relationships you are becoming. ((hugs))

Journey on...

Apr 8 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

An remember

The actions should match the words! That doesn't seem to be happening! Idealk
Apr 8 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

D, you are taking

the first baby step. You need to say 'IT'S OVER, I'M DONE' to yourself and OWN IT. MEAN IT. If you're not really done these feelings you're having will just continue. You know you have not been a 'bad gf.' You know that the problems aren't about you. As long as you engage with this guy you will continue to have the confusion and the self-doubt. You know that, too. Like Ideal says, give it a few days...you will feel better. Try to shift the focus onto what you need to make YOU feel better right now; to get some peace of mind. Read Lisa's blogs, I know you did that yesterday and remember how good that felt? How many things clicked? How there was power in that?? Big hug to you, D. You can do it. You are going to be glad you did. Honest. sincerely (slowing down again from) spinning

spinning

Apr 8 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Steph
Steph's picture

spinning is so right: "You

spinning is so right: "You need to say 'IT'S OVER, I'M DONE' to yourself and OWN IT. MEAN IT." Until you end this and go NC, the healing can't begin. He will just continue to drag you down. Take that first baby step! xoxo
Apr 8 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

D

Of couse you feel down, why woulnt you? Be glad your not wife # 5 You've made the right choice for you! In a few days you will feel better! Idealk