Please someone can give an opinion on this?

What is the difference between "the silent treatment" and "no contact?" The person practicing it. If the person practicing silence is a pathological, the "silent treatment" is designed to punish and humiliate and hurt. If the person practicing silence is trying to protect herself against a pathological who only demeans, humiliates, abuses and uses her -- then the silence is "no contact" in an attempt at self-preservation. Now we get to the core of the meaning of pathological behavior. A pathological takes normal behaviors and twists them into unhealthy mechanisms to hurt & destroy others. For example. When I was at the limits with my N & he knew he was losing control over me & I was leaving, he wanted to go to family therapy. Therapy is a good thing -- you might think. However, my N saw it as a means of further controlling me by duping me into believing that he wanted to work on the relationship & he would get me to stay for his nefarious uses. The pathological cons the victim by using heathy & normal human emotions and needs but the end result is just the opposite. So, even more examples. My N was using the therapist as a "proxy abuser" against me. The therapist who name was Lynn said: "Of course he cannot speak to you when he's upset. He's 'flooded' with emotion and needs to cool down for awhile before there can be constructive engagement." So we would go home and there would be another abusive episode. N would go on a rampage. Then he would start the "silent treatment." I would try to talk with him and end the dispute. try to bring peace. He would say: "Lynn says I'm flooded. I can't talk to you." SO he would remain 'flooded' for three days until he wanted something (sex or money or a wife public appearance for his image) and he would be unflooded. I think a person is 'flooded' with emotion for an hour or two. It has to do with adrenalin. But I read if a person remains furious for more than a hour or two, they are deliberately stoking the fire of anger. The adrenalin that creates anger evaporates after a short while because the body cannot sustain that intensity. So the N took the therapist's well-meaning advice that a person in anger is 'flooded' and should cool down a bit and twisted it as a justification with the imprimatur of the therapist so as to make his abuse by "silent treatment" actually a healthy human behavior. Meanwhile he was enjoying hurting, humiliating and demeaning me. And, if he was successful, he would have me believing that his abuse of me was actually a very healthy activity and his silence was actually helping our relationship to improve. The N/abuser gets the victim to bend over, take the abuse with a smile. The victim helps facilitate the abuse. That's brainwashing. That's pathological behavior. Now. Let's turn the page. I knew my N was using the therapist as a proxy abuser. I was plotting my escape on the side. Arranging a place to go, saving money (he took all of my income). Sometimes I refused to engage with his circular agruments, verbal abuse and just ignored his temper tantrums. Then he would start with the concept of "stonewalling" which was discussed in a book which the therapist recommended. "Stonewalling" means ignoring the other partner and is a symbol of "contempt" which is a death toll in a relationship (according to the book). So when I tried to disengage from the N so as to not be caught in another abusive episode for another three days, N would wail: "You are stonewalling me! You are acting with contempt! You are destroying our relationship! here I am in therapy. reading these books. And YOU! YOU ARE DESTROYING OUR REALTIONSHIP WITH YOUR CONTEMPT & STONEWALLING!" I would fall into the trap & start talking because what he said made sense (sorta) for healthy people. But we were not healthy. He was an abuser and a personality disordered person. So I would start talking in an attempt to have a normal relationship where issues were resolved and people lived in relative comfort and peace. But the N would take my engagement and use my engagement as the fuel for his verbal, emotional, pshychological (sometimes physical) abuse. And then nothing would ever be resolved ebcause it cannot be where there is a pathological in the equation. And the failrue to resolve the issue would be all MY FAULT because I failed to communicate adequately. So this is the difference between the "silent treatment" and "no contact." The silent treatment is a form of abuse. The no contact rule is a means of self-preservation. And you can see how the pathological twists everything. When my N was doing the "silent treatment" he was "flooded" and needed to be silent according to his therapist to save our relationship. When I was trying to not engage in abusive and circular arguments by disengaging, I was "stonewalling" and destroying our relationship. A pathological takes a healthy mechanism and uses it for an unhealthy purpose. This is why cnacer is called a pathological disease. It is created by the the body--a cell. And it reroduces by division as all cells. but it is a malignant cell which will destroy all the healthy cells by its rapid division/reproduction. it crowds out all the healthy cells. The malignant cell does nothing to help the body function. It takes up space & kills the body. But it is of the body. The same with a pathologically disordered man. He's a malignant being destroying another human being. Pathologically disordered people say they want a relationship. They want love. They love you. But what they are saying/doing is the opposite. Relationship = a woman at hand for sex, money and services (secretarial/domestic); a mommy subsitute who provides for adult needs (sex & money) where mommy provided breast milk; relationship = unconditional love for the N & full-time care as if he were a child who gives little or nothing but the joy of his being. Love = more of the same, that is, full-time maintenance no matter what he says or does. "I love you" = YOU get to be my madonna/whore & punching bag when I feel like venting my spleen. If the N told you the truth of what he wanted, any woman would run for the hills. So he says the OPPOSITE and despite all his abuse, those few crumbs of niceness he throws out keeps her hooked. Probably because there was somebody in her childhood who ran hot & cold and as a child she had to hang in there. So as an adult she hangs in there with Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. Aceonlady. You have been away from this jerk for a long time. You are in another country. A beautiful country. You have so much more than this jerk you met on the internet. Everything you had with him on the internet was your own imagination which he seized on and let you believe that he was the man of your dreams. And you came to the States and he SAVAGELY abused you. He wrote two weeks ago because he was at a loose end. They always come back if you let them. And then he will disappear again. You must put this man in the past & move on. I should listen to my own advice. But I have no feeling for my N. I only try to understand why & how I was dupped to participate in my own degradation.

At the same time we should put it in the context of the relationship. Who was hurt and abused? And who abused? Also we do not hover, we do not manipulate, we do not calculate. We are geniune and sincere. We do not play mind game. I'll say that their ST is a mind game. Our NC is a medicine.

NC is necessary, for you to survive and heal! NC is not put in to place to punish our narcs, it's put into place to protect us, the victim of the narc. When the narc goes NC, it is as a punishment. They want to hurt us badly and the silent treatment is the worst punishment out there, honestly. That my friend, is the difference. And never feel quilty about NC. He doesn't deserve your guilt. Stay strong!