punishing and resenting you for frustrations with old supply and loss of control
punishing and resenting you for frustrations with old supply and loss of control
I know this sounds like I'm a horrible person
But in the midst of moments of despair the only thing that keeps me going is that I know how miserable he is going to make either ns or os if that's where he's gone back to !
When I start to feel those sad feelings about all the good times and the hope I felt and the thought that now he's going to be doing and saying all those things to someoene else I just stop myself and think but eventually and probably sooner rather than later if its his ex because she is very old supply, he is going to give them that gut wrenching confused feeling that I lived with for so long.
His ex must have had it before so why after more than 2 years out shed want to go back to that I ddont know. I wouldn't now and its only been 3 weeks out ! But I know that if he's persistent enough there is a chance she could fall back under his spell.
With me what I've come to realise is that he was tooing and froing between me and the ex and at tims his rage and anger towards me was nothing to do with me I think it was because he was losing control of us both or getting frustrated with having to keep up the pretence to us both and I think what I could see was resentment that he couldn't hide for long.
Now I think that the next supply, whether that be his ex or new will have to pay for my "sins" and he will soon turn his anger and resentment towards them. I understand that about him now. So though I wouldn't wish the pain and misery he inflicts on my worst enemy (actually my worst enemy is him so I would ! Lol ) I can't help but feel I can sit back and say well that's all the validation I need and sorry my love but you got the booby prize.
I'm not bitter and I'm not a hateful person but its just what I know and how I feel and I'm sorry but it just helps me through this to know that he is going to go on to do this to someone else while I know I will never treat a person like that or have anyone treat me like that again.
Does anyone else feel that ns pays for the "sins" of old supply ? Like they take out the frustrations that they felt by not being able to control the old supply out on the new ? There were definately times when he raged at me and I got the silent treatment when I can now see it was a link to what was going on with his ex like she was trying to have minimal contact with him and wouldn't let him round the house and was not taking any of his shit and calling the shots so then out of the blue I'd get a D&D and then hed start throwing in my face that he didn't see his kids or he couldn't go to his house where his kids were and it was all because of me. Well it wasn't ! Whatever went on there
was between them and it was his doing. He was a useless father. Never had no time for them even when they were together !
I also see in hindsight now that he resented his loss of control over her life and when she started to go out and he couldn't stop her after years of never letting her out when they were together he resented me because he was caught between still wanting to control me and knowing that he couldn't fully control her anymore because then I might have fond out his game.
I think I took a lot of D&D's and abuse and silent treatment because of past built up resentment over her. He hated that he gave up the total control of that supply for new supply (me) and then he couldn't control me either so trying to control us both sent him over the edge. It is all getting so much clearer. Anyone one else notice this ?
To add. Even though he's gone off the radar and appears to have accepted that he couldn't control me I know that it won't be long before that resentment surfaces. I know him well now. He won't get over not " winning" and beating me down so it will just add to all his other bitterness, anger and resentment and that mask will not stay on for long and the next victim will get it worse. And as horrible as that may make me. I take some comfort in it.
we are all the OW, we are all just supply to the N
Hi Indenial
hi dee
never a moment