poems

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#1 Mar 21 - 10PM
cassiemay
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poems

I express my feelings through poetry. I have many accumulated but just thought i'd share this latest. If others write as well please share. I'm not looking for compliments, just an expression of our feelings....

"STORM"

Black and blue skies sweep, wind howling with ominous warning.
As the funnel forms debris is strewn every direction.
It seems to last a lifetime, and consequences do.
In reality it passes like hail, broken lives created by wind.
Then silence, the destruction revealed.

"We will rebuild". For some it works, together.
For many there is loss undeserved, questions of meaning, prayers for redemption.

Songbirds pick one stick at a time, flying to nests and singing.

Mar 27 - 12AM
cassiemay
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couple more

I was reviewing my own journaling and found a couple of old poems or "stories' I had written. So interesting to go back. So painful too. This one, amazingly to me, was written 2 years ago. Guess I need to remind myself of what I realized then. It didn't even occur to me then that he might be an "N"., so all the more interesting. I hope this might help someone. "AS I SEE IT' When I was a positive projection of him....attractive, good cook, healthy, amusing, independent, I was Beloved. Afterall, I was his Extension. He looked better with me. After many years of performing well, when I was not so, gaining weight, not exercising as He saw fit, drinking too much, depressed or ill, then I was disapproved. After all, I had Nothing to be depressed about. Financial security. Any choice I wanted (as long as he approved and I did not object to his). When I did not behave in a manner which was acceptable, I was wrong. Laughed too loudly, too loosened up, even too cheerful and not serious enough about "what needs to be done". Fishing, camping, dinner out, a walk with the dog together? "There are things that must be done". I, and my "irresponsible ways" began to be reviled. When I reacted against this, showed some small token of independence or argument, mentioned any of my needs, I became a bitch, a nag, ungrateful. Finally, predictably, as depression and alcohol use increased I became unlovable, an embarrassment to be rid of ASAP. A failure. No room for failure here. No room for separate identity. No room for problems he couldn't "fix". The more I caved, the more dysfunctional it all became. Rejection led to my rebellion and anger, which led to further rejection...... How could it be about Him? Wasn't I obviously the one with the problems? Look at me. Just look. Who wouldn't agree? What more did I want? "YOu threw it all away." There was no thought of looking within himself, my demands were the problem. He was doing it All now. And no one was meeting his needs anymore. So....a problem with which to be dispatched. And a solution waiting in the wings, offering all that I could not: needy and willing to accept with gratitude that which he offered. No history here, no problems here. no insight, no attempt at reevaluation, no time taken to gain either. The Answer! Close the door on it all. Good times and years no longer mattered. So much water under the bridge. Obviously a mistake from the beginning. A search by him for the "signs". External reinforcement from those who knew me briefly, not at all, or had a vested interest. This made it right and justified. What else was to be done? I obviously was hopeless, and Always Had Been. Too bad he didn't see it sooner. Should have known. He knew this scenario his whole life: father, mother, brothers. All needy or not willing to reciprocate. I was the ultimate point for anger, some appropriate, much displaced, yet still at a head. He could finally take action against it ALL! Maybe yet another move would help too. Another door closed. A new start! We are all complicated. We all have histories. wE all have stoies with endings not yet written.
Mar 22 - 3PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Poems

CM - what a beautiful poem! It's really powerful. Thanks for sharing. I did write lyrics to a song I'm about to release that I think you will relate to and I do have another poem I'll post here as soon as I find it! :)
Mar 27 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
cassiemay
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one more....hope you all don't mind...

