Questions aobut

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#1 Mar 17 - 7PM
mustmoveon
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Questions aobut

I am new to this forum and have all sorts of questions related to my experience with a N that I am hoping that some of you farther along in this process, can help answer.

My story in a nutshell--about 5 years ago, I met an older man at a gym (he was in his late 50's at the time and I, in my early 30's). We developed a strong friendship and at the end of 6 months, he made his first real "move." I was going through hard times and he claimed that he had been as well--he and his wife had been estranged for many years (they live in the same house, albeit in separate bedrooms, and were staying together for their (now adult) children's sake), and that his wife was psychotic and violent. I felt really bad for him because the household he lived in reminded me of my own upbringing, so I tried to take care of both his physical and emotional needs over the years. We saw each other regularly and were in contact with each other daily.

Over time, I witnessed or otherwise learned, that he was constantly "checking other women out," including, most recently, looking at pornographic pictures that some of the women at the gym had taken of themselves. This really bothered me, because I had always been faithful to him and expected the same from him.

When suspicious activity surfaced on his Facebook page late last year, I demanded that he hand his smartphone over to me, which he reluctantly did. I also asked for the passwords to all of his email accounts, which he (surprisingly) gave to me. When I reviewed his emails, I was horrified to learn that he had been carrying on relationships with at least 20+ women both locally and all around the world for years (he traveled often for "work," or so he claimed). He had the audacity to deny those relationships, claiming that they didn't mean anything to him, that it was "all jive," despite the illicit emails that I saw with my own eyes. I was hysterical and enraged, and when I demanded that he tell me what was going on, all he told me were lies.

To add insult to injury, I learned shortly after my meltdown, that he had slept with at least 2 women at the gym who I knew (both are tramps. You guessed it--one of the two was showing him and any man willing to stop, porno pics of herself, as discussed above). I was shocked, crushed, devastated, and felt humiliated and rejected.

It has been 3 months to the day since my meltdown. I have tried to maintain NC as much as possible, but made the mistake of checking his Facebook page last week where I saw him trying to solicit another bimbo.

Although I have never been fat, since this meltdown, I lost a significant amount of weight and am in the best shape of my life. My questions:

1. Would it ever be right for me to show up at one his regular haunts someday when I think I am strong enough to handle it? Although he's a N and a lying sack of alcoholic sh*t, I guess it is still a secret desire of mine to just show up and make him see what he is missing out on.

2. Do evil people like this ever get their comeuppance? If so, when and why does it take so long? My N is a happy-go-lucky kind of person and nothing bad ever seems to happen to him. When I think back about the stories he's told me, I believe that he's been engaging in this kind of behavior since his teens, so it's unknown how many cheap tramps he's f*cked in the last 40+ years.

3. How should I treat these women at the gym that I know, slept with him? I work there so there's no option for me to leave or to not interact with them. I know about them, but I do not believe that they know about me.

4. Why did he hand his smartphone to me, knowing that I would find evidence of his illicit affairs?

5. Does he still think of me/how long does it take before N's wipe you from their memories?

Thank you for your response.

Mar 18 - 6AM
Snowflake
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My answers

Mar 18 - 6AM
cant smile with...
cant smile without you's picture

you said 'gym' and over 50.

Mar 18 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
mustmoveon
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cant smile with...

Mar 18 - 6AM (Reply to #10)
Snowflake
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Mine too

Mar 18 - 9AM (Reply to #11)
Alissa
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Here's another N who is

Mar 18 - 2AM
mustmoveon
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Thank you to all who posted

Mar 18 - 1AM
tootsgee
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Sam Vaknins vid on YouTube

Mar 17 - 8PM
ruby01 (not verified)
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mustmoveon

Mar 17 - 8PM
Journey
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Must Move On

Journey on...

Mar 17 - 8PM
Hunter
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Welcome to Narcville.. Yes

Mar 17 - 8PM
Pumpkin
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Sorry

Pumpkin

Mar 17 - 8PM
jackguy
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It's early days

Mar 17 - 7PM
nlvr7
nlvr7's picture

Sry u went thru all this too