"for colleen" Maybe there are things one can never understand. Unfathomable. Searching for answers may be a waste of time, more importantly, a waste of the present moment. So easy to forget that time stops fo no one. The present isn't always pleasant, And while the future relentlessly rolls on the most we can hold are intentions: one at a time, one day at a time. Along the way we have love shared, animals cherished, the everyday miracles of nature. Gratitude too, for each small blessing. Perhaps with these we can wake up tomorrow, with Intention.
Mar 27 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
cassiemay
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last one tonight

"NEVERLAND" I pray that I may never go there again. Hopelessness, helplessness, unfathomable to continue. No words suffice, life shouldn't be thus. Today, the river flows on, the birds trill, dogs cavort, and friends still share their stories. Thankfully, the flower opens itself to light.
Mar 27 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

CassieMay

Your poetry is absolutely beautiful. Really moving. "Neverland" - love it. Please keep sharing. I will find the one poem I am proud of and post it asap. I can't believe I can't find it! Shame on me. I hid it so well, that I can't find it myself. lol
Mar 27 - 4AM (Reply to #4)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

CassieMay, all you have

CassieMay, all you have written is wonderful. On Facebook, I joined a group called Anti Narcissism Coalition. I noticed the pictures of all the members : what a bunch of BEAUTIFUL people! All REJECTED and hurt. And reading here, reading what you wrote, and what others wrote, I think : what a bunch of wonderful people! They ARE mad....for what they have lost. And they have lost a lot. And they will never get it back. Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. (Emotional Abusers- Heartless Bitches International)
Mar 28 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
cassiemay
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thanks for those who find this healing...about animals....

STEADY We're climbing higher, towards the sky and treeline. Yellow grasses wave. Beautiful and yet... What ascends must descend. Heart racing, legs tightening, panic swelling: "I can't do this"". Take a breath, several, deeply. "Trust". I close my eyes briefly and 1200 pounds with feet like gray platters, a demeanor as calming as stars, and eyes reflecting infinite patience carry me. His name is Charger, and charge he can. More importantly, he simply, safely, serenely, escorts. Doing whatever is necessary, never a complaint but for a whisk of the head. Such a gift! Trust does not exist alone, should never be underestimated. One with each other is not undue romancing. Briefly, I trust again. An earthy, warm velvet nose receives a kiss. Inhale! No smell so sweet.
Mar 29 - 12AM (Reply to #6)
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

Sorry, I've got a forum!

WINDOW A cool wind blows in, a smatttering of rain. Horses the next pasture over feel the spirit.. "Who are you? Chase Me! Chase me! But don't get too close or I'll buck in your face, and if that doesn't do it, I'll turn faces on and rear, just to let you know who's boss here. Ah, but the pleasure is in the chase. Round and round, manes, hooves, tails flying. Gradually, things settle. Nose to nose, grazing quietly togehter.
Mar 29 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
cassiemay
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forum continued.....sorry :-)

SPITTING "I'm so mad I could spit", my mother often said. I wondered. How odd. I never saw her spit. No foaming either. Now I think of llamas: hissing, spitting, kicking. Or bears, frothing. Or myself, spitting angry words. Spitting mad: "I spit in your face! I spit on you! I spit on your grave!" "Ptooh!" My niece spits well....aim and distance. I'm trying to learn her trick. It's funny, most of the time, and effort well spent. Especially when You're "spitting mad".
Mar 29 - 12AM (Reply to #8)
cassiemay
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can you take more?

SURRENDER As a child, I skipped and danced and sang through woods. Trees with a peculiar branch, the music of water cascading through rocks, squirrels darting treasure to treasure, birds flying, soaring, singing for life touched me. My spirit knew intuitively....Miraculous! With age I lost primeval wisdom: exchanged for lists, losses, even love. And I, too close a friend with grief, was lost. With surrender the miraculous appeared once more. And with humility and grace, again my spirit soars.
Mar 30 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
Lisa E. Scott
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CassieMay

Hi CM, Your poems are beautiful. I apologize for the delay in responding, but I was in the studio all weekend. I finished my album, Gotta Get It Out. Can't wait for you all to hear it. You are such a great writer. Very powerful. I love this line: With surrender the miraculous appeared once more. And with humility and grace, again my spirit soars.